Inner Light

I have been reading about and contemplating the “inner light” that comes with a strong connection to God, or whatever you wish to call that power/force/entity.  I have experienced a very strong sensation of a glowing, warm and radiating feeling which certainly feels like strong sunlight.  Another sensation that I get fairly consistently, especially when feeling connected is that the trees, vegetation, rocks and earth in general seem quite noticeably vibrant, alive and bright.  Additionally, while in the complete darkness of the lodge and I open my eyes, things seem extremely bright and totally dark at the same time, a strange paradox.  I can encompass none of this with my intellect, a fact that I find delightful.  Understanding is not required!


Tonight in the lodge I noticed, once again, the extreme brightness.  I also looked around and could see no-one at all, though there were nine others in the lodge with me.  I also held my hand in front of my face and could not see it, the visible darkness continued.  It was a strange combination of sensations.  The feeling of brightness is quite real, to me, and it feels the same to the body as does visible light, even the warmth and comfort that generally comes with sunlight.  However, it is obviously not the same as visible light.  I also felt  very strong gratitude and a very good connection to God.  It was a good lodge.

Grief and Loss

At my recovery meeting tonight the topic was grief and loss, with the main driving force of the grief being the death of a loved one.  As I shared tonight, when a person dies they go to a place of increased consciousness, surrounded by feelings of love, peace and compassion, a pleasant shift from the mundane world.  I did not say it exactly this way, but the process of grief is for the living, the ones left behind.  The ones left behind are the ones who experience loss and go through the grief process.  For me, my main challenge is to not let my intellect interfere and just let the feelings flow.

Self Acceptance

It is very important for me to remember, for myself or when working with others, to work first toward becoming aware of what and who we are, rather than who or what we want to be/become. For myself, that requires a great deal of awareness, coupled with acceptance.  For example, I am disable, sixty four, have a speech impediment, am in very good physical shape considering all of that, have spiritual gifts far beyond what I thought possible and think I have a fabulous life.  If I can accept and have a level of peace with all of that and I can then make changes to the parts I do not like.  I need to accept, and even love (not necessarily like!) what is real and then work within it, otherwise my attempts at making changes are doomed to failure.
When working with or just talking to others, if I can keep my own ego out of the way, employ deep listening, use my intuition and have a good connection with them, then I might help them come to some level of awareness and acceptance of themselves.  They then have the potential to make changes.  Enabling a person’s addiction is a good example of what not to do.  Enabling is allowing a person to continue with their addiction, rather than becoming aware of what they are doing and changing.  Natural consequences help a person become aware.
Each of us have different preferences, due to soul age, differing experiences, genetics or a variety of other things.  It is hard to accept the things that we don’t like about ourselves. The self is a good place to begin, if one wishes to be at peace.

The Other Side of the Veil

I found it quite moving today to read the account of Eben Alexander’s of his near-death-experience in his book Proof of Heaven .  Particularly the fact that he, I and numerous others experience basically the same, very intense feelings of love, total peace, well being and comfort on the other side of the veil.  He too sensed that there is/was a great deal of power there and that he was being shown very specific things in order that he could bring the information back to this reality, much as in my case.  The appearance and experiences while on the other side vary depending on the person’s history and beliefs but the feelings are the same.
If I focus on that feeling and remind myself of the experiences during meditation, I can return to that feeling, as have various saints and mystics.  If I start off the day with an extended period of doing that type of prayer and meditation, I can carry that feeling with me during the day.  Doing that certainly changes my experience of the day!  Everything is much more intense and I can feel the connection to everything and everybody.

The Function of Consciousness

In the early morning hours, when working with people, when performing a sweat-lodge ceremony and at various other times, I use my consciousness to join with God or love by focusing my intent.  If I do that before carrying out those activities it makes a huge difference in the strength of my intuition, ability to connect with others and the strength of my healing.  Once I make the connection with the reality of God or love, I feel the power and know that we are all connected and loved.
  I suspect that I have only scratched the surface, as to the potential there, but the results are quite phenomenal, and I do the best I can.  My focusing works well as long as I do it for service and make an effort to be totally selfless.  As expected, self-centered thoughts do intrude into my consciousness, but I dismiss them without acting on them.  Those passing self-centered thoughts seem to be part of being Charlie, for right now, but I need not act on them.
As a scientist and member of this culture, I used to limit my consciousness to my intellect.  I used to believe that consciousness was limited to the brain and that everything would eventually fall within a person’s intellectual understanding.  I had no idea that I was severely limiting my own consciousness and abilities.  Now I attempt to make the most of my potential, a difficult task.

The Location of Consciousness

I have been told, and it is generally believed, that consciousness is located exclusively in the brain.  I cannot say that I have a complete picture, at this point, but I do know that is not accurate.  Various people, including myself, have disassociated at times of extreme pain or some sort of extreme emotional or physical upset, and at least part of the consciousness moves nearby but detached, physically and emotionally, from the event.  There is also a similar situation with, what is generally called, “remote viewing”, when a person “views” a distant location without physically being there.  Also when I go into deep meditation, my consciousness shifts to an existence where I feel total peace, total love, am not disabled and have no pain, I suspect that my consciousness moves away from my body and toward, what I call, the God place.  Finally, through meditation, my understanding is that when a person dies his/her consciousness expands and moves with the soul to the “other side”, giving up its temporary home in the body.
To me, the location of consciousness is not a simple, academic question.  My meditation and contemplation time with God has made it quite clear to me that I am more than I thought I was, which is a wonderful realization, but it also makes me uneasy and challenges me to become more.  With God’s help and guidance, I wish to become that person.   It seems important to understand this sort of thing because I do not wish to limit myself with my own beliefs.  Unfortunately, I know I can do that!

A Different View

Several years ago I asked, very deeply and sincerely, to see the world the way that God does and that has happened, as far as I can tell.  The vast majority of things most people talk about and worry about just seem silly to me, though I always listen with a genuine sense of appreciation.  I have a very strong tendency to feel like a parent watching my children navigate through life, a feeling of love, amusement and gratitude when I see them or myself (similar thoughts and feelings occur to me, I just do not take them seriously).  There is no feeling of condescension, rather a feeling of love and a strong connection.  I am reminded of what I heard years ago that “nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all”.  It is a very loving and peaceful view of the world.
I have been very aware recently of how different my view of the world is and wondered whether that was a problem.  It has been made clear to me the last several days that it is only by having that view, that I can truly connect with the spiritually connected part of others.  They end up talking to me about their own “paranormal” experiences, which they, generally, have never talked about before.  I can normalize their experiences by telling them the same or similar experiences of my own, explain that they were touched by God and help them understand what the experiences mean.  Basically, because of my extreme view, I can help them and then they can go out and relate to “normal” people, something I am too “far out” to do.

Unconditional Love

Through my connection with God, I have learned a great deal more about love, particularly unconditional love.  Within the unconditional love of God it does not seem to matter if I curse God, am apathetic, do self-destructive things or question God’s very existence - the love is still there.  I seek to do the same, to have my love be selfless.  One of the people I work with is/was angry with me, and let me know it.  While he talked to me, I felt nothing but a strong love for him and explained that I said what I said out of love for him and strictly for his welfare.  The whole exchange was a bit strange, but he seemed to understand.  I do enjoy the interactions more when people like me, but I don’t let that alter my behavior.  It is about them, not me.

Enlightenment & Mastery

Enlightenment and mastery are concepts based on duality, and within the absolute they have no meaning.  These concepts, helpful as they can be, are based on judgments, ego and separateness, which is why I choose not to use them.  These concepts represent parts of myself that I would rather not encourage, parts that separate me from others.  I much prefer the feeling of being part of the “oneness” of all things.
Within the absolute there are different levels of awareness for different souls or essences but they are all also part of the greater whole or God.  God and they are all one within the isness. but there is only isness.  Things simply are or they are not.  I can’t say that I completely grasp the ideas that I just expressed, I am too wrapped up in duality!  Understanding is not required.

Pain as a Signal

Pain, to me, is an indication that things are not right, a signal that something could be different and result in less pain.  I have had a great deal of pain during the last twenty five years which did bring me much closer to God, as Catholicism maintains, and, through God, I did encounter a very powerful source of physical healing.  Now, having gone through what I went through, my connection with God continues to get stronger while the pain has subsided and, much of the time, is no longer there.  The pain was a good indication of what was wrong in my life, physical healing has taken place and continued pain has no value.  In my case I needed to make use of the medical profession for some things and then learn to turn away for others, a process of choice which required considerable guidance.  Generally, if the pain lessened and physical healing took place, I knew I had made the right choice.  I also needed to investigate and then turn away from my own tendency toward self-deprecation.  I then needed to turn towards compassion, love and God.  When I clear away my own blocks, then turn to compassion, love and God there can be physical and emotional healing.  The pain then dissipates and/or  vanishes.