Thursday, May 28, 2020

Honesty

In order to see “things as they are” and “rest in the present moment” I need to acknowledge that in spite of my efforts to be balanced, I overdid things yesterday and paid the price with muscle spasms and disturbed sleep last night.  I feel the need to admit that in spite of the fine words I wrote yesterday — I still have work to do!  I’m not blaming or chastising myself in any way, I simply feel that loving honesty helps me be at peace,  "When we let go of our battles and open our heart to things as they are, then we come to rest in the present moment  This is the beginning and end of spiritual practice." (Jack Kornfield)

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Balance

I find that a balanced approach to living is something I still need to consciously think of and that the balanced approach to any activity will not feel as natural and comfortable as an all-or
-nothing, black-and-white approach.  For example today I will do some exercise rather than my full two hour workout.  I will cut up some chicken and vegetables in preparation for making soup tomorrow rather than exhausting myself by making the soup all at once.  Similarly, I will do some garden work rather than exhausting myself and doing more.  I will also do some resting and meditating (balance) while if I did not take that time I could certainly get more done (unbalanced).  "Sooner or later we have to learn to let go and allow the changing mystery of life to move through us without our fearing it, without holding and grasping." (Kornfield)

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Patience

Last night and this morning I have been watching my own conflicting thoughts and feelings concerning my level of patience with my recovery process.  I have also been chuckling with that loving parental attitude of a parent watching a silly but growing child.  When I began focusing healing energy on my disability I was reminded by the powers that be, that it took me five years to progress from needing crutches to using a cane — so if I was going to approach my disability I would need patience.  Right now I do not know what the outcome will be and I do not know a time scale.  I am good with that and quite content to know it will take a while.  I also note that any change in my abilities produces fear because it is a change and I do not know where it will lead.  I feel impatient because it’s taking so long and gratitude that it is happening at all.  So I have conflicting feelings and I need to keep in mind that feelings are not rational — and chuckle.

Saturday, May 23, 2020

Solitude

This morning I am looking forward to a quiet, simple day of doing some gardening, some computer work, meditating and solitude, partially reinforced by the shutdown.  I enjoy the solitude since it is easier for me to arrive at inner silence, which I find necessary if I am to listen to “that small quiet voice” and the voice of the Universe and God.  “It [inner silence] is to establish an inner peace, an inner harmony, which will allow us authentically to contribute to the establishment of an outer peace and an outer harmony in the world at large.” (Daniel A. Seeger)

Friday, May 22, 2020

Gratitude

When I woke this morning I noted the pain in my shoulder and lower back.  I got up, noted my stiffness and put a bag of trash out by the curb for pick-up.  I was not feeling pleased with any of that and was feeling life to be a chore.  It then occurred to me that I could feel grateful that I was capable of carrying the trash, grateful for my house, the curb and the service to pick it up!  I had a bit of an attitude shift and it now looks like a good day.  “Immersion in God entails a being filled with Him, a divine inflowing.  Biblical men knew well enough that this self-communication of God is the sole destiny of men.” (Thomas Dubay, S. M.)

Thursday, May 21, 2020

Primordial Light

Yesterday I wrote of the primordial light that “still shines through everything we see and touch” and which I feel all of the time, whether it’s working in the garden, walking in the woods, watching a glorious sunrise, doing the dishes or sweeping the floor.  I depend on that precious feeling and its reality.  The God I know is responsible for it and Jesus knew of it.  I have heard people and spiritual leaders talk of a “down time” when they could not feel that Light or its guidance.  I hope that never happens to me and I believe if I continue with my daily practices, I will continue to feel it.

Wednesday, May 20, 2020

Focus

As I commented a few days back, “ I feel great Love, tremendous gratitude and eternity all day and every day” a condition I refer to as the Kingdom of God, which Jesus said was in the here and now not some future time.  I was not seeking it out it just happened as a result of my spiritual quest and I now work to maintain it by focusing on that primordial light which according to the gospels, “this primordial light not only brought the entire universe into being but still shines through everything we see and touch.”.  Jesus also said   ‘I am the light which is before all things.  It is I who am all things.  From me all things came forth, and to me all things extend.  Split a piece of wood, and I am there; lift up the stone, and you will find me.”  I attempt to sense that all day.

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Discipline

Over the years, with Maria, I have developed a relatively monastic way of life which revolves around minimal distractions and maximal quiet meditative and contemplative time, especially the time I spend in prayer and meditation in the middle of the night.  In order to achieve that there is no TV, minimal radio, exercise, a lot of self-care and maintenance of healthy, balanced habits.  Maria has been living with and caring for her mother for the last couple of months so I have been on my own and I am pleased to note that I continue with the same disciplined way of life when I am on my own — with no-one watching.  I feel stronger in that.

Monday, May 18, 2020

Life

I have encountered and live a spiritually rooted and God connected way of life which is truly miraculous.  I feel great Love, tremendous gratitude and eternity all day and every day, which is even more remarkable given my age and physical condition.  The feeling does not come spontaneously, without effort and action on my part.  I have to remind myself that most people do not want to expend the effort and that initially I only made the effort out of desperation.  I now make the daily effort willingly but I used to expect my life to be given to me..

Saturday, May 16, 2020

Holistic Healing

I made the comment yesterday that “ I need to get in touch with that part of me if healing is to commence” about the fearful, doubtful part of me, which I would rather not admit or be aware of.  My tendency to avoid fully and exhaustively looking at myself can and does block healing until I break through that tendency which is how I spent most of yesterday and will do again today.  In this case really accepting, embracing, loving and experiencing the fear and pain is a necessary first step in the healing process.  I don’t have to like it and in fact the day was very unpleasant.  I like the results!