Monday, February 18, 2019
Yesterday I wrote of feeling lost and I must admit to feeling lost, impatient and fearful much of the time with joy always there around the corner to be felt any time I get reminded. For example today was a day of performing household duties like shopping and cooking while feeling groundless and impatient to feel something more concrete. I had periodic flashes of joy at seeing the young mothers with their small children or the gratitude for being able to cook. Throughout the day I listened and meditated. "We want to be spiritually alive, but also to be comfortable; to be prayerful, but not to rise early in the morning to pray; to possess power to lead, but not to undergo the discipline that it takes to control the power." (Gilbert Kilpack)
Sunday, February 17, 2019
This evening I was re-reading the story of "Jumping Mouse" a Cheyenne teaching story which I identify strongly with. In the story Jumping Mouse goes on a quest to be in the sacred mountains and reach the sacred lake. During his quest he encounters several entities that tell him he is insane to continue and he travels past several temptations to stop. Jumping Mouse is lost and scared much of the time and gets encouragement and guidance from several other animals along his path. He also makes sacrifices along the way but ultimately triumphs by becoming an eagle. And as the Neal Diamond song says "except for the names and a few other changes, my stories the same one". Right now I am feeling lost and listening for guidance while moving forward — such is a spiritual journey.
Saturday, February 16, 2019
This afternoon Maria and I returned to visit the spirits in the same local graveyard I mention on the 9th. During the visit we both felt a very powerful feeling of God’s love and I kept thinking of the words I heard when I had my Near-Death-Experience; "this is what it feels like to be dead". As happened within my N.D.E., I could think of nothing but that feeling — it was that intense. Those spirits exist within that feeling which affects and dominates the way they sense reality and I cannot say that I understand more specifically than that. I am reminded of the situation with Jesus Christ where that feeling dominated his life and determined everything he did and said. I understand that feeling is available to us all.
Friday, February 15, 2019
For the last couple of days I have felt strongly that everything around me is in divine order and that I am a part of that order. Nothing particularly monumental has happened but I found myself doing my regular periods of meditation and repeatedly blessing "everything and everybody", which felt very good. As usual I have connected with several people that I mentor. I just feel very loving and in harmony with all that is, a good feeling. This afternoon I discovered a Carolina Wren stuck in one of our gutter drainpipes and Maria freed it. Go in peace little bird!
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
For today "the courage to change the things I can" has been on my mind since I keep running into that issue, both for myself and those I mentor. Finding that courage requires a great deal of faith and self-love, but it still is not easy and it does not feel good. For myself I have made a number of internal and external changes over the years and found the necessary courage. That courage felt like fear but making the change anyway. In order to make the change I had to overcome and discard the part of myself that no longer served me and also have the faith that something would take its place. "To become a person one must both affirm and deny himself. One involves the other." (Rufus Jones)
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
In my experience love is other-directed, very fulfilling and long term or even eternal, while individual ego/self-will is pleasing, self-directed and extremely short lived, needing frequent renewal. The latter is frequently supported by our culture; e.g. keep buying newer, bigger and more expensive cars. Having spent several years trying to satisfy my ego, I now prefer and promote love, which gives me much joy and long term fulfillment. Switching from short-term to long term gratification proves to be a difficult step to take but well worth the effort.
Monday, February 11, 2019
Today I felt a strong sense of oneness with All-that-is which began last night with my blessing everything, then during my exercise, shopping, blessings at meals and periods of meditation during the day. It was a feeling of being in harmony with life. I am grateful for the feeling and knowing the reality of it, quite a gift. "When the will, in becoming aware of the satisfaction afforded by the object of sight, hearing or touch does not stop with this joy but immediately elevates itself to God, rejoicing in Him who motivates and gives strength to its joy, it is doing something very good. (St. John of the Cross)
Sunday, February 10, 2019
Way back in time to when I was studying for my Ph.D. in animal behavior, around 1976-7, I was just becoming conscious of the fact that there was more to reality than I was aware of. In those days I was following the leaders in the field. Then, more recently, with my own healing through energy work and published scientific discoveries in quantum physics I became more aware of what I did not know and began using what I learned. I am now exploring, haltingly, the unseen realm(s), which I certainly do not understand. Life is strange! "Reality is only partly our invention; it is also partly our discovery. Our task is to discover how much and in what areas which is which; and then to determine how much new freedom this gives us and what we can do with it". (Lawrence LeShan)
Saturday, February 9, 2019
We went to visit the spirits around another local graveyard today. This particular location used to be bucolic and relatively idyllic but today is located near heavy traffic. When we got there I settled on a bench and it took a few minutes to focus and center myself and prepare for spirit communication. My focus consisted of connecting with my God/love part and the Absolute or God, in order to identify myself spiritually. After I did I could sense a youngish "male" sitting next to me on the bench and him wanting me to go with him back in time, which I did partially but did not know it until I "came back". I believe we went back to a warmer spring day around 1937 when the surrounding area was farmland and quite beautiful. We then joined with other spirits for a period of powerful silent worship. I knew we were done and that I was back when it got colder all of a sudden. I told Maria I was done and we came home.
Friday, February 8, 2019
It feels right for me to just sit quietly and listen intently and openly for any sort of guidance about my next right move. I say listening "openly" since I can easily distort any guidance I receive if I have pre-conceived notions or any emotional involvement. I also need patience since my timing does not always match God’s! When I write this it sounds simple and easy but for me, it is not. I often lack patience and/or have pre-conceived notions. Time to meditate.