Information From the Other Side

One of the things that I experience frequently, often daily, is that spirits or the inhabitants of the spirit realm, sometimes called the other side of the veil, are very careful about the information we have access to from that realm, in a very loving and protective way.  I have also noticed the same thing in various writings over the centuries.  Some people are/were aware of the limitation, some were not.  I have a deep respect for the limitation and have no desire to push against those limits.  I can feel the loving and wise intent behind them.  The restrictions are lovingly put in place by entities far wiser than I am, much the way a parent restricts the information given to a small child, until they are ready to make use of it.

White Lies

In my view love is always honest and acting out of love always increases the integrity of the universe, very simple.  This view also flies in the face of the belief that “white lies” are necessary and that to tell the truth in some situations is cruel or harmful, which was mentioned in the men’s group tonight.  White lies are generally ways of avoiding the truth or its consequences, an approach that seems quite reasonable in a superficial relationship like employer to employee or passing conversations on the street, and I tend to use diplomacy in those situations.  When I do tell a white lie in more intimate situations, I generally go back and apologize, thinking that the people I care about are worth more than that.
My position is that it is possible to tell the truth, do it gently and lovingly and not be harmful in any way.  For example, if asked “do you think my outfit is attractive” when you do not think it is, to respond with a simple “no” could be harmful and would not increase the integrity of the universe.  It is also possible to respond with something like “I generally find you attractive but I do not like that particular outfit”, being honest without causing harm.  Another honest response could be “I think it best not to answer that question since I have unreasonable and unrealistic beliefs about appearance and/or body type that come from my upbringing/culture and have nothing to do with you”.  Admittedly, either of the more loving responses would potentially lead to a more complicated discussion.  However, either of those response would also lead to greater intimacy and growth.

Changing Attitudes & Behaviors

In terms of behaviors and attitudes, I have been stuck, relatively immobile, most of my life, though not recently.  My stuckness was not due to my upbringing, low self-esteem, intellect or any of a number of other things which I originally thought were the cause.  It was due to the fear of change, a lack of trust and faith.  I have, more recently, changed my attitude to that of love and faith with the result that the fears have dissolved.  Change and fluidity have become a part of my life and I enjoy the situation, it feels more natural.
Several people in my life are also stuck in lives that they either don’t enjoy or that they are actively trying to get away from.  One way to do that is to simply punch through the fears and change.  Another way is to first work on increasing the feelings of love and faith and then change.  I use the latter and find it more successful.

Love, Peace, Connectedness and Compassion

I realized today, that I am losing touch with the drama of the human experience.  Because of my connection with God, I inhabit a world of love, peace, connectedness and compassion.  It is an absolute world so there is no corresponding apathy, hate, fear, feeling of chaos or loneliness, it is a bit strange.  The drama that has been present most of my life is gone, other than in memory, and occasional lapses, which keep me alert.  I still also hear the chatter of my brain at times, but for the most part I enjoy doing nothing, as I did yesterday.
In addition to enjoying being quiet, doing nothing and simply feeling at peace, there are many related benefits.  For example, I feel little or no need to prove myself or justify my actions, I am content being Charlie.  Another example is that I am preparing to lead a retreat and I passionately want people to grow as a result, but what form that takes makes little difference.  The retreat could simply stir up negative thoughts, resulting in them resenting me and ultimately the retreat would still lead to their growth.  A third example is that my future path is totally up in the air and I am good with that.  Understanding is not required!

Healing

Today I ended up talking and thinking about the options of talking about versus holding something inside and not talking about it.  I have done both, numerous times.  Holding something inside feels the same as trying to close up a physical wound before it is ready, it swells, gets more painful and festers.  The pain and hurt do not heal.  On the other hand, talking with a trusted individual, who will simply listen, rather than trying to fix or correct me,  permits healing.  A scar may remain, but things feel better and it is possible to move on with life, unencumbered.

The latter is a love based approach, the former is fear based.  Having tried both, I prefer the latter.

Passion

I went to a super-bowl party today, my first.  I did not watch the game, but I did watch some of the pre-game festivities and also the people watching the T.V.  I was struck by the obvious passion people felt, particularly the game participants on the television.  That passion was a wonderful thing to observe, and feel in the case of the other observers in the room with me.  The object of their passion, the game, was silly, in my opinion, but the passion was quite real and delightful.  The tears, facial expressions and general body tension of the people on the screen were quite something to behold!

I also felt extremely uncomfortable due to the emotional chaos, intensity of feelings and the presence of the T.V.  I suspect that it was my last super bowl party!  I did spend most of the time in a small gathering away from most of the people and the T.V.  That part was pleasant.  Generally, I feel more connected and less chaotic in small groups.

Asking for Help

I generally present a “blank slate’ to people I interact with, meaning that I am essentially neutral about most things.  I enjoy life a great deal but I do not carry around the emotional baggage that I used to, quite a relief.  I also laugh, chuckle and smile a lot when interacting because I feel a great deal of joy at experiencing or witnessing the human condition.  Whenever I either laugh or simply present the blank slate I am impressed by what people can and do project on to me!  I am also impressed by how tenaciously they hold on to the belief that their perceptions are accurate.  They tend not to realize that their perceptions reflect nothing about me.  For example, I routinely ask for and rely on the help of others each day, it’s part of being connected and the joy of life.  However, on the occasions that I turn down help that is offered, for some reason, the potential helper often concludes that I have an issue with allowing someone help me.  I used to try to convince them otherwise but now I just let it go.
I am reminded of an occasion years ago, when a little boy of about three struggled to open and then hold a door for me.  I was using crutches at the time.  The look on his face expressed such joy at being able to help.  His mother was amazed!  As one of the principles of attitudinal healing says “giving and receiving are the same”.

Connection With Trees

Today, when I left my garage, on the way to my house, the juniper just outside the garage “said” hi to me.  It did this by wafting me with its scent and sending a vibrational greeting.  It has done this before, many times, but it does not do it during the winter months, when it is dormant.  Its action is a very nice reminder that spring is here.  The birds have also announced this by singing their spring songs.  The chipmunks are also very active and playful.

When I went out back tonight, the first thing I noticed was how humid it felt, unusual for Flagstaff.  There is a possibility of rain.  I then noticed a very strong feeling of the trees waiting for and anticipating the rain, a feeling that I have not noticed before.  I then brushed against the juniper I was standing next to, it liked the contact, so I did it some more.  It is wonderful to be aware, awake and connected to all things.

It was a good rain!

Inner Light

I have been reading about and contemplating the “inner light” that comes with a strong connection to God, or whatever you wish to call that power/force/entity.  I have experienced a very strong sensation of a glowing, warm and radiating feeling which certainly feels like strong sunlight.  Another sensation that I get fairly consistently, especially when feeling connected is that the trees, vegetation, rocks and earth in general seem quite noticeably vibrant, alive and bright.  Additionally, while in the complete darkness of the lodge and I open my eyes, things seem extremely bright and totally dark at the same time, a strange paradox.  I can encompass none of this with my intellect, a fact that I find delightful.  Understanding is not required!


Tonight in the lodge I noticed, once again, the extreme brightness.  I also looked around and could see no-one at all, though there were nine others in the lodge with me.  I also held my hand in front of my face and could not see it, the visible darkness continued.  It was a strange combination of sensations.  The feeling of brightness is quite real, to me, and it feels the same to the body as does visible light, even the warmth and comfort that generally comes with sunlight.  However, it is obviously not the same as visible light.  I also felt  very strong gratitude and a very good connection to God.  It was a good lodge.

Grief and Loss

At my recovery meeting tonight the topic was grief and loss, with the main driving force of the grief being the death of a loved one.  As I shared tonight, when a person dies they go to a place of increased consciousness, surrounded by feelings of love, peace and compassion, a pleasant shift from the mundane world.  I did not say it exactly this way, but the process of grief is for the living, the ones left behind.  The ones left behind are the ones who experience loss and go through the grief process.  For me, my main challenge is to not let my intellect interfere and just let the feelings flow.