Speaking My Truth

I feel the need to sort things out, specifically my interactions with others and my role within those interactions.  I want more clarity.  Because of my history and training, I have fairly extreme insights into the human condition.  My training, experience, level of awareness and awakening all contribute to grasping the human condition on the earthly plain.  My conscious contact, guidance and near death experiences provide me with a more eternal view.  Taken together, I have been gifted with much understanding, though not complete and still developing.
There are many people who appreciate and even depend on my insights, while others do not.  I tend to speak my truth “quietly and clearly” (Ehrmann) much of the time.  I try to be objective and unattached, while speaking my truth, but I also realize that all of the information I have been given is filtered through my own biases.  Perhaps, speaking my truth is my role right now!

Holistc Approach

My doctor tells me that the ultrasound indicates that my thyroid is OK.  She is concerned because both my TSH, produced by my pituitary, and my T4, from the thyroid, are a bit low, according to the normal range.  Generally, when the level of T4 is low, more TSH is produced, telling the thyroid to increase its production of T4.  Therefore, they should not both be low, simultaneously.  The simplest explanation is that my body does not need more T4, an explanation that my doctor rejects, since, according to conventional thought, all humans need a certain level of T4.  I have to be very careful since my body is not necessarily normal and reliance on allopathic medicine has not served me well in the past.  What I try to do is take the information provided by my doctor and integrate it into my holistic, health oriented approach.

Love Versus Co-dependency

I went to the movie “Mud” with Mathew McConaughey today.  The movie depicted various relationships demonstrating love in its pure, selfless, form and also many relationships which demonstrated love mixed with co-dependency, lots of ego and self-interest.  Watching the various relationships in the movie, I was reminded of just how destructive co-dependence has been in my own life.  Because of these various relationships, the movie was either disturbing or beautiful at different tines, quite realistic.  Having now given up my attachments to various things, I feel and act on love in its pure form much of the time.

Doing The Right Thing

My wife is visiting her mother, back east, and we talk regularly on the phone.  A secondary reason for the visit is the possibility of her getting a job in the east and us moving back there.  We both acknowledged on the phone tonight that moving back there in order to chase a paycheck, insurance and retirement would not make sense.  However, moving there because it is “the right” thing to do does make sense.  That is, if our presence there would have some sort of cosmic significance it does make sense to move.  If there is some sort of higher purpose to being there, we would both like to go.  As far as I know, that sort of question can only be answered through meditation, so I should sit, be quiet and receptive.
I have difficulty in meditating about anything where I have emotional involvement, some attachment to outcome.  However, through meditation it seemed clear that it is best for us to stay in Flagstaff.  We shall see.

Spiritual Path

I was reminded today, that one of the roles I play is to assist others in their spiritual quests, their spiritual paths.  I can, figuratively, turn around on my own path and say “try going this way”.  This is a role that is a vital part of my life.  Making a connection with people and then helping them find their own path is something I am quite passionate about and a role that requires that I have genuine respect and love for whoever I am connecting with.  The role feels important to me.  I think it important that, as a species, we advance spiritually and emotionally, perhaps then we can adjust to the technological and scientific changes that have already taken place.

Getting My Ego Out of the Way

Once again, I got quite explicit instructions/guidance on things to say during a visualization with one of my clients.  I simply followed instructions and tried to be an open conduit for the benefit of a fellow human being, my client.  I put myself aside and made an effort to be of service.  The result was almost magical, more than I could have imagined.  The fact that I take note of this is because I did not resist at all and that my efforts were largely selfless.
The other thing that I was quite conscious of today is that I am really enjoying the solitude while my wife is away, in addition to missing her presence, conflicting feelings that are both present.

Being Open to New Ideas

People seem to have a distinct tendency to believe their own stories, rather than incorporating any conflicting reality based on the evidence.  The stories are generally based on culturally or societally held beliefs rather than evidence.  For example, the idea that science will provide all of the answers we need or that western medicine will provide all of our health needs, regardless of clear evidence to the contrary.  The same can be said for a variety of political and environmental situations.  Meditation has been very helpful for me to see past my own stories and be open to the alternative realities.
The most familiar way that I had to overcome my own stories was with respect to my health.  I used to rely solely on western medicine and believed that it would address all of my health concerns.  Then I began to experience some health problems that western medicine could not help me with so I turned to alternative medicine, which in this case was based on love and the power of visualization.  I attended a workshop where people were using these techniques, successfully, to deal with AIDS and HIV.  I have done the same, also successfully.  For me, this has opened the door so that I can make use of both western and alternative medicine.

Honesty 2

In the past I have made use of what I called “white lies”.  For example, when people would greet me with “how are you doing” or my wife would ask “does this outfit look good on me?”, I would answer with things like “good” or “yes” when it wasn’t really true.  I answered with a white lie, supposedly, to avoid hurting the other person.  What I have since realized is that I used white lies as a convenience to avoid the difficulties and complications of being both honest and loving in my response.  I have since realized that if I am to be loving and respectful of others, I owe it to them to be honest with them.  I also certainly realize how difficult it is to be loving and honest at the same time and that it is quite possible to miss-use the ideas I am talking about.

Honesty 1

The topic for the meeting tonight was honesty, which is one of the ways that my view differs from most people.  Most people mention that it is not kind or loving to be honest at all times, that honesty at those times can be overly cruel or blunt.  I carry with me an attitude/feeling of love at all times, the way I used to carry an attitude of judgment, criticism and anger.  By a loving attitude I mean that my focus is always on the growth and well being of others.  I find that within that attitude/feeling it is not possible to be overly cruel or blunt, and that other people know, respect and value that.  My feeling is that within love I actually owe it to others out of respect for them, to be honest with them.  People actually seek me out to talk to at times, precisely because they know I will be honest with them.  My wife values that aspect of our relationship.

Path With Heart

A good day.  Maria, my wife, is gone, so it was a day of solitude, missing her presence and noticing and enjoying each.  All in all, it felt very peaceful.  I watched the birds, sat on the porch, exercised, took care of the plants, did some cooking and cleaning.
I also have a strong feeling that we are both in the process of moving forward  (whatever that means!) and that we are heading in the right direction.  In other words, it feels to me that we are each following the “path with heart” (Castaneda).