New Beginning

We closed on our new house today and then the realtor came out and gave us the keys.  A very definite “new beginning” for us.  We each have a strong feeling of letting go of some things we were holding on to and a new sense of freedom.  In my case, I have always bought houses that required a lot of work and, in general, I had a high maintenance life style.  As I have indicated in previous entries, this house does not require any work and is fairly basic, with minimal distractions.  I will still need to focus a lot of energy toward my physical condition, however, the new house will allow me to be of greater service and for me to explore my sense of “I am”.

Pain & Anxiety

Today, I was experiencing a substantial amount of nerve pain in my lower back and radiating through my buttocks and into my leg, primarily on the right side.  I recognized that in addition to my physical problems, the pain was related to the anxiety about my coming move.  In meditation I went into the pain and anxiety, trying to feel each intensely, and, after feeling the anxiety and pain, switched over to gratitude and healing.  I need to take it easy for a few days, but I feel much better.

Eternal Truths

It is totally amazing, somewhat incredible and very reassuring for me to find out that the various mystics, spiritual leaders or enlightened masters from a variety of disciplines have all encountered the same eternal truths as I have.  Generally, what happens, in my case, is that I will experience something like the feelings of the Absolute in the God place and then read a description, in their own words, from Saint Teresa of Avila, Saint John of the Cross, Nisargadata Maharaj or Black Elk, of the same thing.  This is a pattern that has happened repeatedly.  I have had no formal training and was not raised within any tradition, and yet arrive at the same eternal truths.  Apparently, those truths simply exist and are encountered by clearing away attachments and distractions during things like the prayer of quiet or meditation.  I believe them to be real.

Loving The Enemy

I went to the movie “Ender’s Game” today and found it to be very enjoyable.  The movie went beyond the average character development and a bit further into emotional and spiritual realms than most movies.  I do not recall an exact quote, but one of the most important comments to me was that when a person really comes to know and understand an enemy, they also come to love that enemy.  So true, whether the enemy is internal, external or both.  To me, loving, embracing and respecting an enemy is a necessary part of working with it.  Especially when it comes to an internal issue, like my dark side, trying to simply fight it gives it power, rather than overcoming it.  Understanding, loving and embracing the issue, allows me to stop acting on it, and, ultimately, lets it dissolve.

Listening

A very pleasant and quiet day.  For Maria and myself, the process of preparation for moving involves a lot of clearing out of un-needed items, both physically and emotionally, a sort of cleansing.  For the moment, that seems to be done.
During a group I led yesterday, the participants were all compassionate, understanding and respectful of each other.  During the group they made an obvious effort to be cooperative and to be of service to each other.  According to staff comments and reports, they were not at all like that before or after group.  I am reminded of the comments of Remen in My Grandfather’s Blessings, “When you listen, the integrity and wholeness in others moves closer.  Your attention strengthens it and makes it easier for them to hear it in themselves.  In your presence, they can more easily inhabit that in them which is beyond their limitations, a place of greater freedom and sanctuary.  Eventually they may be able to live there.”

Giving Up Attachments

We took down the lodges today.  Actually, other people took part in taking down the lodges while I watched, felt and meditated.  I could sense that, as I said in my previous entry, that nothing of any significance was changing, a strange sensation, but also undeniable.
Tonight during my period of prayer and meditation I felt quite a bit more clear, as if I had given up some major attachment.  I gather that my attachment was to the physical structures and what they meant to me.  As various spiritual teachers have indicated, giving up attachments is a large part of spiritual growth, and the process leads to greater freedom.  This was a good example.

Timelessness

There have been several times in my life where the events were game or rule changing, meaning times where I could no longer keep doing the things I was accustomed to.  For example, when I quit using drugs and alcohol to cope with life or became disabled and could no longer walk, unassisted.  This is one of those times, and it is important for me to recognize that.  I have been doing sweat-lodges once or twice a week for the last twenty years and that activity, including preparing for them and recovering after them, has absorbed a good part of my life.  That is changing.  There is also a definite awareness that, in reality, nothing is changing other than the physical activity.  An awareness that the spiritual significance of that activity is timeless and does not change.  The love, connection and impact on consciousness/awareness does not change.

Changes

When I get up in the morning for my period of prayer and meditation there are several tasks that I perform like preparing and fiddling with a fire in the wood-stove,  reading e-mails or preparing and soaking in the hot-tub.  In the past, I have looked on these activities as forms of  “Splitting wood and carrying water” that actually facilitated, in a zen way, my focusing on prayer and meditation, and they very definitely helped.  I now realize that those activities, if continued, are also a distraction from my main purpose.  They give me something to do, rather than simply getting to the prayer and meditation.  Originally, they facilitated my process, now it is time to let them go and move on, a change to be aware of.

Three Questions

Today I encountered a difficult problem, which I cannot give any detail about, since it concerns several of my clients. I have now worked through the problem, having made use of meditation and asking myself the three questions that I describe in my website (1. Would I do this in front of God, 2. Is my name really on it, 3. Will this increase the integrity of the universe).  I kept asking myself the each of the three question while meditating/contemplating and considering various possible options of things I could do.  I kept it up until I got a positive feeling in my heart/guts when I asked each of the questions.  I now feel clear about the path to take.

Being Gentle With Myself

I was reminded several times today that I am my main block to my own spiritual and emotional growth.  I realized several years ago that I was attached to various ideas, attitudes, expectations of what should be, and that my own ideas and attitudes held me back.  Having realized that, my tendency, at that time, was to use harsh judgment and criticism toward myself.  I have since come to realize that harsh judgment and criticism toward myself (or anyone else!) accomplishes nothing other than making me feel bad.  Instead, borrowing from Kornfield, I think of myself as a warm, well intentioned, stupid puppy.  I, more or less, expect a puppy to take a dump on my valuable oriental carpet or chew the legs of my furniture, and love that puppy regardless.  I find it hard to be angry at the puppy, at least for long.  A good approach to myself.