Not In Charge

I just sent in my final approval of the cover mocks for my book, significant since that was the last action prior to its actual publication.  The book could be a total dud, very popular or somewhere in between, which is more likely.  I am passionate about its contents & hope that it has an impact, however large or small.  As Ray Stevens once wrote “I play my piano and sing my little song.”  The outcome is not mine to determine.  I am not in charge.

A Matter of Choice

I would like it if judgment or criticism toward me had no impact on my feelings, that I simply received it objectively, took any necessary corrective action, and felt no personal injury.  The problem with feeling personal injury is that I tend to get defensive.  Unfortunately, I am not that person but I can and do choose to not act defensively.  What I do is feel the feelings, let them pass, shift into a loving and forgiving feeling and go about my day.

Presence

Many years ago I asked to see the world the way God does and since that time I have worked very hard toward that goal, learned a great deal and tried to remain teachable.  I have come to realize what Saint Faustina so eloquently wrote; “When a soul has come out of these tribulations, it is deeply humble. Its purity of soul is great.  It knows better without need of reflecting, as it were, what it ought too do at a given moment and what to forbear.  It feels the lightest touch of grace and is very faithful to God.  It recognizes God from afar and continuously rejoices in Him.  It discovers God very quickly in other souls and in its environment in general.”  Basically I see and feel the force or power I know as God in everything I do each day.

A Good Day

Today I received the final mock-up of the proposed covers for the book I am publishing, very exciting.  The book is a major part of my efforts to “change the world”, a grandiose effort but there it is.  I have realized the truth of Williamson’s words when she commented that “Your playing small doesn't serve the world.  There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.” I also went to the movie “Ant-Man” today, very entertaining, creative and totally forgettable.

Unspeakable Joy

Last week my doctor asked me what I did for fun and I hesitated since many of the activities that most people consider fun involve physical activity and are, therefore, not possible for me.  However, through my connections with others, prayer and meditation, I do experience what many call “unspeakable joy” many times each week, often daily.  My last experience of welling up with tears was yesterday, over the experience of giving a green, stuffed, fuzzy dragon named Bixby to a friend and her appreciation of him.

Loving Response

During the last several weeks I have been very aware that when we choose to act out of that Source/God or love part of each of us, it changes everything.  For example, the atmosphere and all of the people change their actions in the face of a response of forgiveness and love to acts of terrorism.  I am reminded of the comment “There is no way to peace.  Peace is the way.”

Connection

We really are “spiritual beings having a physical experience”, as I have heard many people say.  Additionally, that soul or spirit part is very much present in each of us and is connected, usually unconsciously, to the Source/God or love.  As part of my therapeutic work with clients I connect with that part, a very meaningful experience.  Part of the reason I do that is that part does not lie or deceive, as does the conscious part.  In order for me to make a strong connection with my clients it is best for me to work with both the conscious and unconscious parts.

Perspective

The topic in my recovery meeting today was perspective or perception and I immediately began reflecting on the changes in views that I have gone through. For my first thirty-six years, before recovery, my perspective was decidedly judgmental and fear-based.  I viewed the world as a hostile place that I could deal with if I stayed on guard.  I now view the world through a filter of love, a different perspective.  I don’t view everything as pretty or even pleasant, in fact in many ways, conditions look fairly bleak.  However, I also believe that the universe is unfolding just fine and that the outcome will be good, even if it is unpleasant.

Holistic Healing

The MD I went to yesterday, my PCP, believes she is in charge of maintaining my health and I think that I am in charge, using the information she provides me.  Using the information she provides is an important first step, directing my application of the healing power of unconditional love.  I subject myself to a variety of tests and inspection, an unpleasant process, in order to know how to direct healing energy, a very holistic approach.  I realize that my situation is “anecdotal” and may not apply to others, but it works for me.

Health & Healing

I went to my MD. for my annual physical today, always an unpleasant experience, since I end up focusing on my numerous physical problems for a couple of hours.  In addition her role is to look for health problems, so she is problem oriented, while I am health and solution oriented.  It is remarkable to me that both viewpoints are necessary for me to continue to maintain health.  Both viewpoints are also important if I am to maintain an attitude of humility and acceptance.