Change 2

The other evening I had a period of feeling sorry for myself, feeling that life was just too hard. For that period I had forgotten that everything in my life was a gift, sometimes in strange wrapping paper, or, as Williamson put it, "Every circumstance------no matter how painful-----is a gauntlet thrown down by the universe, challenging us to become who we are capable of being." Remembering that sort of thing, I changed my thinking to gratitude for the things I have learned.

Change

I really like the words of Marianne Williamson when she wrote "It is time to die to who we used to be and to become instead who we are capable of being. That is the gift that awaits us now: the chance to become who we really are. And that is the miracle: the gift of change." That change to becoming who I really am is what the transforming events I spoke of yesterday have led me to. I now wish to do everything I can to help others achieve the same sort of change.

Unconditional Love

I was reading today in Mark Anthony’s book Evidence of Eternity, his comment that "Nancy Evans Bush, the president emeritus of the Near-Death Experience Society has said, "Most near-death experience [N.D.E.] subjects say they don’t think there is a God—they know there is a God." In 2006 I had an N.D.E., and I have also had numerous miraculous experiences of that same presence or force. In addition, I am with God every night through prayer and meditation. I have been gifted to know God, though I do not understand and cannot define that entity. I am in no way a religious person and I definitely have a less than "pure" past, meaning I am not "worthy" in any traditional sense, which seems to make no difference. Following that example, I love the people I meet regardless of what they do or believe.

Spiritual Path

Today in my recovery meeting we talked about spirituality and the spiritual path, topics that I feel very passionate about. I have a very strong spiritual connection and, as a result, my life is wonderful beyond all belief. That part sounds like a joyous and peaceful "field of clover", which it is. However, it is also important for anyone attempting to achieve or maintain a spiritual path to realize that it requires a high degree of honest, humble introspection and discipline. I have been privileged to assist several people on their path and one of them said "following a spiritual path is not supposed to feel like this!" The fact is that following a spiritual path, at times, is neither fun nor easy, but don’t turn back - it’s worth it.

Loving Power 2

As I said yesterday "I have come to connect with and know an unconditionally loving power or force that I now call God". The emotional, physical and spiritual healing that has resulted from that connection is miraculous, at least according to conventional wisdom. I am living with and have partially recovered from a disability which, according to the experts, should have killed me some time ago. I am also clean and sober and have a wonderful life, not bad! I carry that feeling with me and everything I do and say each day, impacting those around me, a wonderful thing to be part of.

Loving Power

I have come to connect with and know an unconditionally loving power or force that I now call God. I live within that force and use it daily. I feel no need to personify that force though I certainly have a tendency to do so. Unconditional means no conditions, so that power does not care what you call it or even if you consider yourself an atheist. Learning, growing and acting in a loving manner is enough. A human cannot hurt that power’s feelings so obedience or any sort of ceremony is not required. That power will love you regardless and, having experienced that, I can only attempt to do the same.

Change

Today I am very aware of being in the midst of the messy and complex emotions that result from being connected to everything and everybody, while also being in the midst of transition or change. On the one hand I enjoy the peace of just going about my somewhat predictable and moderately variable daily activities and interactions. I have grown accustomed to those connections and that level of variability. Those connections have become part of my "comfort zone". The possibility of moving and shifting my career path means that those connections are changing and I no longer have a comfort zone.

Self-Care

Life is good - very messy but good! I know that as long as I do my prayer, meditation and take care of my physical needs. If I take care of myself and stay humble and grateful then I enjoy life and tend to be amused by the silly humanness of myself and others. If, on the other hand, I do not take the necessary time for self-care, I begin to take things more seriously and feel stress, pretty simple. I just spent a couple of days working pretty hard, concerned with complex family issues of my clients, so now I need to recognize that and back off a bit.

Priorities

I make it a point to be very involved in typical day to day challenges like taxes, bills, material possessions or dealing with workplace drama while also keeping in mind the importance of love, compassion and faith in something. I attempt to keep in mind that "Nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all". During meditation I frequently laugh gently at myself for being concerned about things that don’t matter much. That laughter helps me to then realize that things like love, connection & relationships matter.

Love, Compassion and Faith

I have been privileged many times to be in the presence of and work with people that were going through very difficult physical and emotional times, frequently involving extreme pain, fear and threat of death. I say privilege since their condition strips away the trivialities of life and forces us both into a position of greater love, compassion, reality and faith. I am very familiar with that position because of recovery from my own difficulties and those other people sense that. I now carry that position with me through the day and benefit from that position during every encounter or interaction. I am passionate about spreading greater love, compassion and faith in something.