Being Of Service

One of the other attendees at the Friend’s (Quaker) meeting I went to this morning spoke of the need for each of us to push ourselves in order to be a model and guide for others to follow, a point I am very familiar with since that is what I am doing, having just moved to MD from AZ. The action on my part feels very vital and right. I keep thinking of a quote I heard many years ago, that "To attain excellence, you must care more than others think wise, risk more than others think safe and dream more than others think practical".

Paradox

I find myself in the midst of a paradox. On the one hand I am totally convinced that my recent move to Maryland was the right thing to do. I feel strongly that I am on the right spiritual path, and, in that way, I feel very good about my life’s events. On the other hand I am also lost, confused and impatient. As Thomas H. Green, S.J. says of the life of prayer; "We discover that it is only by giving ourselves away totally that we truly come to possess ourselves, that we are most free when most surrendered. We begin to realize that light is darkness and darkness light. We become lost in a trackless desert — and then, if we persevere despite our disorientation, we begin to realize that it is only being lost, in losing ourselves, that we are found." Life feels very good.

Dealing With Wordly Concerns

Well, having traveled a couple of thousand miles, I am now located in MD, looking for a house and feeling lost, frustrated, confused, peaceful, grateful or blessed depending on the moment. I tend to feel lost, frustrated and confused when I get lost or absorbed by worldly, fear based thoughts and actions like looking for a home or dealing with financial issues. I keep reflecting on comments like those of St. John of the Cross; "He should learn to remain in God’s presence with a loving attention and a tranquil intellect, even though this seems like idleness to him. Soon he will find little by little that a ‘divine calm and peace with a wondrous, sublime knowledge of God, enveloped in divine love, will be infused into his soul’" or the comments of Dubay, S. M.; "Immersion in God entails a being filled with Him, a divine inflowing. Biblical men knew well enough that this self-communication of God is the sole destiny of men."

This area is full of people very earnestly attempting to feel good about themselves through the accumulation of "money, power and prestige", something I have done as well. Personally I have found that "The unending yearnings of the human spirit are satisfied by nothing that can be measured, seen, heard or touched. To focus selfishly on anything in the created order is to be restricted and thus to fall that far short of full freedom." I have been practicing a lot of prayer and meditation each day.

Off-line

I will be moving across the country and off-line for a week or so.  Be at peace.

Acting Out Of Love

Several times today I found myself in the situation of having other people express their fear and sadness because of our moving. I then found myself describing how wonderful it was that Maria and myself were simply responding to a spiritual calling to be in the east carrying the message of love, peace and spirit. I keep thinking of the words of Williamson; "If you can rise above the fear in your life and live the love within you, and if I can rise above my fear and live the love in me-----if that drama is reenacted enough times by enough of the world’s people-----then we will pierce the cosmic darkness and tip the world in the direction of light." That is my goal.

Following a Spiritual Calling

I was the main speaker in my recovery meeting this morning and I spoke of my love for the people in Flagstaff, gratitude for my experiences here and following my spiritual "calling" to go back east to Maryland. People in the meeting spoke meaningfully and understandably of the fact that they will miss me and the impact I have had on them here, all true and I do not wish to detract from that. There was little, but some, talk of the importance of following a spiritual calling. I find it quite remarkable and commendable that Maria and I are following a calling at our ages, and, for each of us, in spite of physical difficulties.

Perspective

It’s a bit strange for me to realize and describe, but today I have been very aware of two sides or parts of me. One, very human and vulnerable, part feels the loss, grief and fear associated with my coming move and career change very acutely. In fact when experiencing this part, I have physical signs of stress, headaches and trouble sleeping. On the other hand, the "God" or eternal, loving part of me is totally at peace, enjoys the outpouring of love on all sides and realizes this is a mere speck of time which, by itself, means next to nothing. At the same time I realize that, as a person, I am shifting toward the God part.

Guidance

Today was my last session with a client from the recovery outfit that has been giving me most of my clients for the last six years. It is now time for me to become less of a therapist and more of the person I spoke of yesterday along with becoming more of an author. I am ready for the change and wonder what it will look like. Part of that change will be moving to MD and buying a house there. I am also actively promoting my book, looking for a literary agent and preparing to present workshops on the meditative practices suggested in my book. Each of these changes will require guidance and support, I need to pay attention, listen and take action.

Communion

During my time in recovery I have encountered a very powerful, loving, creative, force/power that I now call God, though the name does not matter. What does matter is that I am totally devoted to that force/power and seek its guidance in all of my actions. I am reminded of the comments of Borg about the historical Jesus; "Finally, the image of Jesus as a spirit person has implications for how we think of the Christian life. It shifts the focus of the Christian life from believing in Jesus or believing in God to being in relationship to the same spirit that Jesus knew. It is the claim that I emphasized at the end of chapter 1 and that will emerge yet again in this book: that the Christian life moves beyond believing in God to being in relationship to God." I have no idea if I am Christian or not, I do know that it makes little or no difference and that having that relationship makes all the difference.

Leading By Serving

As I said earlier today, I lead by being a servant, by serving others. What I mean is expressed nicely by Walsch when he said "A true Master is not the one with the most students, but the one who creates the most Masters. A true leader is not the one with the most followers, but the one who creates the most leaders. A true king is not the one with the most subjects, but the one who leads the most to royalty. A true teacher is not the one with the most knowledge, but the one who causes the most others to have knowledge. And a true God is not One with the most servants, but One who serves the most, thereby making Gods of all others." I have taken that approach and had a considerable impact on the recovery community in Flagstaff. It now appears that it is time to broaden my approach to the general population near and possibly including the DC area