Discernment

Lately I have been continuing my activities to be of service to mankind while also taking care of myself and enjoying the vibrance of spring. I connect with God daily through prayer and meditation, asking for support and guidance. As always, I also stay alert for any indications of new assignments, what I call "marching orders", through my daily meditation and contemplation, often during working in our gardens. I work with several living people and spirits that have already transitioned. Maria and I also have our work with the Friends. "It requires even more discernment to discover whether the ministry called for from a particular individual in a particular instance requires prophetic speech, humble and hidden activities, bold and dramatic action, professional service or some, novel and previously unimagined course." (Patricia Loring)

Mystical Experience

On Thursday evenings Maria and I lead a one hour, largely silent, Friend’s worship service in the 19^th century meeting house of the Sandy Spring group. For me the evening begins about ½ hour before the actual service when I greet the huge tulip poplar right outside of the meeting house and invite the spirits hanging around the adjacent graveyard to join us. At the appointed time a ½ dozen or so people join us for an hour of meditative, silence seeking guidance and divine connection. Because of the group meditation and the spirits, the feeling of presence is very strong. Usually one or two people speak briefly about what they sense and the rest of us just feel the presence. "The very fact that such a mighty experience [mystical worship] as this is possible means that there is some inner meeting place between the soul and God; in other words, that the divine and human, God and man, are not wholly sundered." (Rufus Jones)

Eternity

Yesterday I wrote about life, death and eternity and today I was feeling the eternal nature of life’s transient events. It is my understanding and experience that it is precisely the dealing with life’s difficulties that gives eternal value to the short-term experiences of life. In my case, I have had numerous physical and emotional difficulties to overcome. Overcoming each of those difficulties has taught me a bit more about Love, compassion and God. In order for me to benefit from life’s events I have to "listen" to the universe rather than simply being pissed off about the challenge or difficulty. "And though ideas such as these may seem unimportant in our bustling world, the testimony of seekers after life in all ages is that nothing is so important as the completion of our half-lives, the God-filling of our void." (Gilbert Kilpack)

Death

Not to be morose but the inevitability and proximity of my death is always with me and, in fact, the presence of that reality adds to the apparent beauty of life. Because of my disability I have taken downturns and been near death three times. My awareness of death is always present. I walk through life with death as my partner, which adds to my appreciation of both life and eternity. Life is very short-lived and transient but what I learn in the process of life will be with my spirit eternally. "The moral which needs more emphasis in this century than in any other of which we have record is that a complete life can only be lived when the fact of death is kept steadily in mind." (Bertrand Russell)

Faith

Elizabeth Ostrander Sutton commented that "Faith, then, means putting trust in a process that slowly builds an intimate relationship with someone I can neither see nor fully understand, but only feel. Living a life of faith implies being in continual contact with God and opening up to being searched and known." I have an intimate relationship with God but I cannot say that my trust is 100%, which, as far as I can tell, matters not at all. My lack of complete trust is simply part of being human and because of the loving, unconditional nature of that relationship, my hesitation does not detract. Admitting that part of me to0 God and myself is an aspect of being "searched and known".

Awakening

Since getting into recovery I have changed my life, or my life has been changed for me, I’m not sure which (and care not at all!). I used to believe that my intellect, money, power, and prestige would satisfy all of my needs. I was a functional addict/alcoholic in love with my many distractions. I was also fairly accomplished and totally unhappy. I now lead a spiritual life with relationships, love and compassion as my main focus. My approach is very rich and fulfilling. "He stood before me. He stands before mankind, asking us all, asking the nations and the leaders of nations, the statesmen and the simple people, whether they will destroy themselves or whether they will give themselves to the grip of his power and thereby a new life in which love, not greed or lust for power, is the new dynamic."(Emil Fuchs)

Choice

According to Paul in Galatians 5:23 the fruits of the Spirit (evidence that leadings are divine in origin) have been translated as "love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control". For me this means that if I follow the path of the leading, my emotions and spirit will be bathed in love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control, which is why I meditate as much as I do. It is through my meditation and contemplation that I determine my path. My choice certainly entails focus, discipline and partaking in minimal distractions, but is well worth it.

Discernment

Several years back, during a sweat lodge ceremony, I prayed for discernment, the ability to determine the right path or divine guidance as opposed to some sort of ego driven, or self-centered path. I was granted the ability and have developed it since. For me, my right path has the feeling of washing myself in a clear mountain stream, something I have done during camping trips. The feeling is one of peaceful, simple clarity and cleansing of spirit. On the other hand the ego driven or self centered path feels murky. As Patricia Loring once wrote "Discernment is a gift from God, not as a personal achievement. The gift is not the result of training, technique, or analysis. Like other gifts of God, its origin is mysterious and gratuitous." If I choose to follow that path and make that choice, the results are wonderful.

Life

Since getting into recovery my life’s path has shifted in a way that’s hard to accurately describe, partly since I don’t, and possibly never will, understand its scope and partly because it’s ineffable. Formerly I was following a "normal" path of intellectual achievement, money, power and prestige, a life that was based on fear and that I found unfulfilling. I have since shifted into a life based on love, relationships and deepening connection with all things, a life I find to be totally fulfilling. I now know that I am far more than I thought I was as long as I stay humble, an interesting paradox. My life has changed and I am grateful. "He [Jesus] stood before me. He stands before mankind, asking us all, asking the nations and the leaders of nations, the statesmen and the simple people, whether they will destroy themselves or whether they will give themselves to the grip of his power and thereby a new life in which love, not greed or lust for power, is the new dynamic. (Emil Fuchs)

Consciousness

Instances of disassociation during the life process and the shift of consciousness upon death have helped me realize that consciousness is not only located in the brain. At times of pain because of my disability my consciousness shifted to points outside of my body so that I became a spectator of my own actions. I have heard similar reports from others during their periods of stress or pain. During my near-death-experience my consciousness shifted for a while to the "outskirts" of the spirit plane while my body remained here. Several people have also reported being able to project their consciousness to locations outside of the body. "Reality is only partly our invention; it is also partly our discovery. Our task is to discover how much and in what areas which is which; and then to determine how much new freedom this gives us and what we can do with it". (Lawrence LeShan)