Balance

Today my activities felt balanced and harmonious, always keeping in mind the sacred nature of life. I exercised, had a good connection and conversation with one of the people I work with, meditated, mowed some lawn and relaxed by eating lunch and watching a movie. I have had some difficulty in maintaining a balance lately, either working too much or participating in too many distractions — neither felt right. "If you choose to center your life in Divine Radiance, two things can be pretty much guaranteed. One, life will not be as simple as it could be if you had chosen another way. The Spirit-centered life has little in common with ‘Business as usual.’  Two, there will never be a dull moment. You will see the colors of music, hear the songs of color and be blessed with magic people. A fair trade I'd say." (Joy Marsh)

Life

Today during meditation I heard "you are not worthy", specifically not worthy of my connection with God, the work I do with other people and the work I do with spirits, a message from my troubled and tumultuous past. This message which was strictly within myself was accompanied by an increase in joint and back pain. Not surprisingly, at almost seventy, I am tired of dealing with my past — sigh. In my meditation I acknowledged the feelings, felt them as strongly as I could (extremely unpleasant!) and let them pass, knowing they had no validity. After a brief increase in intensity, my pain lessened. Life is good, a bit weird but good. "He should learn to remain in God’s presence with a loving attention and a tranquil intellect", even though this seems like idleness to him. Soon he will find little by little that a "divine calm and peace with a wondrous, sublime knowledge of God, enveloped in divine love, will be infused into his soul". (St. John of the cross)

Discernment

I have encountered several statements saying that discernment (the ability to detect if received comments are of divine or other origin) is a gift from God and that most people cannot determine if a message is divine. I prayed for discernment many years ago and was granted the gift, but I know not how or why. I have likened a divine message as feeling like being bathed in a clear mountain stream. Other messages are "cloudy". The two feel very different. When I get a divine message it is usually simple and clear. If I give myself a message from intellect or ego it can be very convincing but never feels right, "Discernment is a gift from God, not as a personal achievement. The gift is not the result of training, technique, or analysis. Like other gifts of God, its origin is mysterious and gratuitous." (Patricia Loring)

Mystical Worship

Yesterday I wrote of my own "mystical worship" or worship (meditation in my case) where I experience the presence of God, a nightly practice of mine. Such a practice is only possible because of what I call the "God seed" within me, also called "that small quiet voice". I often connect with that part of a person when I work with them as a mentor or spiritual guide. I have come to realize that everyone has that seed and potential within them. That seed requires some practice, focus and discipline to make it grow and become stronger. "The very fact that such a mighty experience [mystical worship] as this is possible means that there is some inner meeting place between the soul and God; in other words, that the divine and human, God and man, are not wholly sundered." (Rufus Jones)

Connection

Every night when I connect with the force I call God I find and bathe my spirit in absolute and unconditional love of a strength, power and purity that is well beyond anything of human origin. Somehow when there I also gain insight and guidance primarily for the coming day and sometimes beyond that. I carry that feeling and that guidance with me for the day until I connect again. I often think of this as being with Christ since he knew of and became part of that force, though I generally feel no need to personify God. During that connection I am open and honest about my thoughts, attachments and distractions which can take me away or block me from God, but I simply honor them as part of my humanity, rather than considering them as sins. I do not understand that force but have complete trust and faith in it.

Choice

We had the meeting of the reading group I wrote of yesterday and most of the members spoke with admiration and devotion about the "looking within" of various past Quaker seekers and I spoke of my own disciplines and practices of looking within. What I notice is that many people speak or write with very genuine admiration and devotion about the practices of others and their own wish to have that same connection, but then fail to follow through with their own discipline and practices. As Gilbert Kilpack, another Quaker, wrote, "We want to be spiritually alive, but also to be comfortable; to be prayerful, but not to rise early in the morning to pray; to possess power to lead, but not to undergo the discipline that it takes to control the power." My choice of discipline had to initially be renewed pretty much daily and now comes easily and with pleasure.

Looking Within

The Friend’s reading group I am a part of meets tomorrow to discuss various methods of people "looking within" in order to cultivate and nurture that "small quiet voice", the God seed in each of us. My methods have included daily meditation, contemplation, numerous sweat lodges and four vision quests. I have encountered what Thomas Dubay, S. M. Calls a "mystical touch"; "a deep, intimate contact-union-experience of God in one of His attributes such as power, light, goodness, beauty, or joy." As with other people in the past, in my case this sort of connection has required discipline and daily practice but the resulting feeling of fulfillment has been well worth it. "The unending yearnings of the human spirit are satisfied by nothing that can be measured, seen, heard or touched. To focus selfishly on anything in the created order is to be restricted and thus to fall that far short of full freedom." (Thomas Dubay)

Listening

After the silent, meditative listening meeting for worship last night , one of the participants and I talked about the difficulty and importance of truly listening. The meeting itself is a form of listening for guidance. Whether I am working with a living person, spirit or just meditating on my own it is of great importance that I clear myself of "mind chatter" and listen. I also leave any and all electronic devices at home, in my car or at least out of reach and hearing so that I am not distracted. "Listening is a far more difficult process than most people imagine; really to listen in the way that is meant by the masters is to let go utterly of ourselves, to let go of all the information, all of the concepts, all the ideas and all the prejudices that our heads are stuffed with." (Sogyal Rinpoche)

Clarity

When I meditate, contemplate or connect I aspire to be a clear and open channel, meaning I have worked through and given up the parts of my personality that cloud or color my perceptions. In the past I have had many judgements, desires, fantasies, illusions and attachments, like my beliefs around the importance of my intellect. One by one I have witnessed their importance to me and given them up in favor of my being a clear not clouded mirror, an arduous process which continues. "To get we must also give, to advance we must also surrender, to gain we must lose, to attain we must resign. From the nature of things life means choice and selection, and every positive choice negates all other possibilities." (Rufus Jones)

Clarity

Part of the challenge in my work with spirits is that I have to be completely honest and at peace with who I really am, including all strengths, weaknesses, doubts and fantasies, since they can see "right through me". When working with them it is impossible to hide or present any sort of a false front. Fortunately I have worked through many of my own facades though they help me find new ones. I also am largely free of common religious symbols, metaphors and beliefs which could color or cloud my communications since I was raised without religion. "One by one we move beyond conceptions of ourselves, just as we pass beyond metaphors, symbols, and conceptions of God on the way into unmediated, unknowing, intimate relationship with the source of our being." (Patricia Loring)