Last Entry

This will be my last entry until Monday the 17^th. This evening I am in the retreat "zone", a condition which tells me this retreat is important for some reason. I may or may not know why the retreat is important and I am good with that. I will allow and be present. I do feel the Presence of some force I will call God. I am also confident that I will get the necessary guidance and all I need to do is listen and act accordingly. I have been excitedly packing and now I just feel at peace. I particularly look forward to being along the shoreline of the Sea of Cortez at dawn for the next few mornings, performing a dawn ceremony and meditation,

Peace

Yesterday I was anxious and scattered and right now I am at peace though nothing external to me has changed except that I am one day closer to the things that were causing most of my disturbance. The reason for my shift is that I explored what was troubling me during meditation by allowing the feelings and understanding them. I wrote and talked about the anxiety in a very open and loving way. I recall the first time I followed the same process with my own anger. I actually felt cheated because the anger passed so quickly, not allowing me to build up a head of steam. "When the diverse living energies of the human system are harmonized, the present bloody face of the world will be transformed into an image of the face of God." (A.B. Schmookler)

Scattered

Tonight I am scattered! Normally I scan through my day and my quotes looking for any spiritual lesson that "jumps out" at me to write about in this blog. Today I have been visiting with my in-laws, dealing with finances, preparing for shopping and making some last minute preparations for the coming retreat. In short, I have gotten hooked in to life. Time to relax and trying to meditate. "indeed, it is only through the practice of inner silence that we can begin to disentangle ourselves from our culture and its illusions. (Daniel A. Seeger)

Listening

I attended a family gathering of my in-laws today during which my mother-in-law noted that she was losing her hearing and missed many of the words being spoken. I pointed out that she could still listen between the words and that a great deal of communication takes place there in the unspoken. I did not elaborate so my point was lost but during any conversation there is an exchange of energy and often a joining of energy fields which, unlike the spoken word, is honest and a major part of the communication. It is possible to pay attention to the unspoken. Words can lie while the unspoken cannot. "To understand better the value of silence in daily life, and its relation to this spiritual transformation for which we yearn, it is useful first to consider the limitation of language, of words. "(Daniel A. Seeger)

Connection

When I communicate with inhabitants of the unseen realm, spirits and trees, I first meditatively connect with God’s power and Love, then telepathically show them what that power and Love feel like so they can feel it themselves and then pass it on. I have also succeeded in showing that power and Love to living humans at least twice. In each case with living people they were about to die and their knowing helped their transition. In order to show them I generated and allowed that power and Love to pass through me, an unforgettable and intense experience. I had to connect with the God part of myself and God, then allowing myself to be enveloped in that Love and power, an experience impossible to explain. "There are, says saint John of the Cross, encounters with God such that the devil cannot possibly counterfeit them, nor can one’s imagination create them. Some are so indelibly imprinted in the center of one’s being that they can neither be described nor forgotten."

Gifts

Yesterday I wrote of one of the many gifts I have received from God during the process of my life. We all receive gifts, usually as a result of overcoming some sort of challenge or difficulty. In my case the difficulties usually came in the form of pain or fear and, in some way, associated with my disability. In the past I needed pain or fear to motivate me but now I also listen to the more positive love voice. According to Marianne Williamson "We will be given every opportunity to learn through joy, and when we deny ourselves that, we will learn through pain. But we will learn." Right now, as a result of those gifts, I live in a world of joy and love. She goes on to write "If you can rise above the fear in your life and live the love within you, and if I can rise above my fear and live the love in me-----if that drama is reenacted enough times by enough of the world’s people-----then we will pierce the cosmic darkness and tip the world in the direction of light."

Blessing

My niece (in-law?) just had a baby and the three of them will be visiting with my other in-laws in a few days. Maria and I will be visiting with them. I will have an opportunity to bless the new baby and, possibly do some loving, probing and connecting with her. I will let her know how much I love her and let her know how special she is, also acknowledging that I am special and allowing her to probe me, as deeply as she wishes. The only outward evidence of the blessing and probing is usually that the baby will stare at me and, often, smile. Inwardly, it feels like an honor to be able to do that and I will probably sense her pure, sweet, loving power. I first learned of this gift perhaps fifteen years ago and have done it numerous times since. No-one is usually aware of the process except the mothers have often apologized for the child staring.

Love Force

Benjamin Friedman points out that "When material progress falters........people become more jealous of their status relative to others. Anti-immigrant sentiment typically increases, as does conflict between races and classes; concern for the poor tends to decline." It seems apparent that what he describes fits the conditions in this country right now and also many of the political decisions being made. The choices being made are regrettable and totally understandable. I believe that it would be better for everything and everyone if the decisions were made based on faith, love and recognition of the oneness I mentioned yesterday. I will continue to talk about the Love force at every opportunity!

Connection

In the sweat lodge we referred to the earth as our mother and it was there that I began to think of the plants and animals as my brothers and sisters. It feels like everything and everyone are all connected as one. When I walk outside or during my dawn ceremony I can also feel the Presence of the loving force I call God. It feels glorious and I am extremely grateful to be aware and feel the connection.  "I tell you, I am in every flower, every rainbow, every star in the heavens, and everything in and on every planet rotating around every star. I am the whisper of the wind, the warmth of your sun, the incredible individuality and the extraordinary perfection of each snowflake. I am the majesty in the soaring flight of eagles, and the innocence of the doe in the field; the courage of lions, the wisdom of the ancient ones." (Neale Donald Walsch, G. P., )

Listening

This morning during my recovery meeting I was planning to request a "group conscience" in order to discuss what I thought was the need for the meeting to be more rigid in its adherence to traditional recovery — But when I got there I felt compelled to wait and listen. I was concerned that my desire of calling for that group conscience and being more rigid was motivated by ego fears and not love based. My plan did not feel right so I kept quiet and listened. There were two very new people at the meeting, one of them still detoxing. They each expressed their gratitude and were obviously helped by the looseness of the meeting. They had each attended more traditionally rigid meetings and clearly benefitted from our looser approach. I think I will remain quiet. "It [inner silence] is to establish an inner peace, an inner harmony, which will allow us authentically to contribute to the establishment of an outer peace and an outer harmony in the world at large." (Daniel A. Seeger)