Health

Today, right now, I am experiencing lower back and hip muscle spasms which seem to be part of my disability but like any other physical problem the spasms are also impacted by my physical and emotional condition.  In this case I am going through a period of high anxiety because of change in my life so prayer, meditation and simply being kind to myself can help, so things like affirmations and relaxation.  I also need to keep in touch with my body, meaning sleep, eating carefully and, in this case, enough salt.  I am better at taking care of my internal spiritual matters but this is a good reminder that I need to stay in touch with the whole picture.

Meditation

When I get up in the middle of the night to pray and meditate I am primarily listening for guidance concerning timely events and their position in eternity.  Many life events, like finances, have little impact on eternity and others, like loving relationships, have greater meaning.  All take on a feeling of peace and all are wrapped in Love. “Faith, then, means putting trust in a process that slowly builds an intimate relationship with someone I can neither see nor fully understand, but only feel.  Living a life of faith implies being in continual contact with God and opening up to being searched and known.” (Elizabeth Ostrander Sutton)

Gratitude

I was struck with gratitude yesterday that I no longer lie to, attempt to control or manipulate other people.  I was reminded of this when I went to pick up my car after having some routine service.  There was a dispute going on between another customer and the mechanic.  That customer was exhibiting very loud self-righteous anger and using the same exact techniques I used to use in order to force his will on the mechanic.  There, but for the grace of God, go I.  I hope he is not feeling as hurt and angry as I did and I hope he finds a solution.

Meditation

When I get up in the middle of the night. After drinking some harmonizing tea, I go into deep meditation and a strong connection with God and when there I work with spirits and self-healing.  As Elaine Pagels comments below, I encounter “something compelling, powerful, even terrifying” and I am, indeed, in the process of transformation.  I find the meditation exhilarating. Exciting and disturbing.  “Yet I sometimes encountered, in churches and elsewhere—in the presence of a venerable Buddhist monk, in the cantor’s singing at a bar mitzvah, and on mountain hikes—something compelling, powerful, even terrifying that I could not ignore, and I had come to see that, besides belief, Christianity involves practice—and paths toward transformation.”

Love

As Rufus Jones said and wrote “The democracy I want will treat every human person as a unique, sacred, and indispensable member of a spiritual whole, a whole which remains imperfect if even one of its “little ones” is missing; and its fundamental axiom will be the liberation and realization of the inner life which is potential in every member of the human race.”  I can and will do everything I can to help that become a reality but the political situation right now makes it quite clear that we are not there.  Love, compassion and understanding bring us closer to that goal.

Gratitude

Just a good solid day, nothing notable or spectacular.  I began the day shortly after midnight with prayer and meditation, slept a while, shopped for the week, exercised and meditated some more.  I now just feel grateful I can have such a day and I know many people who cannot.  I look around me and see many people who move and do other things much more easily than I do and they take it for granted.  I used to --- but not any more.  I am grateful for the life I have.

Harmony

According to the Thomas gospel, Jesus says that the primordial light or power not only brought the entire universe into being but still shines through everything we see and touch.  I, often, get in touch, harmonize and feel that power when I meditate on whatever object I choose.  I find harmonizing easiest with the ocean or a storm but also with things like feathers from birds, rocks or trees.  I feel that power and use it for healing.  “Jesus said, ‘I am the light which is before all things.  It is I who am all things.  From me all things came forth, and to me all things extend.  Split a piece of wood, and I am there; lift up the stone, and you will find me.’” from the gospel of Thomas

Silence

I enjoy silence in the world around me.  External silence makes it easier to look inside to find out what I am thinking and/or feeling and it allows me to hear what God has to tell me.  Maria and I spend Thursday night at her mother’s and the people in that home enjoy constant technological noise from computers, TV and I-phones.  Last night I actually got to the point of craving silence so I went into a secluded room, turned out the light, closed the door and meditated while sitting on the floor, it was wonderful.  “When a peaceful silence lay over all, and the night had run half of her swift course, down from the heavens, from the royal throne, leapt your all powerful word.” (the book of Wisdom 18:14, 15)

Fear

Yesterday and the day before I was struggling with the fear of returning to my destructive, ego driven behavior of the past.  The fear has no basis in my current life but then it’s useful for me to recall that feelings are not rational and frequently have no validity.  It was useful for me to recall that I used to call it “galloping fear” since it switches quickly from one thing to another.  As I often advise others, I felt the fear as strongly as I could, gave it no validity and let it pass (like a fart).  I feel much better today and am able to deal with more computer problems.

Change

I am accustomed to and prefer to have a feeling of sameness and predictability for most of my life, which then allows me to deal with the parts of life that shift and change.  Right now I keep working on the self-healing I mentioned last month which involves working with karma, layers of self and God’s will for me.  As I work on them, through meditation, everything keeps shifting and that makes me uncomfortable and also increases my need for slowing down and self-care.  The day begins!