Solitude

This morning I am looking forward to a quiet, simple day of doing some gardening, some computer work, meditating and solitude, partially reinforced by the shutdown.  I enjoy the solitude since it is easier for me to arrive at inner silence, which I find necessary if I am to listen to “that small quiet voice” and the voice of the Universe and God.  “It [inner silence] is to establish an inner peace, an inner harmony, which will allow us authentically to contribute to the establishment of an outer peace and an outer harmony in the world at large.” (Daniel A. Seeger)

Gratitude

When I woke this morning I noted the pain in my shoulder and lower back.  I got up, noted my stiffness and put a bag of trash out by the curb for pick-up.  I was not feeling pleased with any of that and was feeling life to be a chore.  It then occurred to me that I could feel grateful that I was capable of carrying the trash, grateful for my house, the curb and the service to pick it up!  I had a bit of an attitude shift and it now looks like a good day.  “Immersion in God entails a being filled with Him, a divine inflowing.  Biblical men knew well enough that this self-communication of God is the sole destiny of men.” (Thomas Dubay, S. M.)

Primordial Light

Yesterday I wrote of the primordial light that “still shines through everything we see and touch” and which I feel all of the time, whether it’s working in the garden, walking in the woods, watching a glorious sunrise, doing the dishes or sweeping the floor.  I depend on that precious feeling and its reality.  The God I know is responsible for it and Jesus knew of it.  I have heard people and spiritual leaders talk of a “down time” when they could not feel that Light or its guidance.  I hope that never happens to me and I believe if I continue with my daily practices, I will continue to feel it.

Focus

As I commented a few days back, “ I feel great Love, tremendous gratitude and eternity all day and every day” a condition I refer to as the Kingdom of God, which Jesus said was in the here and now not some future time.  I was not seeking it out it just happened as a result of my spiritual quest and I now work to maintain it by focusing on that primordial light which according to the gospels, “this primordial light not only brought the entire universe into being but still shines through everything we see and touch.”.  Jesus also said   ‘I am the light which is before all things.  It is I who am all things.  From me all things came forth, and to me all things extend.  Split a piece of wood, and I am there; lift up the stone, and you will find me.”  I attempt to sense that all day.

Discipline

Over the years, with Maria, I have developed a relatively monastic way of life which revolves around minimal distractions and maximal quiet meditative and contemplative time, especially the time I spend in prayer and meditation in the middle of the night.  In order to achieve that there is no TV, minimal radio, exercise, a lot of self-care and maintenance of healthy, balanced habits.  Maria has been living with and caring for her mother for the last couple of months so I have been on my own and I am pleased to note that I continue with the same disciplined way of life when I am on my own — with no-one watching.  I feel stronger in that.

Life

I have encountered and live a spiritually rooted and God connected way of life which is truly miraculous.  I feel great Love, tremendous gratitude and eternity all day and every day, which is even more remarkable given my age and physical condition.  The feeling does not come spontaneously, without effort and action on my part.  I have to remind myself that most people do not want to expend the effort and that initially I only made the effort out of desperation.  I now make the daily effort willingly but I used to expect my life to be given to me..

Holistic Healing

I made the comment yesterday that “ I need to get in touch with that part of me if healing is to commence” about the fearful, doubtful part of me, which I would rather not admit or be aware of.  My tendency to avoid fully and exhaustively looking at myself can and does block healing until I break through that tendency which is how I spent most of yesterday and will do again today.  In this case really accepting, embracing, loving and experiencing the fear and pain is a necessary first step in the healing process.  I don’t have to like it and in fact the day was very unpleasant.  I like the results!

Change

Major changes are afoot in me and, at least temporarily, in the world around me.  In typical Charlie fashion I would like to think and say “I’ve got it handled” but an unspoken part of me (expressed as shoulder nerve/muscle pain) is terrified that I do not and I need to get in touch with that part of me if healing is to commence.  I have managed to harness and developed what is commonly called the “placebo effect” with miraculous results which I have mentioned before in this blog.  At the present time I have directed my healing to my disability, resulting in beginning changes in my speech and balance.  I do not know how far my physical changes will go or what they will lead to.  There are also potentially large changes in the world around me.  Time to have faith about how things are unfolding, hopefully increased spirituality and love, we shall see

solitude

I actually, primarily, enjoy the situation of the current shutdown and my life has not changed much from the simple way I normally live, though I do miss the human connection of my recovery meetings.  During most days I clean, cook, exercise, work in my gardens, sit quietly, meditate and talk with people on the phone.  I never shopped much, got involved in technology or was much of a consumer.   I have long realized that if everyone lived the way I choose to, that the economy would collapse and currently something like that is happening.  My hope is that some people find the joy and peace I have in this way of life and choose to continue the silence.  “To understand better the value of silence in daily life, and its relation to this spiritual transformation for which we yearn, it is useful first to consider the limitation of language, of words.....It is next useful to contemplate the limitations of logical reasoning.” (Daniel A. Seeger)

Myself

I am a good man but I am also complete, complex and well rounded, meaning I have my less desirable parts (which I choose not to act on!).  My actions reflect a simple, loving way of life which I have written extensively about in this blog and my book, which was based on my daily actions.  I sense eternity, sense my oneness with everything and everybody, have a strong connection with the force I know as God and I generally act lovingly.  I also have self-centered antisocial and fear based thoughts.  I used to have thoughts which I associated with my addictive side such as thoughts of manipulation, lying and using.  I love, openly admit and embrace all of that which helps me be loving and understanding with others.  I know several people who try to hide from their dark side — I do not.