Dream

  I had one of those significant, powerful dreams last night and as always, with that sort of dream, I remember it and have been ruminating about it.  The dream seemed to be a further acknowledgment and commitment to what I am doing in life and whatever is to come.  In the beginning of the dream I was talking to Maria, my wife, preparing for some sort of gathering and agreeing with her that the group would need some sort of leader which could be me.  I was then part of a gathering of people/entities some of which were alive and some had been alive but were no longer part of my walking around life.  I recall knowing that some of them were dead and wondering at there presence, though the others noticed no difference.  I knew them all and there was a strong feeling that they all belonged in that group.  They were talking among themselves and none noticed any difference between them.  They were all agreeing that a leader was needed and several spoke up and suggested me.  I had a strong feeling of being honored and knew I would do it.  I woke up with the feelings of being honored and commitment.

Guidance

  For my typical decision making process I quiet my mind through some sort of meditative activity, like gardening or sitting on a rock in the woods, ask for guidance and listen, while also  considering various alternatives and seeing how they feel.  I am searching for the alternative which feels “right”.  For many daily tasks I do not get a strong response and I generally assume that my choice makes little difference.  In some cases, like moving out west or back east, I get a strong feeling of rightness and I always make that choice.  It is notable that in the two cases I mention I was told emphatically and repeatedly not to move while my choice, was to follow guidance and move.

Love

  I have been thinking about the feeling of love/peace/well-being that I felt so strongly during my near-death-experience in 2006.  I was told that “this is what it feel like to be dead” and the feeling of love was much stronger than I have encountered in the earthly realm.  During the experience I was also told “You can stay here or go back and be of service”.  I chose to come back to my earthly life because of that love.  I knew that I was coming back to an uncooperative body but I also knew that I could be part of that love by spreading it, by being of service.  I came back because I would do anything to be part of that love

Listening

  This morning I have been reflecting on the attitudes and ideas within me which interfere with my ability to listen deeply to the universe around me, the spoken and unspoken.  I have managed to largely quiet the stories and chatter of my brain, meaning the stories or context my brain focuses on rather than truly attending to what is being said.  I do watch the puzzlement in other people’s faces when the words I say do not mach what they expect.  I manage to not do that, most of the time.  In my listening during meditation to, what I call, the whispers of the universe my listening is still constrained by my expectations and what I consider real.  At this point I do not listen completely openly ---- but I see the problem and am working on it!

Gratitude

  It’s cold (for Columbia MD!) and snowing outside so it seems like a good day for me to stay safe and warmish indoors and be grateful that I have that option.  I had plans to go and visit my mother-in-law but I will do that another day and shift my activities a bit.  It feels good to be flexible and accept what is in front of me without resisting or insisting on continuing with my plans..  A simple thing but I feel grateful.

Love

  This morning I have a mixture of feelings, beginning with feeling “lost in a trackless desert” and quickly mixed with gratitude for my many gifts and being able to know how lost I am.  The main gift I have is love and being able to spread that love.  The lost feeling comes from knowing how much that love is needed and not knowing more than my next step.  Love feels adequate and I can only do my part.  I will get the guidance I need.  “And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.  And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion  of life, keep peace in your soul.  With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.  Be cheerful.  Strive to be happy.” (Ehrmann)

Acceptance

  I have been successful at changing many of my dysfunctional behaviors and many aspects of my physical condition, parts of myself that I did not like at all.  It is paradoxical that in order to make the changes, I must first accept the reality of the situation as it is.  Total acceptance provides a base level I can work from and without that acceptance, I lack a firm starting point.  I can have any feeling I wish toward the situation, hate or love, but I must also accept it.  My feelings make no difference as far as the changes I wish to make.  Right now, I am striving to change my level of physical pain.  I begin each day by assessing my pain level and what I can do about it for that day.  I need to accept the pain I will have for that day and my method works well — but I do not like the pain at all.

Humility

  Yesterday I had a repeat lesson in humility and my insanity in doing the same thing several times and expecting it to work this time. I learned several years ago that humility meant accepting the reality of being who I am without pretense, no pretending to be different than I am.  I need to accept that because of my disability everything I do will take three to five times longer than normal.  Yesterday I tried to do to much and as a result at seven in the evening I was exhausted and still doing the dinner dishes.  This morning I feel grateful for the lesson and am  planning a restful day.  

Life Goal

  Several years ago I set my goal as changing the world one person at a time and it is apparent that I have done and continue to do that.  I picked that goal because I knew it would occupy me for the rest of my life and I find the goal to be fulfilling — it fits me well.  I don’t wish to control anyone or achieve any specific outcome.  I do wish to bring people closer to whatever concept of Love or God works for them and have them use that power/source in their decision making.  Of course I have to begin with me.  “We can cultivate an environment among us which will foster one another’s spiritual growth by directing and redirecting intention and attention to God; by discouraging what draws us away; by loving support for each other in the vicissitudes of our utterly human lives; by respecting and cherishing the uniqueness of each life.”  (Patricia Loring)

Power of Love

  Because of a recent conversation, I was caused to reflect on the role and power of love in my life.  Before my disability I had some familiarity with the love one feels toward another person but I had no clue that I could .use the power of love to physically heal and transform myself, my life.  Daily, I direct loving energy to specific physical problems by generating a loving feeling and sending it by intent to those locations.  I also fill myself with love while meditating and asking for guidance.  I generally let any negative or angry feelings pass and make my decisions based on love.