Love

I had a Near-Death-Experience (NDE) in 2006, meaning I was dead or close to death and “visited” what most people call the “other side”.  While there I could feel extreme and unconditional love more than anything I had encountered in the human plane.  I was given the choice of coming back to this earthly realm and being of service to others.  I knew that was what God wanted and that the best way of holding on to that love was to give it away.  The nature of love is that it creates more love.  Loving and being grateful for everything on earth is what I have been taught and strive to do.  “Christ’s way of propagating the truth------the way that inherently fits the inner life and spirit of the gospel of the Kingdom-----was the way of personal contagion.”  (Rufus Jones)

 

Being of Service

  This entry has been very hard for me to write because on one hand I know that I am not “normal” or ordinary and that I do many things that others consider impossible.  I also know that I am just “another bozo on the bus”.I communicate with animals, plants, spirits and what I call God.  I have done things that were not possible to do and healed many conditions that I could not have.  I have done it all though help and guidance and I doubt that I was ever alone.  I am also Charlie who has surrendered totally and is only minimally attached to earthly things.  I lead a life of service and urge others to do what I have done, in their own way   “You will write and you will teach.  You will live an ordinary life, learning how to remain ordinary in a troubled world to which, in a sense, you no longer belong.  Remain ordinary, and you can be useful to others.” (Dan Millman)

Holistic Healing

  When I meditate I repeatedly receive the clear message that I have been healed which used to make no sense since I am physically disabled, not well. How could I be healed and a physical mess at the same time?  I have since come to realize that healing or health does not equate with physical wellness.  I now realize that healing and health encompass emotional, spiritual and physical factors.  “If this mental model is a correct one, then Western medicine has devoted itself —albeit brilliantly—to the treatment of physical symptoms rather than to the cure of disease.  Whereas the physical model defines cancer as a disease of runaway cells, Chopra defines it as a distortion in the body’s underlying psychic blueprint, creating that wild growth.  To eradicate cancer it is not sufficient to destroy the cancer cells, but instead you must excise the memory of the cancer from the psychic blueprint so that more wild cells don’t replace those killed off.  How can this be accomplished?” (Sylvia Fraser)

Change

I awoke this morning to the feeling of fear, unusual for me but also unmistakable.  Usually I just do my best and have faith that things will work out — a feeling of love and well being.  I immediately thought that I was losing my connection to God, which would be very unpleasant for me.  Then my fear switched to finances, then something else and I remembered that I used to call it “galloping fear”, due to its ability to go from one thing to another.  Time to contemplate and figure out what I was afraid of.  I realized that today I was preparing to begin returning to my “normal” activities and begin fazing out of the isolated, monastic life of the last year.  I was beginning a change in my activity.  I will take it gently and slowly. 

Holistic Healing

  I have been practicing self healing using the power of love and healing touch at least twice a day for some years now.  For the last couple of years my main target has been my neurological disability which is supposed to be degenerative.  I have been warned during meditation that my progress would be slow — and it is!  My jaw coordination has improved to the point that I no longer have open sores in my mouth and I seldom bite myself, rarely to the point of bleeding.  My general coordination has also improved some which I notice mostly when I do my morning stretches and my eyes are closed.  My movements have also speeded up, according to observers, though I am still very slow.  I still have problems with my speech but my jaw is more relaxed.

Dream

  I had one of those significant, powerful dreams last night and as always, with that sort of dream, I remember it and have been ruminating about it.  The dream seemed to be a further acknowledgment and commitment to what I am doing in life and whatever is to come.  In the beginning of the dream I was talking to Maria, my wife, preparing for some sort of gathering and agreeing with her that the group would need some sort of leader which could be me.  I was then part of a gathering of people/entities some of which were alive and some had been alive but were no longer part of my walking around life.  I recall knowing that some of them were dead and wondering at there presence, though the others noticed no difference.  I knew them all and there was a strong feeling that they all belonged in that group.  They were talking among themselves and none noticed any difference between them.  They were all agreeing that a leader was needed and several spoke up and suggested me.  I had a strong feeling of being honored and knew I would do it.  I woke up with the feelings of being honored and commitment.

Guidance

  For my typical decision making process I quiet my mind through some sort of meditative activity, like gardening or sitting on a rock in the woods, ask for guidance and listen, while also  considering various alternatives and seeing how they feel.  I am searching for the alternative which feels “right”.  For many daily tasks I do not get a strong response and I generally assume that my choice makes little difference.  In some cases, like moving out west or back east, I get a strong feeling of rightness and I always make that choice.  It is notable that in the two cases I mention I was told emphatically and repeatedly not to move while my choice, was to follow guidance and move.

Love

  I have been thinking about the feeling of love/peace/well-being that I felt so strongly during my near-death-experience in 2006.  I was told that “this is what it feel like to be dead” and the feeling of love was much stronger than I have encountered in the earthly realm.  During the experience I was also told “You can stay here or go back and be of service”.  I chose to come back to my earthly life because of that love.  I knew that I was coming back to an uncooperative body but I also knew that I could be part of that love by spreading it, by being of service.  I came back because I would do anything to be part of that love

Listening

  This morning I have been reflecting on the attitudes and ideas within me which interfere with my ability to listen deeply to the universe around me, the spoken and unspoken.  I have managed to largely quiet the stories and chatter of my brain, meaning the stories or context my brain focuses on rather than truly attending to what is being said.  I do watch the puzzlement in other people’s faces when the words I say do not mach what they expect.  I manage to not do that, most of the time.  In my listening during meditation to, what I call, the whispers of the universe my listening is still constrained by my expectations and what I consider real.  At this point I do not listen completely openly ---- but I see the problem and am working on it!

Gratitude

  It’s cold (for Columbia MD!) and snowing outside so it seems like a good day for me to stay safe and warmish indoors and be grateful that I have that option.  I had plans to go and visit my mother-in-law but I will do that another day and shift my activities a bit.  It feels good to be flexible and accept what is in front of me without resisting or insisting on continuing with my plans..  A simple thing but I feel grateful.