Holistic Healing

  Whenever I am experiencing physical pain, in addition to addressing the physical issues, I look for any emotional component since dealing with that aspect facilitates healing.  Today I had an injured forefinger which got infected and became extremely painful.  I meditated on the pain and was surprised to encounter a thought/feeling/part of me which felt that I deserved the pain — a hangover from my upbringing.  I have been growing and aspire to be “all I can be”.  There is apparently a part of me that thinks such aspirations in a lowly human such as myself should be punished.  Sigh!  Loving myself and asking for guidance took care of that. 

Self Care

  I have come to enjoy feeling loving, peaceful and quiet most of the time.  It is a condition that I find necessary to maintain using quiet time, frequent meditation and conscious contact.  I find that I am easily distracted by things like most news reports and some household tasks.  Quiet gardening, cooking and quiet time work for me.  Self care has become very important, but I still have to remind myself to take the time.

After Death

  Back in 2006 I had a near-death-experience where I either died or came close to dying and was transported to the spirit realm, commonly called the “other side”.  During the experience I was told “this what it feels like to be dead” and given the choice of returning to the living or staying there.  I made the choice of coming back because of the powerful unconditional love I felt there.  I knew I could continue to experience that feeling by coming back and spreading love. Since coming back I have also joined a group of others who have  had NDEs.  We talk about the experiences which differ some in each case.  Our tendency is to conceptualize the experience using worldly terms and values.  Having been there it is clear to me that the other side of death is very different from this realm. The difference is so great that we are incapable of conceptualizing what it would be like — so I just enjoy the feeling.

Discernment

  During my recovery group today the importance of being able to discern negative and potentially harmful people was discussed.  This was mentioned as a particular problem when viewing all people through the lense of unconditional love, as mentioned in the last entry.  Viewing all people as “beautiful and wonderful” could be dangerous if they did something potentially harmful.  I realized that I actually prayed for and was granted discernment.  I now trust people to be themselves and love them regardless of what they do.  If they do something that could potentially be harmful, I get out of the way, expect it, and do not take it personally 

All People Are Beautiful

  Many years ago, during a sweat lodge, I asked to “see things the way God does”.  My prayer was granted during my NDE (near-death-experience) and the “downloading” in the months after.  I learned and, eventually, came to feel through the powerful unconditional love of that plane that “all people are beautiful and wonderful”. The feeling was similar but stronger that a parent might have toward his or her beloved children, even when they do something harmful to themselves or others. When I first had that feeling myself, I asked how I could continue to function in today’s world with such a feeling.  I was told simply that “you’ll get used to it”.

Discovery

  Tonight my wife was getting rid of some camping equipment we no longer use and I was reminded that before I became disabled we used to go  backpack camping.  I thought of those times fondly but was then reminded by my wife that we were always searching for something.  I wanted a feeling of completion, peace and love which I approached when I was in something like wilderness.  I never quite found that, even when my wife and I spent our honeymoon backpacking in Alaska.  I am now disabled and quite a bit older.  One of the gifts of my disability is that I can’t do much.  I am forced to sit and meditate and in so doing have found what I was looking for I also now realize it was all around me all that time.  All I had to do was sit quietly, be of service and give that gift to others.  “Few things — no things that I know of — are so completely and effectively restorative as the discovery that this World of the environing Spirit is verily closer to us than breathing and is charged with the resources of Life for which we pant.”(Rufus Jones)

Sigh

  I was just reading some of my previous journal entries and what stood out to me was my comment that “simply being “Charlie” for a day is a workout for me” and today I feel that.  I can also look back at all the “gifts” I have been given.  This evening I have some pain, muscle aches and simple tiredness.  Today I have also felt God, love, eternity and the living, loving energy of the earth.  It’s important for me to remember that both are true and I cannot have one without the other.  My life continues and it’s time for bed and then getting up in the middle of the night to pray and meditate!

Choice

  There is no doubt that humans have an angry/fear based/aggressive side which  is liberally “fed” by activities such as most news programs, reports of severe weather or even many negative comments on social media platforms.  Those activities actually increase my feelings of anger, fear and aggression. Feelings which I do not enjoy.  It is also clear to me that we all have a love and compassion side which is supported or fed by activities such as forgiveness, serving others, heartwarming news stories or even the simple act of smiling.  I enjoy those feelings and make the choice of turning off the news after achieving some awareness of daily events.

Meditation

  Yesterday I attended my monthly meeting for people who have had Near-Death-Experience (NDE) or had other spiritual awakenings.  During the group there was a brief discussion of negative feelings such as hate, anger, guilt and shame.  It was mentioned that even on this plane of existence such feelings block free flowing growth.  It was also mentioned that those feelings do not exist on the “other side”.  As I have experienced the overwhelming love in that place is absolute, lacking those negative emotions, the duality we know so well.  I first experienced that absolute through meditation as suggested by Nisargadatta Maharaj.  I quickly discovered that my pain and disability did not exist there either.  I found that if I could meditate that deeply — I would leave my pain behind.  I did not understand it but I experienced it.

Pearl of Great Price

  It never occurred to me that, as Jesus said, the kingdom of God was within me.  I certainly did not believe that the peace and love of the kingdom was available to me.  I found it easy to be distracted by the objects, chaos and ideas of this world.  I did not even look for a spiritual solution until I had exhausted all other options.  Then I did and now my commitment is total.  I now listen to the news or simply observe the chaos and destruction around me and then turn, through meditation, to the sense of peace, love and eternity that comes with God’s kingdom, a “pearl of great price”.  I find it wonderful that the pearl is there freely for anyone willing to do what it takes.