Saturday, October 22, 2016
I lead a life which, to many people in the world, would appear privileged. Indeed being concerned about which house to buy or which neighborhood to live in would not even be in their radar for many people. Many of my other struggles like life and death or chronic pain are a concern for many. Therefore, conclusions or observations may not apply universally. In my life it is very clear that I have been carefully molded and taught about the power and importance of spirituality, love and connection. My belief is that these are things we ate all learning, each in a different way
Friday, October 21, 2016
Our new home is in Columbia, MD, which Maria, my wife, refers to as a "Zootopia for humans", meaning an ideal environment. It is indeed apparent that our neighbors realize in their actions that we are all connected, and that things like skin color don’t make much difference. One of our neighbors mentioned that all of the neighbors "look out for each other". There is also an obvious respect for the environment. Our house is also very nice and we just had the carpeting in three rooms replaced by wood floors, much better for my allergies. Most importantly the house and neighborhood look like a good place for me to experience solitude, nature, prayer, meditation, quiet and connection.
Thursday, October 20, 2016
Part of my disability is that I am overly reactive. This gets expressed in extreme reflexes and also extreme emotional reactions to life’s situations, both fueled by an exaggerated physiological (stress) response. I also have a long standing anxiety disorder, complicating the situation. The increased energy I mentioned two days ago add to the difficulty and, as I said at that time " The feeling/energy is intense and hard to cope with". I have not learned to deal with it yet and today I overreacted to a simple phone call and having Maria take the call. I need to keep in mind that "Nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all". Love and my relationship matter ........ the call does not.
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Yesterday I spoke of the God/love energy that is within me and today I, once again, got in touch with that very human fear of becoming all I can be. The God/love part of me is "absolute" and only has the very positive feelings of unconditional love. On the other hand, I became aware that my human fears of my own capabilities and the world’s reaction to them are based on the ever changing, fragile dualities common to the human condition. By dualities I mean situations like the mixed or conflicted feelings of being my best and making people angry, jealous or envious. Today I could feel the difference of switching back and forth from the absolute of God/love to the dualities of being human. I am trying to allow both and balance them.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Today I was very aware of the increased God/love energy that is within me and results from prayer and performing actions that "feed" my love or God seed. The feeling/energy is intense and hard to cope with. I also keep thinking of the phrase "you’ll get used to it", that I was told many years ago. I’m definitely not used to it yet, though some of my activities help me deal with it. The activities that work best are actions like the dawn ceremony and blessings I do. In general it helps to do actions that "increase the integrity of the universe", like I mention in my book.
Monday, October 17, 2016
The last few days have been a time of working out worldly things like a new phone, shopping and working on our new house before moving in. For all of the activities Maria and I both focus on being a positive force in the interactions involved, even when the interactions are not going the way we planned. For example, yesterday I went to a dealer to get some service for my phone and nothing worked out so I laughed, joked and found out what I needed to do. I did those things today and took care of my phone. I was pleased with how I handled that situation since I got the job done and everyone felt good in the process. I contributed to the integrity of the universe.
Maria and I attended a Friend’s (Quaker) meeting this morning and, as usual, I chose not to speak. Maria and several others did speak briefly, having felt a calling to do so. I remained silent and instead blessed everyone there and radiated a powerful feeling of love, peace, joy, forgiveness and gratitude. I wondered why I felt no calling to speak, but later realized that it was more important for the people to feel the feeling s of "The Light" which I radiated, rather than any specific words I could have said.