Saturday, September 21, 2013


I spent a few hours this afternoon making a large (six gallon) pot of very fine vegetable soup (splitting wood and carrying water).  We then had some of the soup for dinner, delicious.  While doing this it struck me how wonderful and, largely, meaningless the whole process was.  I felt free to sense both aspects strongly and my perception felt balanced and true.  In the past I would try to find some personal fulfillment or meaning in the activity, coupled with a feeling of hollowness and/or disappointment.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Spiritual Guidance

As I said during a recovery meeting today, I consider pain, either emotional or physical, to be a form of spiritual guidance, a position I have developed in response to years of my own pain and a desire to reduce that pain.  I generally consider pain to be an indicator that I might want to do things differently.  For example, if I allow my sense of peace and happiness to depend on any sort of worldly experience like my job, physical condition or the weather, then I am likely to experience periods of pain or discomfort.  As a result, I have learned to participate in worldly experiences while focusing on the love and peace of the eternal or absolute, being in the world but not of it.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Holistic Healing

Today, I went to the healer I use, a hands on medical intuitive.  I found our session exhausting and was glad I had set aside the rest of the day for R. & R.  Presumably due to his work and mine, I have noticed significant changes in my brain function.  I find myself wondering how far the positive changes will go, considering the force genetics and the damage I have done to my brain with drugs and alcohol.  My holistic approach already has resulted in healing far beyond what was predicted by the medical profession.  It is what it is.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013


It has been important for me to realize that the reality of the eternal, unborn part of the self is right there, always present, within each of us, and all we have to do to sense its presence is to clear away (negate) the parts that are transient and solely of this world. Simple, but not easy!  At first, I could only sense that presence briefly during meditation.   I now enjoy knowing the eternal part of the self most of the time, getting pulled back into the worldly drama occasionally.  I find a strong sense of peace, love and connectedness there.  The eternal part is the reality I live with.  The transient part seems to be all about drama, chaos and fear, but is also very compelling.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013


Tonight at the recovery meeting, various people mentioned the difficulties they were having in their lives and I commented, first acknowledging my own numerous difficulties, that the problems were all a beautiful and wonderful part of the human condition.  Things like disabilities, deaths, floods, murders, sobriety, births, beauty and, so called, miracles are all different sides of the same coins.  Within this world of dualities, one does not exist without the other.  While we are in human form, it is important to know, experience and feel each on our path toward learning about giving and receiving love.  It is then possible for that timeless, unborn part of each of us, to carry that being back to the absolute.

Monday, September 16, 2013

R & R

The most notable thing about today was how depleted I felt, so I napped, ate, exercised a bit and did not push myself to do anything.  During the last two days I asked for and got a lot of guidance and support, in order to be of maximum service.  I pushed myself.  As a result, today I felt depleted and had a day of rest.  It is best for me to be aware that in order to be a conduit of love/God, I need to take care of myself.

Sunday, September 15, 2013


Another long and complicated day.  I was reminded several times of how important the sweat lodge has been for me over the years, how much it has changed me and how much I have learned due to the lodge.  As I said today at one point, “I used to be a regular white boy”, meaning that my attitudes, ideas and experiences fell within the accepted norms of the dominant culture.  Now, I would be considered “crazy” and I am good with that, it is fine with me.  Most of the attitudes, ideas and experiences that fall outside of the norm (seeing and working with spirits, having visions, communicating with the weather, realizing that consciousness is not necessarily located in the brain, etc.) come from the lodge.  I often find out that many others have similar experiences, we just don’t talk about them much.