Thursday, November 29, 2012

Going With the Flow

A pleasant day with an overriding feeling of things coming to a close or changing.  I feel some discomfort because of things changing, together with a desire to be present and go with the flow.  The day began with a series of staff and clinical meetings at the treatment center where I get many of my referrals.  Following that, I had lunch with a friend and he drove me down to Oak Creek Village and a visit with the healer I have been going to.  As usual, it was a two hour session, and, on this occasion, I found it invigorating and energizing (sometimes I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck).  My friend and I had good conversation and a good connection on the way down and back.  Nothing particularly earthshaking.
I was with the treatment center a little more than two years ago, when it first began.  It keeps changing and growing and I try to be alert to the changes and to then change with it.  Recently another clinician came on board and he has some ideas about firming up the role of clinicians at the treatment center. He is questioning our procedures and recommending some changes.  There are also three clinicians now, instead of just me.  I need to step aside a bit, become part of a group and allow the flow of change.
The healer that I have been going to commented that he has now done just about all he can do, so that will come to a close soon.  I have been doing my own healing work and plan to continue.  The two of us, together, have made a lot of progress, but I am not done with my part.  The brain is slow to respond, but continues, just not as fast as I would like.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Processing Fear

I spent a good deal of the day processing fear.  Unfortunately, if I do not stay in touch with my feelings, my body does not perform well.  What generally happens is that I get aches and pains that do not go away like they normally would, if I don’t acknowledge my feelings.  Many healing practitioners would say that my “chi” gets blocked, preventing the flow of energy and healing.  In this case, today, it is my shoulder that continues to bother me and the associated feeling is fear.
I am not sure what I am afraid of other than it is possible future events and my fear is that I will not cope with it well.  This is a very good example of “false evidence appearing real” since there is nothing really there to fear, it is all projection at this point.  However, the feeling is very real and calls out to be acknowledged.  In addition to acknowledging the feeling, I needed to acknowledge that I would do the best I could, ask for guidance, do the next right thing and continue to put myself out for the welfare of others (act out of love, not fear).

Sunday, November 25, 2012

The Absolute

When I use the word “absolute” to refer to a reality other than the relativistic reality I was raised in, I am referring to a reality I was introduced to during a “near death experience” several years ago, a reality I usually just call the “God place”.  I have learned that the God place is the “other side”.  I understand that it is where a person goes when they die.  A place of expanded consciousness and pure love.  I use the word absolute partly because that is how I have heard it called by others and partly because it is just that, absolute, there is no relativity.  There is no love and fear, there is only love.  That sounds wonderful but the fact is, without at least the memory of fear, there is only “isness” within an energetically intense reality.
More recently, I would return to the God place during my meditation and then, typically, after meditation, return to this relativistic reality.  Then one time, I returned and carried the feeling of the God place with me, I could not return completely.  I then asked “how am I going to deal with this feeling of pure love” within my walking around reality.  I was told quite simply “you will get used to it”.  I have and I miss it when it is gone, which I was shown once, for a short time.  Additionally, that feeling changes the way I look at the world fairly dramatically.
Personally, at this point in my life, when I experience fear or terror, I am also always aware of the God place.  Conversely, much of the time I am experiencing the feeling of the God place, with a memory of fear.  It is my hope and belief that others can share in this knowing.