Saturday, May 16, 2015
The procedure which I follow every morning, outlined in my entry yesterday, is relatively extreme. I also eat carefully, exercise several times a week and am mindful/focused about everything I say and do. I do these things in order to carry the message of love/God and be of service to my fellow humans. These activities require a great deal of discipline, but it does not feel like discipline since it is part of my survival and leads to a fulfilling life. I now find that the things I do are supported by many recent evidence based studies. The studies demonstrate that the procedures I incorporate in my lifestyle are beneficial, but not why or how, though they can theorize. A life based on love works well.
Friday, May 15, 2015
I get up in the middle of the night, generally between midnight and 2 A.M., in order to pray, meditate, write and read until around 4:00 A.M., at which point I begin a period of deep meditation until 6:00 A.M., when I begin the activities of my day. That is the time of the day when I feel closest to God/love. The procedure I do sets the tone for the day. I ask for support, guidance and that I act out of love for that day. I did not strive for this procedure, in fact I have tried to sleep normally, without success. However, I also recognize that starting my day this way works for me, so I do not wish to change it.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Tonight we had our monthly men’s meeting which was, as usual, a wonderful, fairly intimate and loving experience. We are a group of ten guys in recovery who get together monthly and talk about what is really going on in our lives. We also just went on retreat together. Tonight and for the last several days I have been reflecting on the importance of fellowship in my life. The fact is that I depend on having a loving connection with a lot of people. I also enjoy my solitude, but seem to require both to be happy.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
I recently learned of research studies conducted within the “Preventive Medicine Research Institute” presided over by Dr. Dean Ornish, on “comprehensive lifestyle changes”, very similar to the holistic approach I have used for many years. Their study included the practice of mindful meditation, which I use, though not the specific and directed meditative visualization and practice of unconditional love, which I also use. They found very clear, positive, physical effects. On the one hand, I am validated, encouraged by and applaud the research. On the other hand, I find that I am disturbed by all of the negative comments and resistance I have received, but then why should this be different from other new understandings or techniques.
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
I find that, for my own sanity, I have to be very careful with personal boundaries, a challenging balancing act. On the one hand I love people very deeply and strive to make strong connections with them. On the other hand, in order to be an effective change agent, I need to not be emotionally enmeshed in their life and problems. I need to stay somewhat detached in order to see and act on the truth in a loving way. I have been accused of being cold and my licensing board warns me not to have dual relationships and not to get to close with those I work with.
Monday, May 11, 2015
Today, being Mother’s day, the theme at the Friend’s meeting I attended was "family". At the meeting I commented that in the previous couple of days I had the privilege of working with a troubled family. I also commented that my wife was visiting her family back east, an intensely emotional experience, and that most of my own family was dead. When I spoke, it occurred to me what a privilege it was to be part of all that hurt, drama, love and intensity. Later on in the day I was berated by someone that I had worked with previously and, once again, it occurred to me what a privilege that experience was. For today, being involved in life as much as I am feels like a privilege.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Today I had a very fine and healing connection with one of the families I work with. This was one of those times that I received quite precise instructions on what to say, do and ask. I did what I was told without understanding why, reminding me of a comment by Hazrat Inayat, that “The whole life of the mystic is mapped on this principle... a voice from within that tells him”go here,” “go there,” or “leave”... Therefore, while others are prepared to explain why they are doing something... the mystic cannot explain, because he himself does not know. The one who knows little, knows most; and those who seem to know more, know the least.” I am clearly not in charge.