Friday, January 24, 2020
Life presents us with opportunities for growth and what I look for in myself and those I talk to is being aware of the challenges and having the courage to say yes, continuing to move forward. A good example of that for me was when I was diagnosed with my disability. It was supposed to be a progressive, degenerative neurological disorder which would never improve and probably continue to worsen. Medically they could not help me and I, of course, had the option of just staying with that prognosis but I had also been introduced to taking a spiritual approach to my problems so I decided to try that — with trials and tribulations and spectacular results.
Wednesday, January 22, 2020
Two days ago, on the night of my last entry, I began having muscle spasms in my back which have continued till this afternoon. Normally I would get a spasm or two and be fine the next day — when the spasm is purely physical and there is no emotional component. In this case the spasms went on for two days, a sure sign that something beyond the physical was going on so I meditated about it by feeling the pain and whether the pain felt like fear, anxiety or anger (three common problems for me). It turns out that the changes I wrote about two days ago are also causing a lot of anxiety which added to the spasms. I know that was the problem since identifying it and feeling it reduced the spasms.
Monday, January 20, 2020
The self-healing I am doing is complex but I am persisting and it is going well — not smoothly or gracefully, but well. In terms of complexity I continue to run into issues of self, karma and God’s will. Right now I am working on the karma part. My balance and the cooperation (smooth & more coordinated) of my muscles is improving. With my improved balance my wife has notice that I am moving faster. I notice the change in speed and also I am beginning to make movements I couldn’t before. The fact that my activity and balance are changing means that I am taking risks and doing things differently and the change (like any change) is a challenge for me and I lose patience.