Saturday, April 15, 2017
I have been reading a Quaker essay on the value of silence and reflecting on silence versus the clamoring of my intellect during my own meditation. During meditation I experience fleeting seconds of silence, mixed with mind wandering, and I have grown comfortable with that. Those fleeting seconds are enough for me to experience love, healing, peace, power and presence. I have enjoyed one of the comments by Walsch; "In the stillness, you will find your true being. In the silence you will hear the breathing of your soul ---- and of God. I have told you many times, and I tell you here again: You will find Me in the stillness." Time to meditate!
Friday, April 14, 2017
Today, and frequently, I feel that my life is a glorious statement of what it is to be human. When I am tired or depressed, my life feels heavy. I have used the analogy many times, but I feel like the cabin boy on a ship that I own. The ship is a beautiful three masted sailing vessel out on the open ocean of life. Someone ( God, as I conceive him/her) else is steering so I have no idea where we are going or what we are up to. I am reminded of the apt comments by Thomas H. Green, S.J., "But for those blessed souls who are able to let go, to float free, a new and mysterious world is revealed. It is a world more mysterious, more exotic and, initially, more threatening than the new world Columbus and Magellan stumbled upon. Those who "stay home" will only know of it by hearsay, and will scarcely believe what they hear. The few whom grace and their own generosity launch on the uncharted sea — they alone will ever really know whether the explorers’ tales are true."
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
During the recovery meeting today I met a woman who is dealing with her M.S., particularly the associated speech difficulties. We made a good connection and I was able to make her more comfortable and less self-conscious with her difficulties, for which she thanked me. I beamed love at her and everyone else at the meeting. I also reassured her during the meeting that if they understood me, they would have no trouble understanding her. The feeling of love and connection was very strong and it was great to be part of that. Being human is a struggle by itself and when a disability is added the struggle is more intense.
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
I have been reading about the views of Nikos Kazantzakis. He viewed life, very passionately, as a "luminous interval" between birth and death, focusing on the "ascension" and struggles of a life well and thoroughly lived - which I agree with. He also viewed the periods before and after life as an "abyss". In my case and having had a "near death experience" during which I experienced the feeling of extreme godly love and was told "this is what death feel like", I disagree with his comments about an abyss. I like his approach to life - "Lord, who are you? You loom before me like a centaur, his hands stretched toward the sky, his feet transfixed in mud." [God] "I am he who eternally ascends"
Monday, April 10, 2017
Maria, my wife, set up and we performed the Columbia, MD version of a sweat lodge ceremony, a mystical experience. I say "Columbia, MD version" since our H.O.A. does not allow open fires so no fire, hot stones or the steam they generate - all electric. Still a mystical experience involving prayer and meditation. In the words of Dubay, S.M. "A mystical touch is a deep, intimate contact-union-experience of God in one of His attributes such as power, light, goodness, beauty, or joy." I particularly asked to be "relieved of the bondage of self" since, on the one hand, I feel unworthy of the honor of such a ceremony and, on the other hand, know that has nothing to do with it. He goes on to say "Speaking of touches ‘The delights they engender more than compensate for all the trials suffered in life, even though innumerable’".
Sunday, April 9, 2017
My day is full of contrasting ups and downs as I switch back and forth from focusing on the Absolute or God place and my physical/emotional condition. I begin each day shortly after midnight with three or four hours of focus on the God place, an exercise of spirit when my physical/emotional condition has no reality or impact. I then sleep until about seven and arise with an awareness of pain, stiffness and planning for the day. Typically this is the low point of my day which I get over with exercise, stretching and meditation, by the end of which I feel pretty good. During the rest of the day I feel mostly the love and peace of the Absolute with brief periods of pain or being aware of my disability.