Letting Go

We had a meeting of our writing/spirituality group at the Friend’s meeting house today.  At the meeting there was a great deal of talk about the sweat lodge we used to have on our property.  That lodge was a major part of our lives for about fifteen years and during that time the experiences around the lodge and associated spirits taught me a great deal about unconditional love and healing.  Taking down that lodge and moving on was difficult and necessary.  I suspect it will be time for another lodge soon.  I need not totally understand the process but moving on and letting go is an important part of growth.

Judging

The other day I attended a staff meeting at the place that gives me most of the referrals I work with.  During the meeting my conclusions and observations concerning one of my clients were questioned.  I did not say anything, other than indicating that they were valid questions.  However, inside I was on the attack, questioning the importance of the questions, thinking “how dare they” and judging them harshly.  I am not the person I would like to be, yet, but at least I remained quiet.

Change

My body seems to know that changes are approaching in my life.  My body feels like it is standing on shifting sands, a feeling that could be exciting but right now I just feel uneasy.  I suspect that my unconscious mind knows what is going on, while my conscious mind does not.  I have attempted to find out through meditation and I do get the sense that my book is at the center of the change, but other than that I just get a strong feeling that the “universe is unfolding as it should”, a very reassuring feeling.

Maintaining Resolve

In my recovery meeting tonight the question came up of how we maintain our resolve or intent.  I realized that my main tool for maintaining my resolve is that I don’t participate in behaviors that pull me away or compromise that resolve.  I lead a very spiritually focused life of peace, love, connectedness and compassion, which I really like.  I can’t say that I resolve or have resolved to lead that sort of life, I just realize what I need to do and then do it.  Meaning I stay detached from unnecessary personal drama, choose to not own a TV or listen to much radio and practice a lot of prayer and meditation.

Gratitude

This morning I was walking from my car to the Sunday morning Friend’s (Quaker) meeting and I paused to feel the light cool fall breeze, smell the Fern bush and feel the warm Flagstaff (7,000 ft. altitude) sun.  I felt a lot of gratitude for the moment.  It’s not that I do not have physical challenges, I do, but even they could be and have been a lot worse.  It has been a quiet day of gratitude, paying a few bills, exercise, cooking and interacting with others, primarily, Maria, my wife.

Self-care

  For some reason, which I am still not totally clear of, I felt off kilter or off balance for much of the day today.  Nothing particular happened to throw me off, though I have been stirred up over the requirements of book promotion lately.  For today my response was to have a lot of alone time in order to meditate and sort things out.  I noted some tendency to find a distraction like facebook so that I did not have to simply feel the discomfort.  Self-care requires that I be present for myself.