Saturday, November 1, 2014
For today, the emphasis was on families. It is a “family weekend” where I get most of my referrals and it was also Halloween. For the first time, Maria and I are living in an area with a lot of young families, so we got to interact with a lot of children this evening. Overall, the day was a beautiful experience. I was pretty well exhausted from connecting and working with young men & families during the day, so my participation with the young trick-or-treaters was minimal, but fun. The young people & families represent life and love in action, very vibrant.
Friday, October 31, 2014
The topic in the recovery meeting today was humility and, in addition, circumstances have made it quite clear to me recently that my physical condition could be a lot worse, that it is by the grace of God that I am doing as well as I am. As Kornfield puts it "To love fully and live well requires us to recognize finally that we do not possess or own anything---our homes, our cars, our loved ones, not even our own body.” For that reason, every morning, I have my period of prayer and meditation during which I ask for guidance and support. I guess that is either humility, reality or both.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
I find that I have to be very careful and disciplined to keep my focus on the Absolute of love, connection, inclusion and eternity, while also functioning in this transient, but very compelling world. Things like work, staff meetings, listening to NPR and many newspaper articles tend to pull me back into a fear based transient existence, that many people think of as reality. Those things also tend to draw me into becoming a human doing and to forget who I really am. The prayer and meditation that I do each morning keep my focus on the Absolute of love, connection, inclusion and eternity, a much more awake and aware point of view.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
It is paradoxical but attitudes like criticism or judgment do not promote long-term change and growth in me while love and support do. An atmosphere of love tells me that I am perfect and sufficient the way I am, but also promotes my growth and change. Within that atmosphere I actually want to change and become a better person, become all I can be. In the past, I have been criticized and judged to be very flawed, with the result that I felt negative about myself. The criticism did not cause me to grow or change, which was its purpose.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Today I was very conscious of the fact that fear, not love, rules the lives of most people, and used to rule mine. I really like the way M. Williamson commented that “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we have learned here. The spiritual journey is the relinquishment—or unlearning—of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts.” Through the socialization process while I was growing up I learned to fear many things like authority figures or not performing well enough. From within that fear, no matter what I did, it was not enough. From within love I am enough, a good feeling and one that promotes growth.
Monday, October 27, 2014
This was a day of listening. After some early morning life activities like exercising and paying bills, we went to a Friend’s meeting, where I sat, meditated and contemplated for a couple of hours. Then this afternoon we went out to some ruins in the Twin Arrows area, where I again sat, meditated and contemplated for another hour or so. While at the ruin, I sat next to a juniper which seemed to want me to stroke and bless it, so I did. Then, in typical Charlie fashion, I wondered if I was just imagining things and, in response, the tree wafted me with a strong scent of juniper. I also sensed that the spirits around the ruin appreciated and were with us. All in all, the day was a very pleasant experience.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
As I mentioned earlier today, there is a great deal of peace and harmony in my life today and conversely fairly little stress and drama. In part my peace is due to my belief in what I heard early in recovery, that "nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all". Not only do I find that to be true, but most of the people who I am close to and interact with daily, do as well, also adding to my sense of peace. That attitude gets the ego and what the ego pretends is important, out of the way and then allows for more loving interactions. A belief that most of life’s events don’t matter removes a lot of stress and fear. Relationships, love and connection do matter and the focus of life can be placed there.