Saturday, December 28, 2013
With my recent move into a simple house that is quite a bit smaller and in town, my life has changed dramatically. At present, my life is quite a bit simpler, with fewer distractions and more time, than it was a few months ago. The change allows me to spend more time in quiet contemplation/solitude and I am also in the process of increasing my social/relationship/ connection time. In addition, I have become more aware of the importance, for me, of distractions like the process of purchasing things or setting up my new home, things that have little or no meaning but are also entertaining. With moving my balance has shifted, which requires that I pay attention.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
It has been very important for my spiritual growth and freedom to continually detach from my own attitudes and ideas. Similarly the Christian mystics make much of the importance of detachment, and Buddhists frequently speak of the necessity of giving up our tendency to grasp on to things. It has been relatively easy for me to detach from material things, but my attitudes and ideas require continued inspection and release. Part of me would like to attempt to force reality to fit with my ideas and beliefs, rather than the other way around. A good indication that this sort of thing is happening is a feeling of increased pain, confusion or stress. Meditation and being willing to let things go help to sort out the problem.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Having explored a great deal of self/mind/brain/culture/reality through meditation and reading, I now feel free and live, largely though not all the time, within a state of love or bliss. It seems important for me to realize that, along with the meditation, pain, discomfort and threat of death have also led me to this point. I have had a great deal of emotional support along the way, primarily from my wife. I now know that love/bliss is my true, eternal nature and that my consciousness/awareness will continue after this body dies. I also know that everyone on earth is growing toward that state of being. Quite a Christmas present!
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
A very emotionally mixed day. On the one hand I am proud and pleased about myself, my condition (physical, emotional, spiritual) and my circumstances (twenty-nine years clean & sober, living in a small house in the center of Flagstaff), and on the other hand I doubt everything (intelligence, recovery, self-worth), pleasant and unpleasant. Using the Buddhist meditative techniques I have learned, I observe my thoughts and let them pass without grasping or pushing them away. I find it surprising that I can feel such strong self-doubt in spite of ample evidence to the contrary, but then, feelings are not rational.
Monday, December 23, 2013
I have been reflecting on the words of Hazrat Inayat when he commented that “The whole life of the mystic is mapped on this principle... a voice from within that tells him ’go here,’ ‘go there,’ or ‘leave’... Therefore, while others are prepared to explain why they are doing something... the mystic cannot explain, because he himself does not know. The one who knows little, knows most; and those who seem to know more, know the least.” That “voice from within” (intuition?) is how I access the Source (God/love/Truth) that tells me what to do and not do, especially in regards to my dealings with others. At this point in my life, I always do what that power tells me to do, but I often do not know why, though I do know that the action will increase the integrity of the universe. It feels like walking with God all day, a strange way to live, but it works and that is why I do it.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Today, I was reading The Tibetan Book Of Living And Dying, by Sogyal Rinpoche, one of the most thorough discussions of spiritual experiences and knowledge that I have encountered, and enjoyable reading as well. As often happens, I am struck by the fact that spiritual leaders, over the centuries and from a variety of disciplines all say the same things about love, detachment, connection, God, living, dying, afterlife, etc., this book being a good example. They frequently use different words but the commonalities are quite pronounced. Most of my contributions within this realm tend to be very quiet and limited to actions on a one-to-one or small group basis, and I am good with that. In addition, and I am not sure why, I wish to add my voice to the long list of authors about spiritual matters. Understanding is not required.