Friday, August 2, 2019
Today the topic which came up in my recovery meeting was "parental anger during our formative years" so I have been reflecting on how much my father’s violence and anger dominated the behavior of me and the rest of my family during those years. I used to be very hurt and angry with spells of rage. My rage terrified me because of its out of control destructive potential. Since then I have broken free of that part of my story. I went through periods of anger, understanding, forgiveness and finally love regarding my father. On my last visit with him before he died, he did not recognize me (Alzheimer’s) and I felt only love.
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
I am amazed by the quiet power and perseverance of love in my life. I have to stay quiet and listen since the love does not make as much "noise" as an adrenaline rush or some of the other distractions like buying expensive things or watching the the news. Love is quiet and ever-present. Love heals me physically and is a major part of any connection with myself, God or anyone or anything else. The feeling of love is always there — if I pay attention. "Jesus said, ‘I am the light which is before all things. It is I who am all things. From me all things came forth, and to me all things extend. Split a piece of wood, and I am there; lift up the stone, and you will find me.’" from the gospel of Thomas
Sunday, July 28, 2019
Strange day, on the one hand I was aware of being tired and sleep deprived, on the other hand I felt alert and at peace with my life today. Yesterday I spent a good part of the day in a spiritual zone of connecting, love and power so I felt exhilarated when it came time to sleep. When I did try to sleep I was relaxed and peaceful but not tired, so I slept very little. During today I again felt relaxed and peaceful. "To cast their distinction into contemporary terminology, we might say that in the transforming union the person perceives in his profound center a peaceful, gentle awareness that the Trinity is continually present." (Thomas Dubay, S. M.)