Friday, December 13, 2019

Silence

I enjoy silence in the world around me.  External silence makes it easier to look inside to find out what I am thinking and/or feeling and it allows me to hear what God has to tell me.  Maria and I spend Thursday night at her mother’s and the people in that home enjoy constant technological noise from computers, TV and I-phones.  Last night I actually got to the point of craving silence so I went into a secluded room, turned out the light, closed the door and meditated while sitting on the floor, it was wonderful.  “When a peaceful silence lay over all, and the night had run half of her swift course, down from the heavens, from the royal throne, leapt your all powerful word.” (the book of Wisdom 18:14, 15)

Thursday, December 12, 2019

Fear

Yesterday and the day before I was struggling with the fear of returning to my destructive, ego driven behavior of the past.  The fear has no basis in my current life but then it’s useful for me to recall that feelings are not rational and frequently have no validity.  It was useful for me to recall that I used to call it “galloping fear” since it switches quickly from one thing to another.  As I often advise others, I felt the fear as strongly as I could, gave it no validity and let it pass (like a fart).  I feel much better today and am able to deal with more computer problems.

Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Change

I am accustomed to and prefer to have a feeling of sameness and predictability for most of my life, which then allows me to deal with the parts of life that shift and change.  Right now I keep working on the self-healing I mentioned last month which involves working with karma, layers of self and God’s will for me.  As I work on them, through meditation, everything keeps shifting and that makes me uncomfortable and also increases my need for slowing down and self-care.  The day begins!

Saturday, December 7, 2019

Gratitude

I am approaching the anniversary of my becoming illegal drug and alcohol free and, as I always do this time of year, I am reflecting on my journey these past thirty-five years.  On one hand I have a wonderful life with a very strong connection to the force I call God.  I readily acknowledge that I have gotten many gifts and I am extremely grateful for the person I am today.  I know that I needed to go through all of the challenges I have had to face in order to become me.  On the other han I would not wish that history on anyone.  I had better stick with the gratitude!

Thursday, December 5, 2019

Self-care

I noticed the last few days that I was getting angry at little, silly things like when I splattered very sticky cranberry sauce over a large area on the kitchen floor — twice, so I knew I needed more self-care and rest.  Today I did exercise and I went to a recovery meeting but I took the rest of the day off.  I rested, meditated and watched two silly but entertaining movies.  It surprises me how easy I find it to ignore or override my own needs.  I really need to pay attention and take the time needed if I am to be at my best,.

Sunday, December 1, 2019

Listening and Acting

I have been keeping a journal for many years because of my realizing how much it helped me stay on track as the person I wanted to be.  In recent years I have put it on line and realized that others might benefit as well.  My procedure was that when I got up to pray and meditate in the middle of the night I would sort back through my day and sometimes one of my files of quotes until something stood out to write about.  The article would then write itself and I would not know for a few days if the main recipient was myself or someone else.  Then one night I got no inspiration — so I wrote nothing.  It then became frequent that I got no inspiration so I would skip a day or so.  More recently my computer crashed causing an extended hiatus and the need for a new computer.  The most recent development is that I have been told to stay off the computer at night and simply pray and meditate.  I now write these entries in the afternoon when a topic presents itself.  I realize now that this has been an exercise in listening and acting accordingly.

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

Gratitude

Today my recovery meeting was about being grateful, not surprising since it is the day before Thanksgiving.  I was reminded of the many gifts in my life and I am extremely grateful.  Many of the gifts in my life came in the form of challenges or difficulties and their resolution led to the gifts.  My disability is a good example since it has taught me many things, like patience, tolerance and the need for self-care.  I deal with my disability with love and my connection to God.  Using love, visualization and healing prayer has yielded results that doctors say are impossible.

Monday, November 25, 2019

Holistic Health

Today I am struggling with an internal conflict because part of me wants to change and the other part considers any change to be difficult and potentially hazardous — a crossroad that I am quite familiar with.  I have been working on self-healing around my disability, which I have found to be a complex issue.  As I write about in my website and earlier in this blog, I have had good success with self-healing with several problems in the past.  The situation with my disability is more complex.  I have encountered karma, God’s will, and multiple layers of self, all of which must be dealt with prior to any degree of healing.  Right now it is self!

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Choice

The other night I had a dream which made it clear that if I wanted to move forward and develop more spiritual muscle I needed to give up more of my earthly (and enjoyable!!) distractions and attachments.  I have already surrendered quite a bit with good results.  The main distraction in this case is that I spend much of each Wednesday watching movies that I take out of the library.  I enjoy them and found myself making up all sorts of excuses and reasons to continue!  I think I will spend tomorrow (Wednesday) doing some quiet meditative activity.  "Great deeds can only be achieved when we are more than our little selves.  When we are lent wings we should not reject them." (deCastillejo)

Saturday, November 16, 2019

Aggressive Nature

The other day right after one of my meetings the person I was talking to commented that it was discouraging to realize that humans are basically aggressive to which I responded “they’re not!!”.  As I explained to him, I have observed many times that the thoughts and actions of a person depend on which “seed” or tendency you feed or encourage.  If I am helping someone and I support what I call the “love seed” their behavior can switch from aggressive to loving.  “From everywhere, it seems, we are bombarded with the idea that our nature is innately violent, that our chief preoccupation is with our sexuality, and that our main purpose in life is the acquirement of ever more nifty possessions.......Indeed, it is only through the practice of inner silence that we can begin to disentangle ourselves from our culture and its illusions. (Daniel A. Seeger)

Friday, November 15, 2019

Nightly Meditation

During my nightly meditation, in addition to feeling the “Love, tolerance and compassion” I wrote of two days ago, I broadcast that feeling to the space around me.  When I broadcast that feeling I sense its power more strongly and immerse myself in the sensation, a healing experience.  When I broadcast the feeling I also direct it at myself.  I ask God to join with me and guide me in the whole process.

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Meditation

When I meditate each night I very quickly arrive at the “I am” or “Super Conscious” part of myself which is closest to the presence I know as God.  When I am there I can feel God and  communicate with Him/Her/It, a gift I treasure and would not like to live without.  I frequently reflect on the craziness and chaos of myself and other humans around me and the facts that we are killing each other and destroying this planet.  The feeling which comes from God is a mixture of Love, tolerance and compassion similar to but stronger than a parent might feel toward a growing adolescent child.  I then realize that within a loving eternal view — we are doing fine and the earth will survive

Monday, November 4, 2019

My Anger

In one of my recovery meetings I experience flashes of anger at an individual who, like me, has evident brain damage and also, like me, speaks very slowly and has speech problems. It is quite obvious to me that he represents me so I meditated in order to discover the source of anger. I encountered a well of sadness within myself because I spend a great deal of time, thought and energy each day in order to remain functional and alive. The flashes of anger stem from the fact that he does not and does not have to. Having realized that I now feel a great deal of compassion for him since no one would wish to be that way and being that way is difficult.

Friday, November 1, 2019

Anger

Generally if I am angry even a little bit or for good reason and I try to intervene in some way, I am likely to do or say something "stupid or ugly". I’m better off being quiet and letting my anger pass until I feel understanding and loving. In my recovery meeting today several people said that their anger was a useful motivator causing them to speak up or take action, when needed, an approach which makes sense for some people. Not for me. If I am angry I am better off using meditation or contemplation to discover what nerve inside me is being inflamed and letting it pass.

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

Holistic Healing

Today I am fed up with being disabled, meaning I am angry and somewhat depressed about it. Normally I simply consider my disability to be an unwelcome partner in my life. I accept it but do not like it and on those days it is just kind of a nuisance. I can maintain that more positive attitude when I focus on gratitude for the many gifts in my life and the lessons that my disability has taught or helped me with, like patience. It is also important for me to admit and feel openly those days that I am fed up, otherwise I hold those feelings inside and they build.

Sunday, October 27, 2019

Suffering

The topic for today’s book study was the role of suffering for spiritual awakening, a pithy, controversial and complex subject. I have certainly had periods of extreme pain and suffering which always resulted in greater or more complete surrender to the power I now call God. In my case, I was stubborn so the pain and nowhere else to turn was necessary. I do not believe that pain and suffering is always necessary and I watch others who seem to be offered the option of surrender without suffering. The choice is theirs to make

Friday, October 25, 2019

Power of Love

Today I have been contemplating the power of love evident in my life due, in part, to today’s recovery meeting which was about our experiences with the power of anger. When I began recovery I was hurt and angry, I am now happy and loving. What turned me around was the loving support from people around me. Before then I had been exposed to the anger and instructions of people trying to change my anger. Their approach did not work. Love did. My father went through a similar transition before he died, once again due to love. I attempt to facilitate change in the people I work through my connection, love and support which nourishes the seed and promotes the change needed.

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Two Selves

Within my "higher" self I can walk through this life and knowing and feeling the love, peace and presence of the eternal reality that I have learned of through my spiritual exploration. I can and do see everything through this lense --- when looking as my higher self. I also exist as my regular, earthly, human, frail and a bit silly self. I have learned to treasure each. As my regular self I cry, grieve, get angry, perform ceremonies and ask God "What the f----". Each self is very real and vital, one is transient the other is eternal. It is important for me to honor and acknowledge each.

Sunday, October 20, 2019

Self-care

This morning and early afternoon I found myself getting angry over little trivial things that normally would not bother me, a sign that I needed more rest, self-care and sorting time. I spent the rest of the afternoon doing all three and now feel much better. This morning I was particularly angry and impatient over the fact that people had a difficult time understanding me, a situation that normally does not bother me since that is normally the case. After napping, exercising and meditating I just sat doing nothing for a while, very restorative. I’m back to feeling patient and understanding, which I prefer.

Friday, October 18, 2019

Anger

My wife, Maria, got angry with me today and I listened to her anger without shrinking or getting defensive, sincerely apologized for my inappropriate action, and let the incident go without ruminating. This response was remarkable given my history of not dealing well with anger. During my developmental years in an angry home I shrank to a "little mouse" in response to anger. During later years I learned to appear strong in the face of anger while still shrinking inside. I would also blow up in a rage, losing control and doing stupid things, periodically. I was hurt and angry. I then began to confront my anger, which terrified me. After the incident I would ruminate for a day or so. Today I did well and let it go cleanly.

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Gratitude

Today I feel gratitude, peace and acceptance about my life, my issues and problems or challenges. The difference between today and a few days ago when I was feeling bothered is the amount of rest, self-care and prayer I have been doing. Exercise helps too. The self-care usually consisted of sitting and sorting, contemplating and meditating, the sorts of things I used to avoid since those things involve looking inside. The issues have not changed, I have.

Sunday, October 13, 2019

Holistic Healing

I did not realize it then, but the "massive shifts" I spoke of bothering me two days ago are largely internal and still bothersome. I have not yet come to peace with them completely and I am still encountering some fear. The turmoil in me is due to what I am uncovering in my attempts at the self-healing of my disability and jaw/speech/eating problems. Through my connecting or joining with the problems I have encountered layers of karma, God’s will and personal agendas, all of which need to be addressed if healing is to take place. After dealing with those issues there is, of course, the matter of the physical condition. In the past the self-healing I have done was straight forward since it dealt only with the physical problem.

Friday, October 11, 2019

Change

In the past I have referred to the way I felt as "being lost in a trackless desert" but today (in Maria’s words) felt like "being lost on a trackless anthill", because of the feeling that massive changes or shifts in perspective are taking place. Many people around me have commented on the "shift in attitude towards love" and compassion which I spoke of a few days ago. It is exciting to watch and I cannot help but wonder where it will lead. I will continue to play my part, as best I can, and let the rest go.

Wednesday, October 9, 2019

Dreamer

You can call me crazy or a dreamer or anything you like but I spend my life promoting change in the direction of love, compassion, understanding and support for one another. I do this all day but in a concentrated period when I get up in the middle of the night. When I get up I pray, meditate, communicate with God and work with spirits while broadcasting love the whole time. I ask for guidance from God and I encourage the spirits to influence similar change in others. I have been told by several people that the changes I promote are happening and I hope I am adding to it. "We can cultivate an environment among us which will foster one another’s spiritual growth by directing and redirecting intention and attention to God; by discouraging what draws us away; by loving support for each other in the vicissitudes of our utterly human lives; by respecting and cherishing the uniqueness of each life. (Patricia Loring)

Monday, October 7, 2019

Ministry

I have the gift or being able to radiate God’s Love to the people and things around me and the effect of that on people has been quite apparent these last few days. People have been enjoying being close to me and feeling obvious joy. It’s nice for me to have that impact. I also encourage the spirits around me to influence people similarly, which they do, and enjoy. The net result is a shift in attitude towards love, my ministry.

Saturday, October 5, 2019

Holistic Healing

I have achieved partial healing with my disability and for the last several days I have been trying to accomplish more. I have found that healing simple pathological conditions (cuts, burns, lesions) using the power of love through healing touch to be relatively straightforward and successful. In the case of my disability "it’s not that simple". As is my practice, I have been joining with my disability through meditation and through my exploration I have encountered a number of attitudinal and karmic factors which I have been sorting through. My object is to achieve the highest level of healing possible within God’s or the Universe’s plan for the greatest service to my fellows and eternity.

Wednesday, October 2, 2019

Boundaries

The theme for today’s recovery meeting was service especially to the newcomer and the integrity of the program in general. There were many strong and sometimes opposing views expressed about maintaining firm boundaries and continuing with the rules and guidelines of that specific program, as if the people within that program were different from all others. I certainly agree that, for the sake of the group, we should maintain our rules and guidelines. I also kept thinking that we are all basically the same, all one, and we all just want love, peace and understanding no matter what group we are part of.

Tuesday, October 1, 2019

Self-Worth

At my recovery meeting today several people spoke of being emotionally abusive and demanding toward themselves. I commented that was one of the hardest attitudes for me to give up during my many years of recovery but that I no longer did that. One of the factors that helped me a lot was the soft, gentle laughter I heard when I spoke of my tendency at meetings. At times I do still have difficulty with low self-worth and holding myself back or expecting to be put down. I was feeling that today, but, thankfully, not right now.

Sunday, September 29, 2019

Paradox

Today I encountered the phrase "nothing matters; everything matters" and immediately knew that both were true. My understanding behind that "knowingness" is that nothing earthly matters within eternity since everything earthly is so temporal and replaceable. On the other hand everything matters since all thoughts and actions have at least a small impact on eternity. For me, the knowingness came first and was followed by logical understanding. I still feel more comfortable if I can put something in terms that I can logically understand.  I enjoy paradox.

Friday, September 27, 2019

Growth

As I said in my last entry, two days ago, "I am always on new spiritual and emotional ground, always striving" to be the best person I can be, which sounds simple — but is not. When I look back in my history I find many discouraging interactions with people of all ages and levels of authority over me. Many people attempted to hold me back, sometimes "for my own good" or my safety when I was feeling overly enthusiastic. I now expect that and tend to hold myself back at times. I strive to be free of past disappointment and just move forward. "People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, It never was between you and them anyway. (Mother Theresa)

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Comfort

"Comfort is not part of Charlie" were the words I spoke a few years ago about my way of life. The fact is that I am always on new spiritual and emotional ground, always striving, so that I am never comfortably at rests. When younger, I did strive to achieve comfort through various material and worldly means only to be disappointed at how short lived and illusory the comfort was. I do feel a strong sense of joy and peace that I did not before, just not comfort.

Monday, September 23, 2019

Surrender

In our reading group yesterday the main topic was the spiritual significance of suffering and I commented that I gave every appearance of suffering, but was not because of the joy, peace love and eternity I lived within. I made the point that I had had a great deal of pain, which had resulted in ever deeper levels of surrender to the Love and eternity of God. I did not enjoy the pain when I was going through it, but I love the results. "To get we must also give, to advance we must also surrender, to gain we must lose, to attain we must resign. From the nature of things life means choice and selection, and every positive choice negates all other possibilities." p 46, Rufus Jones

Friday, September 20, 2019

Belief

I look around me and notice that many people, including our political leaders, are acting of an ultimately destructive seed by doing things like lying, denying the facts, pursuing self-centered objectives and short-term gains. I followed that path and fed that seed for many years until I became totally convinced the approach would ultimately kill me. Only after exhausting that alternative and through the love and support of many others, was I able to begin following a more constructive path. It is my hope that humanity follows a similar path. ".... We shall never succeed in stopping war until we have a human society permeated with persons who practice a way of life which removes and abolishes the grounds and occasions of war, and at the same time matures and ripens a spirit of mutual understanding and personal cooperation." (Rufus Jones)

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Perspective

Today I felt tired, having not slept well, but also very solid, complete and connected to All-that-is, a good feeling. Once again I look around me and see that as a species many of us are killing each killing each other and destroying this planet we depend on. There are also those among us that are definitely contributing to the "integrity of the universe". All is well. "I take the spiritual life to be a life of which aims to discover human wholeness, the integration of all aspects of our humanity - body, soul, mind, emotions - and the connection of the self to all of creation." (Paul A. Lacey)

Sunday, September 15, 2019

Spiritual Journey

Some time ago someone was asking how I was doing. I responded to their question with an involved reply and they then asked "are you at least comfortable" and I responded that "comfort is not part of being Charlie". The fact is that I am on a spiritual journey and constantly questing and evolving, which is not comfortable. I do not seek comfort though I certainly think about it. I think about just watching old "Andy Griffith" reruns and eating bacon-cheeseburgers but then I end up meditating instead. I am delighted with the choice I make and am aware of the alternative. "We want to be spiritually alive, but also to be comfortable; to be prayerful, but not to rise early in the morning to pray; to possess power to lead, but not to undergo the discipline that it takes to control the power." (Gilbert Kilpack)

Friday, September 13, 2019

Holistic Healing

Many years ago when I was unable to walk unaided, using crutches and talking with the leader of a workshop I was attending on mind-body healing, he told me to visualize walking for one week and then do it. My thought at the time was "it’s not that simple". It is now about thirty years later during which I have succeeded in doing something similar to what he suggested with many health problems and partially with my disability. I have learned that there are things one needs to do in order to heal. It seems to me that the body is very good at healing itself — if you can connect with it and convince it to do so, usually through meditation. There is/are generally one or more issues/reasons for the problem; sometimes simple pathology, sometimes attitudinal, sometimes both. The issues and reasons have to be addressed and overcome if one is to achieve healing. I am still working on that as far as my walking. Maybe I will succeed, maybe not but the journey is certainly entertaining!

Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Listening

Before 2006 I could "speak like the man in the six o’clock news", crisply, quickly and with authority. I was highly educated and experienced so people listened carefully to what I had to say. I also must admit that I judged and tended to dismiss people who did not speak quickly enough for me. Since that time, because of my disability, I talk very slowly, with poor enunciation and with great difficulty. I also notice that I am now one of the people that many people dismiss (irony and payback time)! This turn around gives me a much greater appreciation and understanding of people who do not present themselves the way I used to. I listen to all people with love and respect and realize they are all of value.

Monday, September 9, 2019

Meditation

Today was a Monday so I did the weekly grocery shopping in the morning and exercised in the afternoon. During the afternoon I would work out for a while and then meditate for around half an hour, very enjoyable and a good pace for me. I tire easily so this pattern works for me. When I meditate I reach the "I am" portion of my higher self within a few minutes. Reaching that place used to take fifteen minutes of focus on the feeling of power, Love and the eternal nature of all things. When I reach that place I am also near the Absolute or God. "Man is separated from God, but secretly united to God; that is the prime fact of life, and all things in all creation speak of this separation, this incompleteness which has infected all." (Gilbert Kilpack)

Saturday, September 7, 2019

Seeking

I seek and feel God in all my activities during the day, seeking not due to guilt or some feeling of obligation but because of the Love, peace and harmony I find there. Today, while blessing the plants in our garden, a female ruby throated hummingbird came to feed on our pink flowers. We also got several butterflies of various species coming to our butterfly bushes. I could feel the Love, peace and harmony of the plants and animals. "Seek Him we must, with a headlong love, with enthusiasm and romantic ardor, but also with lowliness and patience, and that is a hard combination." (Gilbert Kilpack)

Friday, September 6, 2019

Cognitive Dissonance

I am experiencing serious cognitive dissonance and I feel like a total fraud — though I also know that I am not. I go through my life wrapped in a bubble of Love and in partnership with God. Because of that union I end up being the person I cannot possibly be and doing things I cannot possibly do. During the first thirty-six years of my life I operated primarily out of my dark side and experienced negative comments from many. I am no longer that person though I am quite aware that the potential to be that person is still within me, but I choose not to act on it. I will continue moving along and being Charlie! "I am less than the song I am singing. I am more than I thought I could be. (Joan Baez)

Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Meditation

Yesterday I wrote that I wanted "to see, understand and appreciate that everything and everybody contribute to God, Love and eternity in their own [special] way. I don’t know how that works but then I don’t need to. When I meditate and arrive at that peaceful, Loving God place I can sense strongly that it is true. Everything and everybody are in divine order, a good feeling and one I wish to harmonize with. "When one is anchored deeply in the divine solution to all problems, outer turmoil cannot disturb the inner tranquility. It is a peace that surpasses all understanding." (Thomas Dubay, S. M.).

Tuesday, September 3, 2019

Surrender

In order for me to continue spiritually growing in recovery I currently feel the need to further surrender myself to the higher good of God, Love and eternity. I want to see, understand and appreciate that everything and everybody contribute to God, Love and eternity in their own way. I want to be conscious of and maximize my own contribution. In the beginning of my recovery process I gave up being a self-centered jerk and along my path I gave up lying, gossip, judging and criticizing others in favor of seeing "there, but for the grace of God, go I". I wish to now always act to promote and support God, Love and eternity.

Sunday, September 1, 2019

Gratitude

Today I found myself talking about the necessity and power of gratitude in my life, how important it was to me and the fact that it is a choice. I do view it as a choice and it is important for me to make that choice if I am to continue with my life and help others do the same. As I pointed out today; I am 71, living in a part of the country where the climate does not suite me, usually in some pain and disabled since I was forty, so I have several things to feel negative about. Instead I chose to see my life as a gift and focus on the many good things.

Friday, August 30, 2019

Meditation

It is only through quiet, peaceful and persistent meditation that I seem to be able to discern what is really going on inside me and in that process I am amazed at how good I am at hiding from myself. It’s as though my ego wants to protect me from myself! For example, when I have back pain I might meditate to find out if there is some emotional component to the pain, which there usually is. My first meditative response is "no" which generally relents to "yes" and then an honest exploration of some fear or anger. Recently I have been meditating to explore what my disability means to me, not that my thoughts could be the cause of my problems but the exploration could lead to a better understanding and eventual healing. So far I have come to realize how much my disability has contributed to me becoming the strong, spiritual, loving man I am today.

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Discernment

Today, before the recovery meeting there was a young man speaking first about his drinking then his gambling and I could readily discern that in his words he was trying to convince me and himself that he was speaking the truth, while part of him knew he was not. I was seeing my past self so I loved him and listened. Many years ago in the sweat lodge I prayed for discernment, thinking then of negative spirits and energies. I was granted the gift and have found it goes beyond what is called evil and is very useful in my listening and learning. "Discernment is a gift from God, not as a personal achievement. The gift is not the result of training, technique, or analysis. Like other gifts of God, its origin is mysterious and gratuitous." (Patricia Loring)

Sunday, August 25, 2019

Spirit

I attend a Quaker meeting for worship twice a week, a one hour period of meditating and listening in silence with minimal talking. I enjoy sitting in silence with minimal dogma. I have no religious training in my history but spiritual searching and listening to the light with minimal bias. The love and peace I have encountered is totally unconditional and a wonder for this human to behold. I am accustomed to definitions, boundaries and conditions — there are none, only love. "To undertake to live a discerned life, to endeavor daily to be attuned to authentic movements of the Spirit leading us into greater fullness of life, is a strenuous undertaking." (Patricia Loring)

Friday, August 23, 2019

Anger

The topic for my recovery meeting today was anger so I have been reflecting on my expression of anger, both past and present. During my formative years in my family of origin I was not taught healthy ways of dealing with anger so I tended to stuff it, intellectualize, blow up in periodic rages and become destructive — the best I could do! When I got into recovery, at 36, I noticed that a carpenter associate of mine would get very angry, express it vigorously and loudly and then forget it a few minutes later. I decided he was psychotic. Then I noticed that my dog did much same and the behavior seemed to work well as long as the expression of anger was not destructive. I adopted that behavior as my model. I then noticed that most of my anger was due to some underlying feeling like hurt or fear and that my anger was only the surface emotion so I worked on feeling and expressing the underlying feeling, avoiding the anger entirely. I have since discovered that most of my underlying feelings have been about things that actually matter very little.

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Holistic Healing

When I do the physic or spiritual healing I wrote about a week ago I first "join" with the problem telepathically by asking it what it is trying to tell me and learning what it feels like. This joining has to be done with love and respect which necessitates getting past/over any fear or anger response to the problem. I can then encourage the tissues to return to a state of harmony with the rest of the body. I find that the various tissues and parts of the body actually seek to be in harmony and work together. This whole process is strongest when done with God as a power driver.

Monday, August 19, 2019

Focus

My disability or condition has helped me develop my ability to focus on my present activity and listen to what will work for me. I need to stay focused and present on whatever I am doing at the time and I am constantly listening for guidance. If I am walking and break my focus by looking to the side or even thinking about something other than walking, I stumble and sometimes fall. When I am connecting and/or working with someone I usually stay focused on them, what they are saying and the present moment. When I do that I frequently receive guidance about what to say next. If I begin thinking about cooking dinner or my next activity I lose that connection, very noticeable.

Saturday, August 17, 2019

Gratitude

Today I feel very grateful for my life, the way it is and keep in mind that it could be a lot worse, which it has been several times. In meditation I have "heard" recently that I am one of the most privileged people on the planet — very true. I keep remembering someone asking me years ago when I was using crutches "How can you be grateful!? You can’t even walk." and my response was "You can’t fly and it doesn’t bother you". The point I was making was that if I accept my condition, whatever it is, then it is possible to be grateful, and, on the other hand if I fight my condition I will not be happy.

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Holistic Healing

I had my colonoscopy yesterday and did a lot of resting and self-care today. The doctor found my colon to be totally healthy and commented that I was extremely healthy and had a healthy lifestyle. I was relieved, but for my own self-concept, it is important for me to acknowledge that the previous clinical tests were right about something being wrong with my colon. In this and several previous cases (lung, thyroid, heart, prostate and brain) clinical studies indicated problems which I addressed with the meditative and imaging techniques I mention on my website and in my book. In each case the problems either disappeared or in the case of my brain the apparent problem was modified to an "impossible" degree necessitating re-diagnosis. It is important for me to realize that, regardless of what the medical community concludes, the problems were real and the healing I did resulted in their disappearance. Such is the power of love , God and the mind-body connection.

Monday, August 12, 2019

Fear

I am in the midst of preparation for a colonoscopy, meaning taking various laxatives in order to cleans my intestines of everything. The procedure is set for tomorrow morning. The doctors detected some blood in my feces so I have been practicing self healing using love energy and tomorrow I will find out how successful I was. Yesterday I spent a good part of the evening and night getting in touch with and feeling my fears about the procedure and what they might find out. This evening I just feel acceptance about whatever happens, knowing that I will deal with it

Friday, August 9, 2019

Holistic Health

To me, the fact that I am doing as well as I am with my disability, as opposed to the possibility I wrote about a few days ago, represents the power of acceptance and love. I have applied that power to several other physical conditions in my life with similar effects (causing confusion, surprise and disbelief in doctors!). I have also suggested that approach to other people who also had success. The process costs nothing other than focus and intent and even feels good.

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Acceptance

I meet with a woman who has a "progressive degenerative neurological" condition very similar to mine but hers is mid-brain and mine is hind-brain. She does not accept her condition but "hates" and fights it. I, on the other hand, accept my condition and can therefore work with it. I can’t say I like it but it’s an unwelcome partner that I deal with daily. In working with my disability I do everything I know of in order to be functional, including bathing it with love. In my case I was diagnosed about thirty-one years ago and am living in my own home with the help of my wife. She was diagnosed a few years ago and I visit her in a nursing home. Anecdotal but suggestive!

Sunday, August 4, 2019

Listening

Today I have been reflecting on the fact that most people "listen" to others through the filter of the story they have made up about that person rather than really paying attention and truly listening. For example, in my case, with a few notable exceptions, because of my behavior and the stories they had heard the adults around me believed that I was of below average intelligence, rather than taking the time to realize that I was really just indifferent to their opinions and bored out of my mind. The primary result has been that I recognize how important it is to truly listen and I have been blessed with the ability to look beyond my own mind chatter to hear the reality of what is happening. "Listening is a far more difficult process than most people imagine; really to listen in the way that is meant by the masters is to let go utterly of ourselves, to let go of all the information, all of the concepts, all the ideas and all the prejudices that our heads are stuffed with." (Sogyal Rinpoche)

Friday, August 2, 2019

Growth

Today the topic which came up in my recovery meeting was "parental anger during our formative years" so I have been reflecting on how much my father’s violence and anger dominated the behavior of me and the rest of my family during those years. I used to be very hurt and angry with spells of rage. My rage terrified me because of its out of control destructive potential. Since then I have broken free of that part of my story. I went through periods of anger, understanding, forgiveness and finally love regarding my father. On my last visit with him before he died, he did not recognize me (Alzheimer’s) and I felt only love.

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Power Of Love

I am amazed by the quiet power and perseverance of love in my life. I have to stay quiet and listen since the love does not make as much "noise" as an adrenaline rush or some of the other distractions like buying expensive things or watching the the news. Love is quiet and ever-present. Love heals me physically and is a major part of any connection with myself, God or anyone or anything else. The feeling of love is always there — if I pay attention. "Jesus said, ‘I am the light which is before all things. It is I who am all things. From me all things came forth, and to me all things extend. Split a piece of wood, and I am there; lift up the stone, and you will find me.’" from the gospel of Thomas

Sunday, July 28, 2019

Being At Peace

Strange day, on the one hand I was aware of being tired and sleep deprived, on the other hand I felt alert and at peace with my life today. Yesterday I spent a good part of the day in a spiritual zone of connecting, love and power so I felt exhilarated when it came time to sleep. When I did try to sleep I was relaxed and peaceful but not tired, so I slept very little. During today I again felt relaxed and peaceful. "To cast their distinction into contemporary terminology, we might say that in the transforming union the person perceives in his profound center a peaceful, gentle awareness that the Trinity is continually present." (Thomas Dubay, S. M.)

Friday, July 26, 2019

Unconditional Love

Today, during my recovery meeting I commented that God’s Love was unconditional, meaning that the Love was not diminished in any way by my not being worthy, not believing in God or being an antisocial jerk. I spoke of having a near-death-experience in 2006 during which I went briefly to the other side and was able to feel the powerful, unconditional Love of God in spite of the person I had been in my life.

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Gratitude

During my recovery meeting today I commented that "I was an aging American male who definitely did not have his health and yet was extremely grateful for life as it was for me today". I also commented that things could be a lot worse and used to be. In part I was reacting to the comment that several people made about being grateful that they had their health. Too me gratitude is an attitude or way of life which is an internal state that does not depend on external conditions. I can and do always find things to feel grateful for.

Monday, July 22, 2019

Nightly Practice

It is now closing in on 1:00 A.M. and I have just finished a period being with and asking for guidance from God and my spirit "friends" in meditation. During meditation I envision being in the middle of a large earthen room surrounded by Jesus and other spirits, asking them to beam healing and guidance into me, and, in my turn, beaming the same energy to my surroundings, quite an experience. When it is my turn I send the incredibly loving feeling of being with God to Arlington National cemetery or one of the other cemeteries I have visited. I also remove any negative energies I encounter. This whole process is directed towards others but is very cleansing and healing for me, as well. That is the way love is.

Saturday, July 20, 2019

Connecting

I wrote yesterday of going "through my daily activities within a bubble of love" which is the way it feels to me but is also the energy field that surrounds me. Many people enjoy being around me apparently because of that energy field, some even referring to being near me as "Charlie time". There are also some people who do not want to be close to me because I will lovingly "probe" them and know things about them they would rather I didn’t. I can only probe people with their permission and would never violate them in any way. To me, probing others and allowing myself to be probed is part of connecting or the feeling of being with them.

Friday, July 19, 2019

The Kingdom

Due, in part, to carrying out daily practices such as outlined in my book, I go through my daily activities within a "bubble of love" and feel the presence of the divine all around me. If I cut back on those activities or become distracted by worldly events, I also lose or reduce my connection. I think of what I describe as feeling the presence of "the Kingdom of God" and, for me, maintenance of that feeling does require daily practice — a discipline well worth the effort. "The kingdom of God is not coming with signs that can be observed, nor will they say; ‘Look here it is!’ or ‘There it is!’ for the kingdom of God is within you."(from the gospel of Luke)

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Recovery

My recovery meeting today consisted of three females of various ages and me. It was a very good meeting for me. They were all new to recovery so they had not learned the recovery "lingo" yet and they were all extremely honest about the power alcohol had over them. The talk was raw, heartfelt and honest. A common theme for the meeting was that self-will and intellect were not enough to overcome addiction and that recovery required some sort of spiritual intervention or awakening. I spoke of my experience that self-will and knowledge was not enough for me — but I sure tried!

Sunday, July 14, 2019

Silence

Today was a day of silent worship, a day of listening for clarity and guidance. The day began with a formal hour of silent worship in the Quaker tradition and continued with various quiet activities including shopping, lunch, resting, meditating and working in the garden. I heard people comment about the chaos, hurt and anger in the world and knew that in the eternal sense "all was as it should be — all was well". "It [inner silence] is to establish an inner peace, an inner harmony, which will allow us authentically to contribute to the establishment of an outer peace and an outer harmony in the world at large." (Daniel A. Seeger)

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Limits

The theme at today’s recovery meeting was not allowing other people determine our own limits and capabilities by their opinions and words about us. During the meeting I kept reflecting on the fact that I had stumbled and fallen about a week ago — which sounds like a failure. The fact is that I was doing something that "a person in my condition" has no business doing. I was walking over rough terrain without my cane or trekking poles and lost my focus because someone interrupted me. To me, that is not failure since I was pushing myself beyond my limits, something I do all the time, and sometimes get consequences.

Monday, July 8, 2019

Reality

The subtitle of my book is to "be in the world but not of it", meaning to participate in worldly things but not to rely on them for any sense of long lasting fulfillment. I enjoy going to work and do my job lovingly and well, as my purpose in this incarnation. I do the same for other aspects of "money power and prestige", trying to add to the integrity of the universe. For a strong sense of reality and sense of fulfillment I turn to my divine, eternal connection. I look on them as different and valuable aspects of reality and balance the two.

Saturday, July 6, 2019

Near-Death-Experience

When I had my Near-Death-Experience in 2006 I was told that "This is what it feels like to be dead", a powerful and all-encompassing feeling of unconditional love. It felt like being bathed in that feeling and that nothing else mattered. The pain and struggles of my physical existence vanished. It was a very cleansing feeling. I was given the option of "coming back" to be of service, an option I took because of that Love. Through that experience and my nightly contact I have learned to love everyone and everything.

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Over-thinking

Last night during meditation, while listening, I kept hearing that I thought about my issues way to much, that my thinking interfered with my progress and that I was better off just doing, not thinking. Lately I have been having some health concerns which are probably minor but I over-think them, creating anxiety for myself. There are other activities in my daily life that I simply "do" and have the faith that they will turn out. I do not over-think them. I take the action, feel gratitude that I have support and guidance and have confidence or faith in the outcome. Sounds simple, I should pay attention! "To understand better the value of silence in daily life, and its relation to this spiritual transformation for which we yearn, it is useful first to consider the limitation of language, of words. It is next useful to contemplate the limitations of logical reasoning."

Monday, July 1, 2019

Listening

I feel more spiritually lost than usual since the Universe has provided me with several major challenges lately and I don’t know what is being asked of me. My response to the feeling of being lost is to meditate, get internally silent and listen — which is simple but not easy for me. When I try to quiet my brain my ego inserts all sorts of memories, beliefs and doubts. One of the concepts I keep hearing is "you don’t have to believe — just do it! "Listening is a far more difficult process than most people imagine; really to listen in the way that is meant by the masters is to let go utterly of ourselves, to let go of all the information, all of the concepts, all the ideas and all the prejudices that our heads are stuffed with."(Sogyal Rinpoche)

Friday, June 28, 2019

Growth

Today, my birthday, I was acknowledged as being a gentle and loving man, which is true, though, as my wife and I pointed out, I still have periods of being a jerk. I used to be hurt, angry and very judgmental. I was self centered and considered myself to be superior to most people. I finally realized that I was hurting myself and began turning towards love and being loving as a way of life which felt better and was constructive, not destructive. "What deeper meaning did this paradox hold for him [Jung]? It was the revelation that not only might good be wrought from the darkness of the unformed abyss, the unconscious, but that part of the very energy of the evil urge in man, if one would but wrestle with it, as had Jacob with the angel, would yield its own peculiar blessing. So profoundly did he trust the darkness of the unconscious!"(John Yungblut)

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Forgiveness

The topic for today’s recovery meeting was "forgiving" and during the meeting, in the process of listening I reflected on the changes I had gone through in forgiving my father for the way he treated me as a child. My father carried a lot of anger which he expressed toward me in attitude and some physical abuse. I have come to realize that he was doing the best he could and that given similar circumstances I would have probably done the same. I realize that people who hurt others have been hurt themselves. I understand that I was a difficult child and that I provoked him, but also that there is no reason for an adult to hit a child. I finally got to the point that I simply loved and cherished him. The abuse became an unimportant memory. At that point forgiveness was not needed, just love and understanding.

Sunday, June 23, 2019

Perception

Typically I have considered my reality to consist of two levels; the divine, loving, eternal level and the secular, mundane, temporal. Then today, in our book study group, I found myself saying that for me there was no longer the secular level and that it was all divine, loving and eternal, though sometimes very short-lived. Over the last few years I have put a lot of effort into perceiving the divine and eternal in things and that effort has evidently changed my view. An example from today was that while weeding the plantain out of my yard I was also feeling respect, admiration and honor for its survival capability. That plant is a remarkable and valuable part of the reality of that ecosystem. "When the will, in becoming aware of the satisfaction afforded by the object of sight, hearing or touch does not stop with this joy but immediately elevates itself to God, rejoicing in Him who motivates and gives strength to its joy, it is doing something very good. (St. John)

Friday, June 21, 2019

Balance

I just re-read my post of two days ago and realize that I have been focused for two days on finding that honest and humble balance between self-deprecation and believing in myself which I wrote about. I now feel balanced and have re-committed, confidently to my spiritual path. It took talking openly about that conflict and balance with my wife and at recovery meetings. I also wrote about it, meditated asked for guidance. "To get we must also give, to advance we must also surrender, to gain we must lose, to attain we must resign. From the nature of things life means choice and selection, and every positive choice negates all other possibilities." (Rufus Jones)

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Self-concept

I am struggling with my attempt at staying "right-sized" or balanced in such a way that I not hold myself back from being "all I can be" while also accepting any human fears and weaknesses. I fully realize that with God’s help and guidance I am much more than I was and can now do things that others think impossible. On the other hand I have underlying and long-standing difficulties with self-deprecation and even self-hatred which I picked up in my developmental years. The trick or balance for me is to allow both opposites to exist without holding the development of myself back in any way.

Monday, June 17, 2019

One-ness

Today I was having a lot of difficulty with muscle spasms and the associated pain which is a common problem with my disability. As part of my reducing the pain as much as possible I exercised while focusing on the feeling of one-ness with all that is and harmony. During my periods of meditation in addition to one-ness and harmony I focused acceptance of my condition. The result is far less pain though I am not done and need to keep it up.

Saturday, June 15, 2019

Practice

One of my practices is that as I go through my activities on any given day I make it a point to see and feel God’s Love and grace in everything, producing a huge amount of gratitude at all times. For example today I had a meeting with one of the people I work with and last night I was given guidance concerning what we would talk about and how to prepare. Today during that meeting when those events took place, I smiled, did what I was told and felt gratitude. "When the will, in becoming aware of the satisfaction afforded by the object of sight, hearing or touch does not stop with this joy but immediately elevates itself to God, rejoicing in Him who motivates and gives strength to its joy, it is doing something very good. (St. John of the Cross)

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

The Kingdom

I have found and live within what Jesus called The Kingdom and, as Jesus said, The Kingdom is present here and now, it is ever-present if we do what is necessary to access it. I live within what I call a bubble of love and witness everything and everyone through that lense, hard to see from where I came from. Seeing and feeling the divine in a beautiful sunset does not surprise me but seeing and feeling love and wonder while viewing a cockroach scurrying across the kitchen counter does. This manner of living provides joy beyond compare even with my pain and disability.

Sunday, June 9, 2019

Holistic Healing

I have been thinking about the relationship between me and my doctors lately since I am considering going to another neurologist in the hope that he or she can understand my position and, at least, track my symptoms, perhaps even make suggestions. The problem is that I have taken a spiritual/meditative approach to my problems and, between God and myself, have learned to moderate my symptoms in order to remain functional. My approach is outside of their training and they consider what I do to be impossible, given my diagnosis — so they conclude that my diagnosis must be wrong and that I am fooling myself, very frustrating. Their conclusions are not helpful to me. My PCP has at least seen a sample of what I do when my thyroid healed. He remains neutral and concludes nothing. I am not certain what I will do but it is helpful for me to realize that I am putting them on the spot.

Friday, June 7, 2019

Service

Today at a recovery meeting I talked about my very human fears and the fact that I deal with them in large part by getting up in the middle of the night to pray, meditate and be with God. I spoke of that as a magical time and tried to describe the wonderful feeling of God’s Love and power flowing through me. Rufus Jones describes the feeling well when he writes "At it’s best and truest, however, worship seems to me to be direct, vital, joyous, personal experience and practice of the presence of God." I also spoke with someone after the meeting about the middle of the night being a sacred time and suggested she make use of her own waking up to do something similar. I felt the power of being an "instrument". "God must have an instrument — an organ is perhaps a better word — for the revelation of His love and tenderness, just as his physical energies must have their coordinator and transmitter."

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Self-care

Today was a day of self-care, harmony and a continuation of the gratitude I wrote of two days ago. I spent the first few hours of the day doing exercise and some hands-on healing with my wife. While exercising I kept an attitude of gratitude and harmony with all that is, in order to promote smooth coordinated muscle movement, a problem with my disability. As a result my muscle activity was fairly smooth, though not like it was prior to my disability. I also went to a recovery meeting and interacted a bit with one of my mentees. After that I spent a couple of hours just relaxing and watching a movie. I need to spend time taking care of me in order to be of maximum service.

Monday, June 3, 2019

Gratitude

This morning, when doing the weekly shopping, I spoke briefly with a woman who inquired how I was with more than the normal sincerity. I responded that I was OK and still breathing. She laughed and said "Me to!!..... and it’s a beautiful day" which caused me to realize how grateful I was for the present moment. I had no pain and was able to drive and then do the shopping. Later in the day I was getting in my wife’s way while she was doing some repairs on our home and she commented that she would rather have me in the way than in my bed suffering, which used to be the case. Once again I felt gratitude for the present.

Sunday, June 2, 2019

Connection

Today, beginning and ending with my Higher Power (God) I had several meaningful and wonderful connections. Each had strong feelings of respect, love and honor. The first connection was with God during silent worship this morning followed by several human and one canine joining during the day. The last was another divine connection during meditation tonight. I cannot say that I actually depend on any other than the divine connections, but I certainly enjoy them. I am attached to my connection with God and depend on it to keep my head on straight each day.

Friday, May 31, 2019

Infused Prayer

I have enjoyed the comments and observations of Thomas Dubay, S. M. when he wrote of infused prayer that it involved an "Immersion in God [which] entails a being filled with Him, a divine inflowing". He also stated that depth of connection with the divine was a gift, not the result of individual’s practice, a view also held by the modern Quaker Thomas Kelly. In my experience that level of connection requires almost constant devotion, but is well worth the effort. It feels fulfilling and has changed my life.

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Self-healing

At this point I have self healed many physical problems (malfunctioning heart valve, five cysts, one cancerous/pre-cancerous lesion, a lung problem, a prostate problem, an under-performing thyroid) and partially healed my disability. Having completely healed so many problems, I wonder why it is only partial with my disability. It could be that my disability is still useful in terms of being of service. It could also be that I am resisting healing. I can only stay open to all possibilities and continue to work on it.

Monday, May 27, 2019

Reality

My understanding is that current, day-to-day events are not illusory but temporal. The daily events each of us are involved in are very real but we do have more control of them than we generally think. For example, when I talk to the doctor about my various conditions I am told that what I do is impossible since it does not fall within the reality they learned in medical school. My challenge is to fully expand and develop my potential while staying within God’s Love and guidance. "Reality is only partly our invention; it is also partly our discovery. Our task is to discover how much and in what areas which is which; and then to determine how much new freedom this gives us and what we can do with it". (Lawrence LeShan)

Sunday, May 26, 2019

Eternity

I am not religious in any way, yet I feel great joy in conducting my everyday affaires within the presence of the Divine. I live and "walk" within the light, knowing that presence in everything and everyone. This position is often difficult for me since I view current events both from a temporal, worldly perspective and from an eternal, loving perspective as well. "To cast their distinction into contemporary terminology, we might say that in the transforming union the person perceives in his profound center a peaceful, gentle awareness that the Trinity is continually present....... A person is able to attend to the indwelling Trinity and yet carry on the ordinary business of daily life." (Thomas Dubay, S. M.)

Saturday, May 25, 2019

Connection

Yesterday and again today I had lengthy and intense connections and interactions with others during which I could feel the presence of God or something. I could tell the interactions were important though I cannot say why. I found them to be exhilarating and exhausting. "For there to be a meeting, it seems as though a third, a something else, is always present. You may call it Love, or the Holy Spirit. Jungians would say that it is the presence of the Self. If this 'Other' is present, there cannot have failed to be a meeting." (Irene Claremont deCastillejo)

Friday, May 24, 2019

Perspective

In a very temporal and worldly way I can view some of the current political trends as destructive to the earth and harmful to its inhabitants. If I am attached to this view I am alarmed by those trends. On the other hand I can sense that in an eternal way the earth and its inhabitants are in divine order and just fine, though some may die in the process. The latter view has a divine source and I feel it most strongly during my periods of prayer and meditation. I am better off not spending much time reading the paper or listening to the news. "To understand better the value of silence in daily life, and its relation to this spiritual transformation for which we yearn, it is useful first to consider the limitation of language, of words......."It is next useful to contemplate the limitations of logical reasoning."

Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Courage

In the words of the Joan Baez song from years ago, "I am less than the song I am singing, I am more than I thought I could be". I move through life touching people emotionally and spiritually, spreading love all the time. I am less than that, less than what I do but much more than I thought possible. I also keep encountering the fear of becoming "all I can be". I have been dealing with that fear for the last couple of days by feeling it (very unpleasant!) And resolving to go ahead anyway. I gather that is called courage — it feels like fear.

Sunday, May 19, 2019

Daily Life

I lead a disciplined life, not because of being fearful of the consequences of not doing so, but because of the joy, peace and freedom resulting from that discipline. As Thomas Dubay, S. M. writes "we might say that in the transforming union the person perceives in his profound center a peaceful, gentle awareness that the Trinity [Love and harmony with all things] is continually present." He goes on to point out that "A person is able to attend to the indwelling Trinity and yet carry on the ordinary business of daily life." I can do that as long as I do not believe that the "ordinary business has much importance.

Saturday, May 18, 2019

Practicw

Today at my recovery meeting I encountered people who basically said, "I want what you have", meaning they desired to have a recovery of the same quality as mine. Their comments were very flattering and I kept thinking, "yes but will you do what I do", meaning things like going to several meetings a week, setting aside an hour or more of prayer and meditation every day, mentoring several people and eliminating distractions from my life. I do these things in order to enjoy their "fruits".

Friday, May 17, 2019

Presence

When I awoke the past two mornings, after nights with far to little sleep, I went outside for my dawn ceremony and could feel the presence and abundance of life and love especially strongly. The birds were singing with the beginning of a new day and all the plants were in the midst of spring growth, a glorious time to be present for. "The God of my childhood has given way to the God of my womanhood [adulthood], a God of many names----Allah, Shiva, Great Spirit, Lord Krishna, Lord Buddha, Yahweh. This is the God who is present in the tiniest acorn and the vastest ocean." (Valerie Brown)

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

God,s Love

Tonight I have been reminded that God’s Love is Absolute and Unconditional. I also realize that I can strive for that and do my best, but that I do not truly understand what that means since I am human, not God. By Absolute I mean that it is always present, regardless of the circumstances. For me, I sometimes get so involved in the "storms" of life that I forget love, at least momentarily. By Unconditional I just mean that the Love is there no matter what I think, do or say, very pure and powerful. I can approach that but, so far, I tend to run into self-generated qualifications. It’s good to be alive!

Monday, May 13, 2019

My Approach

It is easiest to view the current president and his administration with hurt, fear and anger, leading to thoughts of protest, opposition and anticipation of future calamities, all of which may be part of our future. It is also possible to view the current administration with love and faith, part of the "gradual shift in the direction of love", I wrote of yesterday. The calamities may be the same but the eventual outcome would be different. I keep spreading and acting out of love in the desire to move in that direction. My approach "increases the integrity of the universe" and feeds the love seed rather than the fear and anger seed. We shall see!

Sunday, May 12, 2019

Change

I look around me or read the paper and note that as a species many of us are destroying the planet on which we depend, killing our brothers and sisters and often reacting to conditions out of hurt, fear and anger. I also witness many acts of loving kindness, though they get less media attention. I note a gradual shift in the direction of love, slower but much the same as the shift I have been through. In my younger years I was self destructive and am now part of the "divine solution". "When one is anchored deeply in the divine solution to all problems, outer turmoil cannot disturb the inner tranquility. It is a peace that surpasses all understanding." (Thomas Dubay, S. M.)

Saturday, May 11, 2019

Love

I cannot say with any certainty that, if they put in the effort, other people would generally be capable of the level of self-healing I wrote of yesterday. I can say with confidence that we are all capable of more than we think, if we are willing to put in the effort to develop and use the power of love within us. Developing and nurturing that God or Love "seed" within each of us does take effort and focus. There is a very constructive, positive and loving source of power within each of us which many have experienced or seen. We can develop and use that power. I find that living within that power leads to a fulfilling and enjoyable life.

Friday, May 10, 2019

Holistic Healing

Many years ago I went to a cardiologist who had me use a stethoscope to listen to the back-flow of blood through one of my heart valves and he also showed me the malfunction using a sonogram. Having seen the problem using my intent and hands I directed healing Love or God energy into the area, trusting that my body would know what to do, how to heal the problem. It did and the malfunction disappeared. More recently, when I speak of this to doctors they assume I was miss diagnosed since that explanation fits within their thinking. I have now gone through a similar sequence of events with five cysts, one cancerous/pre-cancerous lesion, a lung problem, a prostate problem, an underperforming thyroid and my disability. All were apparently miss diagnosed. I continue to use the same techniques and am impressed by the power of love and the mind-body connection.

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Harmony

I keep looking at and feeling the world around me, sensing the divine harmony in it all and wondering how I can add to that. The feeling of harmony and :rightness" applies to many things from cooking or working in my garden to reading about problems in the paper. The feeling "surpasses all understanding’ or at least mine. At the same time the feeling of harmony is undeniable. As St. John of the Cross commented "He should learn to remain in God’s presence with a loving attention and a tranquil intellect", even though this seems like idleness to him. Soon he will find little by little that a "divine calm and peace with a wondrous, sublime knowledge of God, enveloped in divine love, will be infused into his soul".

Monday, May 6, 2019

Gratitude

I began the day with ten minutes of cardiac exercising on my stationary bike, the only exercise where I can get my heart rate up to 130 or higher. Ten minutes is all my muscles will do for me. I then did the weekly shopping followed by my main activity of the day, which was mowing the front lawn. The mowing took about two hours and I rested for a while when I was half way through. For the average person the same amount of mowing takes fifteen minute, which amazes me. I also did some weeding, planting, meditating and cooking. All of today’s activities were ordinary and it is not possible for me to express how grateful I am to be able to do them. I know many people who cannot and there have been several times in my life when I could not.

Saturday, May 4, 2019

Acceptance

This morning at my recovery meeting I assisted in the opening by doing some of the initial reading since the meeting was only four of us. Later the secretary asked me if I had been OK with reading and I commented that speaking was difficult for me but when the meeting was small, I read. The fact is that almost everything in my life is difficult, a fact I need to accept if I wish to remain peaceful. I need not like it (I don’t!) but if I accept the difficulty a sense of peace is possible. On the other hand I can fight my condition which accomplishes nothing other than anxiety and frustration.

Friday, May 3, 2019

Holistic Healing

Right now I am dealing with the fact that my bubble of unconditional love impacts on my health and healing. Two days ago I wrote of living within that bubble and that it changed my reality. I use the power of love to maintain my health and promote healing when needed, with results that are sometimes miraculous. A disconnect and problem results since many, perhaps most, MDs are not taught about that power so that when I talk to them about it or they witness it, they do not understand. I need to speak my truth, regardless.

Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Perspective

I live and operate within a bubble of love through which I view and interact with the world at large, meaning I tend to interact with my world through a filter of unconditional love. That bubble is also flexible and permeable allowing me to view and understand other people without injecting much of my own bias. My approach is largely spiritual and quite different from the rigid, intellectual and judgmental bubble I used to have. "Reality is only partly our invention; it is also partly our discovery. Our task is to discover how much and in what areas which is which; and then to determine how much new freedom this gives us and what we can do with it". (Lawrence LeShan)

Sunday, April 28, 2019

Connection

We had a meeting of our book study group today, something I always enjoy due to the fact that we are all like minded in our pursuit of a closer connection and understanding of God. Some are Christian, some of them are not. All of them are either Quaker or, like my wife and myself, attenders at Quaker meeting. I believe all of them have had some sort of mystical experience, though none spend as much time and energy in their pursuit as I do. I commented today that many people admired my connection and the guidance stemming from that connection, but would not devote the time needed, a situation that seemed fine — even perfect in God’s eyes. "One by one we move beyond conceptions of ourselves, just as we pass beyond metaphors, symbols, and conceptions of God on the way into unmediated, unknowing, intimate relationship with the source of our being." (Patricia Loring)

Saturday, April 27, 2019

Listening

Sometimes I "know things I couldn’t possibly know and see things I couldn’t possibly see" which has gotten me in trouble before but can also be very useful. The ability could be called intuition, psychic ability, magic or just empathy but it has made some people angry and uncomfortable. As a result they have lashed out at me. Today I noted that I was using the same ability while working as a mentor, guide or therapist with someone. I could actually feel and know what they were describing about themselves and then help them in their own integration and understanding. The ability was part of my listening.

Friday, April 26, 2019

War?

When I was a sophomore in high school I wrote a short story called "Only Children Play" in which the children were playing a competitive game which escalated to the point that one of the kids got his father’s gun and shot one of the other children. I see much the same thing going on in the world all around me. They are children needing love, guidance and boundaries. The trick as I see it, is how to love and support them while also constraining them to prevent them from hurting anyone. ".... We shall never succeed in stopping war until we have a human society permeated with persons who practice a way of life which removes and abolishes the grounds and occasions of war, and at the same time matures and ripens a spirit of mutual understanding and personal cooperation." (Rufus Jones)

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Focus

As a typical greeting, just before my recovery meeting today the secretary inquired how I was doing to which I responded "very well". I then explained that my body was a wreck, that I was usually in some degree of pain and that my life was wonderful, so she could take her choice. As I explained at that time, "it’s a matter of focus". Over the years I have trained myself to focus on my wonderful life while the other conditions are certainly present and I can focus on them any time I want. My choice of focus does nothing to change reality but it does change the way I feel.

Monday, April 22, 2019

Simplicity

In my readings I encounter other authors who make a big deal over the worldly things they have had to give up in order to follow and adhere to their spiritual path. They write of a sense of hardship at not participating in those worldly things. I also choose to have a very simple life, avoiding many of the common distractions like fancy cars, expensive possessions, I-phones, social media outlets and sweet caffeinated drinks. I choose a simple life which does not interfere with my peace and joy. To me it is an obvious and easy choice — I do continue to enjoy the occasional cheeseburger or chocolate, just not often.

Sunday, April 21, 2019

Spiritual Path

I am impressed by the apparent fact that, in my case, a strong spiritual connection requires constant maintenance and in this way my spiritual condition is very much like one of my gardens. Today, while tending my gardens I was amazed by how quickly the weeds take over and entropy sets in. Just as quickly I can become distracted by daily events or skip some of my daily practices, allowing my spiritual connection to slip away. My readings suggest the same is true for others as well. So far I have successfully avoided experiencing "dry" spiritual periods and I hope to continue!

Saturday, April 20, 2019

Discipline

Today I was reading some accounts of the spiritual journeys of other people and was struck by the fact that such journeys require effort and time. That has certainly been true in my case. My journey and the connection I have experienced cause me great peace and joy but it has required effort, focus and discipline. I encourage others to do the same but to date, few have exerted the necessary effort. "We want to be spiritually alive, but also to be comfortable; to be prayerful, but not to rise early in the morning to pray; to possess power to lead, but not to undergo the discipline that it takes to control the power." (Kilpack)

Friday, April 19, 2019

Divine Harmony

Today I have been made more aware of the importance of my ability to sense the divine harmony and love in everything within my environment. I find this discipline to be physically healing as well as emotionally and spiritually fulfilling. Sensing the love and harmony is relatively easy when I witness some interaction between a young mother with her child. It is harder to sense but just as present when I see a cockroach scurry across the living room floor. The cockroach is a wondrously perfect example of survival and thriving within situations where humans try to eliminate it. "When the will, in becoming aware of the satisfaction afforded by the object of sight, hearing or touch does not stop with this joy but immediately elevates itself to God, rejoicing in Him who motivates and gives strength to its joy, it is doing something very good. (St. John of the Cross)

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Gifts

For the last couple of days I have been meditating about and processing a dream which tells me that I have unique and special abilities, gifts from God which carry responsibilities with them. The main responsibility right now is simply to look at the evidence of my life objectively and admit the gifts which are unique to me. One of the main gifts is my ability to transmit (beam?) God’s love through my hands, a gift which I have used in hands on healing and to help other people feel God’s Love. Another gift is my ability to work with spirits, a skill I am still developing. I find it hard to look at myself objectively and admit my own uniqueness.

Monday, April 15, 2019

Perspective

I strive to live by what I call the "Rainmaker Ideal"; to love, allow and cherish all aspects of myself and others. I do this in order to be of maximum service. It is a perspective that requires humility, ego deflation and constant introspection. I get this approach from the writings of Irene Claremont deCastillejo, who described it well; "In those rare moments when all the opposites meet within a man, good and also evil, light and also darkness, spirit and also body, brain and also heart, masculine focused consciousness and at the same time feminine diffuse awareness, wisdom of maturity and childlike wonder; when all are allowed and none displaces any other in the mind of a man, then that man, though he may utter no word is in an attitude of prayer. Whether he knows it or not his own receptive allowing will affect all those around him; rain will fall on the parched fields, and tears will turn bitter grief to flowering sorrow, while stricken children dry their eyes and laugh."

Saturday, April 13, 2019

Love

Today, in addition to the regular activities of a recovery meeting, weeding and exercising, Maria and I went to visit our niece and nephew and their new baby. The baby was, of course, adorable and just learning to walk. What was remarkable to me was the amount of love we were all expressing toward the baby and that she was beaming back at us. That love obviously promotes the growth and well being of all. The love was a marked contrast to what I saw through the families I worked with in Catholic Services or what I personally grew up with. The love was wonderful to experience.

Friday, April 12, 2019

Humanity

For the last several entries in this blog I have described some of the considerable effort I go to in order to maintain my health, sense of well being and spiritual connection and, in addition, I find myself mildly irritated by people who would like the same benefits but will not put in the effort. The reason I am irritated is that I also wish I did not have to put in so much effort. Having done so I can say that the results are well worth the effort so I will continue. But it is notable that the thoughts are still there! "We want to be spiritually alive, but also to be comfortable; to be prayerful, but not to rise early in the morning to pray; to possess power to lead, but not to undergo the discipline that it takes to control the power." (Gilbert Kilpack)

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Holistic Healing

In order to remain functional and mentally at my best I exercise most days in spite of the lack of coordination and pains associated with my disability. I do some exercise six days a week and a full range on three or four of those days. The full range consists of an exercise bike, free weights, calisthenics and a treadmill and takes two to three hours. Minor muscle and joint pain results from the muscles not working smoothly together (like they used to!). If I do not exercise the pain quickly gets worse. While exercising I focus my thoughts on harmony, love and gratitude. It is a lot of effort but it works for me.

Tuesday, April 9, 2019

Practice

I lead a life of compassion, love and service which is modeled after what I understand of Christ, yet many would not consider me to be Christian since I do not accept Christ as my one and only savior who can and does forgive me for my sins. I am also not Quaker though I do attend Quaker meetings since I benefit from the silent worship I find there. It seems to be important that I have no religious or spiritual affiliation. Having no affiliation is important for me since I can listen during meditation with minimal bias. Having no affiliation is also important since it shows that the membership is not important but the compassion, love and service is. I am Charlie and my devotion is total.

Sunday, April 7, 2019

Being Present

What a glorious day! It was a beautiful spring day and I attended a recovery gathering of several hundred people, which took me out of my comfort zone of avoiding crowds. At the closing of the meeting everyone moved to form a line around the perimeter of the large room we were in. As usual I moved very slowly and people gently nudged me out of the way and kept going around me joining the line and holding hands. One young man noticed that I was having a difficult time and was being excluded so he made it a point to break the chain and make room for me. A bit later the same young man held a heavy spring loaded door open for me and inquired if I was alright. I thanked him for noticing me.

Saturday, April 6, 2019

Connection

I had another day with multiple, intense, loving connections, some therapeutic and some more casual and incidental. As Irene Claremont deCastillejo wrote "For there to be a meeting, it seems as though a third, a something else, is always present. You may call it Love, or the Holy Spirit. Jungians would say that it is the presence of the Self. If this 'Other' is present, there cannot have failed to be a meeting." The actual circumstances of the meeting do not seem to matter when there is love present. It amazes me how much healing can take place in a short time when that sort of connection is made. "Great deeds can only be achieved when we are more than our little selves. When we are lent wings we should not reject them." (Irene Claremont deCastillejo)

Friday, April 5, 2019

Death

Today I was able to talk with someone about the glorious process of death and dying. She had the privilege of helping someone else die, a sacred activity. I was able to speak of the fact that the transition of death was a very special part of life. We also spoke of the human feeling of loss, the eternal and temporal. It was a good conversation and reminder. "The pure in heart know that when the Kingdom of the Spirit is seen in all its beauty and desired with a single will, then order is brought out of confusion."(Gilbert Kilpack)

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

God's Will

My writings in this blog are a good example of the manner in which I follow God’s will in my life. What I do each night before writing is to sift through the events of my day, in meditation, and select the topics that stands out as the correct one for me to contemplate and write about. I do much the same process all day to decide my chosen path or "the next right thing". Using this technique I end up doing what is best for me and following God’s will for me. As I have told my spouse "I always do what I am told". "God must have an instrument — an organ is perhaps a better word — for the revelation of His love and tenderness, just as his physical energies must have their coordinator and transmitter." (Rufus Jones)

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Gratitude

I just feel grateful for my life as it is, having gone to a recovery meeting and listened to the difficulties of several newcomers and a couple of people who have been around a while. Right now my life is floating along smoothly but I spoke briefly of struggling with various commonly used psychoactive substances, like coffee and cigarettes, and my addictive tendencies. I eventually gave them up in addition to alcohol   The newcomers were all dealing with basic early recovery issues and the regulars were dealing with life’s little speed bumps. I am grateful for life going smoothly right now – it could be a lot worse.

Monday, April 1, 2019

Growth

Two days ago I wrote about my own ego struggles with "the bondage of self" which I did in order to demonstrate that I have all of the normal self-centered weaknesses, frailties and tendencies. I am aware of my human weaknesses but laugh at and/or ignore them rather than giving in and then I do the loving, other-directed thing anyways. Moving beyond the weaknesses requires some discipline — but gets easier every time I do it. "One by one we move beyond conceptions of ourselves, just as we pass beyond metaphors, symbols, and conceptions of God on the way into unmediated, unknowing, intimate relationship with the source of our being." (Patricia Loring)

Saturday, March 30, 2019

Self-interest

As a part of my nighttime devotional I always pray that I may be "relieved of the bondage of self". I include this sentiment since no matter what service which I ask for or imagine there is always a part of me that thinks and hopes that I might benefit in some way, usually some type of money, power or prestige. When I am actually performing the service rather than just thinking about it I am totally focused on that service. Not when I am just thinking about it! I must confess I wish those thoughts were not there — but they are.

Friday, March 29, 2019

Focus

I lost my focus, stumbled and fell while walking from the parking area to my recovery meeting today. Actually I lost my focus and twisted my body to look at something at the same time, a bad combination. One of the gifts (curses?) of my disability is my need to focus on whatever it is that I am doing, a zen thing. If I can maintain my focus and concentration, I move slowly but relatively well. I look on this as a gift since the need keeps my attention on the present moment.

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Ministry

In the middle of every night when I get up one of my main activities is to join with God, fill myself with the powerful feeling of God’s Love and broadcast that feeling through my hands to the area around me and as far as it will go. The feeling of joining with God and then broadcasting Love has gotten stronger over time and now has become almost automatic makes my hands pulsate and my wrists ache. I usually visualize sending that Love to a tent above the graveyards and spirits I have visited. I have a strong feeling that this action will get stronger and that it will be necessary, though I do not really understand more than that, but then I do not need to. "The fruits of the Spirit [tests if leadings are divine in origin] have been translated as ‘love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control’" (Galatians 5:23)

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Being

I am very aware that I am different from most people. I have no interest in sports or other common distractions and little interest in politics, preferring instead silent contemplation and meditation. Even as a child I recall trying and failing to be interested in the pass times my peers liked such as sports, stamps, coins or games. I did enjoy walking alone through woods and fields. At the present time I find myself enjoying who I am and also wishing that I fit in better! The highlight of my day is getting up in the middle of the night to pray, meditate and be with God. "Only a few achieve the colossal task of holding together, without being split asunder, the clarity of their vision alongside an ability to take their place in a materialistic world." (Irene Claremont deCastillejo).

Sunday, March 24, 2019

Listening

Today during our book study meeting I spoke at length about the joys I experience nightly during my meditation and conscious contact with God, the joys I described in my last two entries. I was selfishly disturbed and saddened that the ten or so other people there did not listen to my words and praise me for speaking the truth. They did listen attentively but were primarily restricted by their own beliefs rather than immediately changing their minds and thanking me — pretty silly on my part. I have since recalled how difficult it was for me to really listen to alternative points of view and being stuck within my own beliefs. I could not and would not "listen attentively". Listening was a challenge for me and I am now more open (I think).

Saturday, March 23, 2019

Growth

Because of the absolute and unconditional nature of God’s Love I strive to grow in the direction of greater harmony with All-That-Is and to halt anything that impedes that growth. I choose this growth not because I am being judged or graded by some entity but because I value that Love and wish to align with it. The alignment I seek can and does look like a sacrifice on my part but it is simply my choice. As much as possible, I attempt to carry this Love with me and apply it to the people I contact. I should confess that I often fail in my attempts to carry that Love, finding that I judge others.

Friday, March 22, 2019

Perfection

I find truth in the divine sense of perfection while also finding it hard to grasp since it is very different from the human concept. When I am with God I know that I am perfect as I am and that part of that perfection includes what the human part of me considers to be my imperfections, similar to the way a mother looks at a newborn. I also realize that this perfection includes the beauty of luna moths, eagles and springtime, as well as the wonders of cockroaches, bacteria and mosquitoes. The concept also causes me to strive for greater harmony with All That Is. The divine concept gives me a greater sense of peace and results in lessening my stress.

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Growth

Two days ago I wrote of my internal struggle to overcome my own fears which are hangovers from past lives. I want to overcome those fears in order that I might become "all I can be". I just do not know what that is! I need to remember that if I stay loving and humble, with God’s help I can become "more powerful than I can imagine" (Williamson). The help is readily available, the rest is up to me to ask, listen and act. "If you can rise above the fear in your life and live the love within you, and if I can rise above my fear and live the love in me-----if that drama is reenacted enough times by enough of the world’s people-----then we will pierce the cosmic darkness and tip the world in the direction of light." (Williamson)

Monday, March 18, 2019

Holistic Healing

Yesterday afternoon, evening and into the first part of the night I had a very bad headache and was feeling agitated since my salt/water balance was off. That was why I wrote nothing last night. Today I meditated for several hours and asked if there was anything emotional or spiritual causing the problems I had. I immediately started reflecting on past lives which I dismissed as meaningless, idle fantasy at first. I then realized that my difficulties were, in part, a PTSD episode based on my experiences in past lives. During the last several days I had been doing several things like healing a suspicious, spontaneous sore on my arm, communicating with spirits and listening "beyond the words" with people. All activities which had resulted in my death and/or persecution during those past lives. My past experiences resulted in a present belief that "I would be punished". In the future I will reassure myself that I am safe.

Saturday, March 16, 2019

Connection

Today I had a very strong, enjoyable and exhausting connection with someone new to my arena and I did indeed feel "more than my little self".   During the connection I felt the Presence of something else in addition to the other person, who I was present with. I did not notice any exhaustion until later. My role was to listen and be present. "Great deeds can only be achieved when we are more than our little selves. When we are lent wings we should not reject them." (Irene Claremont deCastillejo)

Friday, March 15, 2019

God's Love

It is impossible for me to convey in words how much it means to me to have God’s Absolute and Unconditional acceptance, to feel and live within that degree of Love and know that I am perfect within my imperfection. For me, when I meditate and feel that feeling my disability, chronic pain and worldly stressors just fall away — they do not exist there. I am motivated to perform at my best, often beyond what I thought possible. "Great deeds can only be achieved when we are more than our little selves. When we are lent wings we should not reject them." (Irene Claremont deCastillejo)

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Perfection

Tonight and in past days I have been meditating and contemplating on the idea of perfection which, I have come to understand, is very different from a human versus God’s perspective. The human view is that in order to be perfect on must always perform without falling short of some pre-determined ideal, a view that is often harmful and stress producing. God’s view, which is communicated by feelings to which I ascribe words, is that perfection is closer to harmony and that we are all perfect all of the time, a view that is supportive and encourages being. God’s view is Absolute and Unconditional so that a person could be ten or ninety percent in harmony with All-That-Is and still be perfect. I know the feeling and I need not understand how that works. That concept is never harmful and motivates me to perform at my maximum.

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Vibrancy of Spring

Yesterday we (mostly Maria, I watched and made comments) put up a bluebird house and today it was being checked out by a male bluebird. If he approves he will show it to a female and she will have final say. The plants in the gardens are getting ready to bloom. Buds on bushes and trees are swelling and getting ready to burst forth. According to the plants and animals spring is here and it feels wonderful. According to the Thomas gospel, Jesus says that this primordial light not only brought the entire universe into being but still shines through everything we see and touch.

Sunday, March 10, 2019

My Role

I model my life according to what I know of Christ, yet some people would not consider me Christian and I attend Quaker meetings yet I am not a Quaker. I consider such exclusivity to be a silly part of humanity — not of God — OK for many, but not me. God’s Love is Absolute and Unconditional without any such artificial requirements or conditions. I Love and honor God and God does the same for me and others. I do enjoy the silent worship of Quaker meetings and I identify with much of the mystical tradition of the Friends. I am Charlie and I spread Love as much as I can.

Saturday, March 9, 2019

Empathy

In contrast to yesterday, today was a good day. I went to a recovery meeting, watched a movie, talked to a person I work with, exercised, meditated and napped, a good balance of activities. As an energetic empath I have to be careful about taking on and being affected by the negative energy of others, staying clear about what is mine and theirs. If I start feeling bad for no reason, it helps me let the feeling go when I say to myself "this is not mine". Having done that yesterday, today I felt clear and positive.

Friday, March 8, 2019

Rough Day

Today was a rough day for me. I woke up as a "creaky old man" (aches and pains with difficulty moving around) which improved for a while and then worsened until I was completely debilitated this afternoon and finally began to improve this evening. Physically I needed to take on salt and water in order to restore my salt/water/fluid balance. I also meditated to find out if there was anything emotional or spiritual going on and I realized that I had been empathically taking on some negative energy from the spirits and living humans I contact. I needed to focus on encapsulating that energy in love and then releasing it "like a fart", very cleansing. Now I think it’s time for bed.

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Connection

Tonight during my meditation and feeling the strength, power and Love of that connection I was acknowledging both how good and vital the contact was and also how fragile it was. Part of my humanity is that I often wish for more "money, power or prestige", yet I am also aware that if I had more worldly success I would tend to get lost in it and loose or reduce my connection. For example, to date my book has sold around a hundred copies and I fantasize about it being more successful, while realizing that even thinking about more success challenges me. So, my connection is strong but it is also fragile.

Monday, March 4, 2019

Ministry

For some reason, which is not clear to me, the spirits at and around the Friend’s meeting house in Sandy Spring, MD are pivotal to my work with spirits. What I do with the spirits I encounter is to radiate Love and dispel their negative thoughts and feelings. I then suggest they influence the living by doing the same thing, energetically. My plan is to shift the energetic balance from the negative, anger and hurt into a more loving direction. The spirits around Sandy Spring are leaders in the process and they inform me that the work is having an impact.

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Holistic Healing

Today I was with someone who had fallen and could not get up. In response my subconscious automatically went into healing mode and I could feel the healing energy being drawn out of me and sent to her. She then got up with the aide of a chair. I usually generate and channel a healing energy based on love and God which I then direct through my hands to whatever needs healing. In this case the healing was done without thought or intent on my part, It felt like I was a merely a tool in the process. Understanding is not required!

Saturday, March 2, 2019

Spiritual Growth

My intuitive sense is that it is now time for me to expand what I do, say and believe as far as spiritual matters. I am doing that by going past my intellect which deals with logic, reason and knowledge, very limiting and limited. I then venture, largely through meditation, into the realm of simple knowing and intuition using my listening skills and allowing myself to feel lost which sounds simple but it is certainly not easy. I have to shut down my intellect in order to proceed. "To understand better the value of silence in daily life, and its relation to this spiritual transformation for which we yearn, it is useful first to consider the limitation of language, of words. It is next useful to contemplate the limitations of logical reasoning." (Daniel A. Seeger)

Friday, March 1, 2019

My Role

I understand that anyone and everyone can feel and live within God’s kingdom, the feeling of Love, power, peace and presence, to the degree that they commit themselves to being in it. In my case I spend time each day in worship and am consciously aware of the kingdom 24/7. Most people do not have that level of commitment, which seems to be OK (though not in my case). I encounter many people who admire my commitment and the results — but are also unwilling to commit themselves to that degree. I will do everything I can to help them feel and live within the Love regardless. I gather that is my role.

Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Distraction

Tonight I was doing my "daily devotion" as described yesterday and focusing on the positive or loving aspects of the grief process when I got distracted and temporarily lost my connection. I am struck by how easy it is to become distracted. I could feel the Loving presence and strong connection as I recalled the deep, loving, sadness I felt after various losses in my life and a recognition of their eternal nature. It felt sad but in a very positive, forward moving way. Then I turned on my computer and began looking at some current events with the result that my connection evaporated — temporarily. Distraction is very easy to do!

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Practice

As a part of my "daily devotion", I get out of bed around midnight for a period of prayer and meditation during which I spend about an hour broadcasting the power and healing love I believe originates with God. In addition to broadcasting, I turn that feeling on myself for my own health and healing. Tonight, while doing that, I also turned that feeling toward the spirits around me who received it like an energetic spiritual cleansing shower. In sending that feeling out into the night around me I believe it has a positive impact on the universe.

Monday, February 25, 2019

Abiding

The topic for our reading group which met yesterday was abiding or living within God’s love. Most of the members had experienced the feeling of living within God’s love for a period of time and then stopped doing the necessary footwork to maintain the connection. One woman when speaking of a time when she felt the presence of God commented that "unfortunately the connection required daily devotion". I suspect she was correct though I have not risked finding out. Personally I benefit greatly from abiding and hope I will not stop. "A mystical touch is a deep, intimate contact-union-experience of God in one of His attributes such as power, light, goodness, beauty, or joy." (Thomas Dubay, S. M.)