Saturday, November 7, 2015
This afternoon we had a meeting of the Friend’s writing group and the topic was angels. Right when the topic was brought up I realized that I had had numerous visits by spiritual beings coming to support me. Spiritual beings that I just called spirits since they did not look like the classic Christian angel. I realized that they could be considered angels since they came into my life to give me loving support. At the meeting I mentioned one circumstance where my angel was a young Native American with long flowing black hair, buckskin leggings and a bare chest and feet. I felt warm and very loved.
Friday, November 6, 2015
This evening I have been questioning my own level of recovery, a good but uncomfortable process. It is good for me to note that I am not being hard on myself as I did in the past, not putting myself down, but rather just attempting to be objective. Today I had an opportunity to listen to someone else’s inventory of subjects like honesty, integrity and fear. During my listening to him I became increasingly aware that I still have passing thoughts of the fears that used to lead me to dishonesty and a lack of integrity. I just no longer act on them, choosing instead to act out of love. The words of Mother Theresa come to mind “Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.”
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Today I received some promotional material and suggestions for my book from the publishing company. As I read through the suggestions, I quickly realized that I was physically unable to follow their suggestions due to my disability and associated speech problems. I immediately fell into a downward spiral of anger and self-pity. While the spiral was happening I realized it was not useful and tried to get out of it through distractions, which did not work. What did work was confronting my fears and self-pity through meditation, laughing at myself a bit and then realizing that I had other choices. I am still exploring choices but in a love and faith-based way.
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
I have had the privilege of working with several people on the edge of death, basically helping them deal with the realizations and process of that final, very meaningful and beautiful transition. It almost always brings me to tears to hear them say something to the effect that physical death is not as important as the spiritual and emotional growth that a person goes through in the process of death, something that I too have realized. I certainly realize that it is not a popular view, but the fact is that events that are often viewed as tragic, frequently also result in emotional and spiritual growth.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Making healthy choices was a major theme in tonight’s recovery meeting and I realized that, for the last several years, I have done pretty well with that. Historically I have had a strong tendency to hold on to unhealthy patterns way to long. I have also had a strong tendency to forget the negative consequences to my own actions. Recognizing those patterns and actively attempting to do differently has helped a lot. At the present time, a major part of my sorting or meditation time is spent reviewing my daily choices and deciding if I wish to do differently.
Monday, November 2, 2015
Last night I slept for four hours and followed that with another four hours of deep meditation which is similar to sleep, but much more refreshing. As usual, I did each without any sort of alarm clock, thus making sure that I get what my body needs, and it was very refreshing. A total of eight hours is about two hours more than normal for me, signifying a greater need. The greatest need for me right now is that I am attempting to strengthen and broaden my spiritual connection. As has been the case for the last several years, I am utilizing some Native American practices such as the sweat lodge, pipe and sacred herbs. However, I am also keeping in mind that they are only symbols, like the trinity or Holy Eucharist. The challenge for me is to look beyond the symbols at the reality beyond.
Sunday, November 1, 2015
Today, in addition to the regular activities of meeting with my sponsor, preparing, then going to a recovery meeting and conducting two therapeutic groups, I felt the need for some quiet, sorting time. I was feeling like I had several unresolved issues, though I couldn’t put my finger on anything, so I just got quiet, cleared my mind and meditated. Having done that, I feel much better though, outwardly, I have accomplished nothing.