Saturday, February 21, 2015
At times, it has been difficult for me to put my finger on any sort of definition of what it is to act lovingly versus reacting out of fear, so I have resorted to using a simple analogy. To me, acting out of love has the feeling of a clear mountain stream; a feeling of clarity, cleansing and purity. On the other hand, reacting to fear or even encountering it in someone or something else feels like a turbid, cloudy lake. Fear feels polluted and less cleansing, though difficult to define.
Friday, February 20, 2015
In recent years I have learned to “hold hands with the dragon” of my fears. It’s still a little strange to me because, on the one hand, I know my fears to be totally illusory and that they probably will never even happen. On the other hand, they feel very real. What I do is embrace the fears by feeling them, writing and talking about them. While also laughing about them and referring to them as “vapor”, not to be taken seriously. At this point in my life, that approach works for me.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Several years ago, a few years after my disability was diagnosed, when I still could not walk or stand unaided, my mother died. As I said yesterday, I had different views about death and I also thought that my different views would mean that I could avoid the grieving process. I was wrong, realizing now that grieving is a valuable aspect of life. I wrote her a letter, which I burned and crawled down to the shore of a river to talk to her spirit. I cried and told her what I needed to. That was a wonderful part of the grieving process for me. At that time a very special bird landed near me, listening to what I had to say - magical & meaningful.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
The topic in today’s recovery meeting was “loss” and I chose to remain silent since my understanding was quite different from other members and I felt the need of sorting that out. Using meditation, contemplation and talking with Maria, my wife, I have arrived at some clarity. During the meeting the participants spoke of getting older as a loss of options and the death of a loved one as a tragedy and a loss of options also. From a purely physical perspective I realize that is true. However, having experienced numerous losses and now getting older, I have seen my options expand greatly in emotional and spiritual ways. It is also my understanding and experience that death is a transition into an existence with a large increase in options, not the other way around. In my experience, the grieving process and feeling losses are a beautiful though often unpleasant part of life, not to be avoided.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
The theme for the last couple of days was fear versus love and faith. The fact is that there are potentially fearful events that happen in this world every day and if I focus on those events and project their possible occurrence into the future, I do not feel at peace. Many years ago my life crumbled around me and, additionally, I have been near death several times. Those times were difficult for me. Today I live with love and faith. I prefer to observe the realities I just mentioned and also know that, in the future, everything will be fine. I just do not know what fine will look like!
Monday, February 16, 2015
The events surrounding the abduction and eventual death of Kayla Mueller are a good example of what I wrote about yesterday. There is no question that the events were tragic, particularly for those who knew and loved her. Her presence will be sorely missed by family and friends, a fact that should not be discounted. However, it is important to note that, at another level, the same events awakened and/or strengthened the seed of love within many people, even her captors. Similarly, I have experienced several unpleasant and challenging events in my life which have enhanced my sense of peace, compassion and love, a message that I now carry to others.
Sunday, February 15, 2015
I view events differently than most people, because of experiencing what I call “the God place” every morning and then holding that attitude during the day. The God place is an attitude of absolute peace, love, compassion and understanding with none of the opposites of attitudes like hate, apathy or violence. In my view all events, no matter how tragic they appear on the surface, move the participants in the direction of peace, love, compassion and understanding. In my view all events move us in the direction of believing in and experiencing love and peace. My experience is that is inside each of us waiting to be awakened and nurtured.