Saturday, January 31, 2015
There were a variety of activities that I took part in today, much like any other day, that meant little or nothing to me. It was very much like Williamson says; “Meaning doesn’t lie in things. Meaning lies in us. When we attach value to things that aren’t love—the money, the car, the house, the prestige—we are loving things that can’t love us back. We are searching for meaning in the meaningless. Money, of itself, means nothing. Material things, of themselves, mean nothing. It’s not that they’re bad. It’s that they’re nothing.” On the other hand, I had a good connection with a client and a strong, loving connection with my wife. There, I found meaning and fulfillment.
Friday, January 30, 2015
As a result of meditating, exercise, service work, day-to-day activities and going to a recovery meeting, I feel good today, the fear has passed, like the vapor it was. Knowing that the fear was meaningless and imaginary also helped. I was able to connect with an addict in early recovery, very enjoyable. I feel a great deal of gratitude, love and knowing that everything is just as it should be.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
I received the edited manuscript of my book today, together with instructions on how to go through and check the manuscript. Receiving it really shook me up and I began being fearful about completing the process; very humbling since I usually don’t react fearfully to anything. I tried meditating on a feeling of peace and knowing that everything would be fine, which lasted a few minutes and then I found myself back in my fears. It did not help that the instructions I received did not work. Time to put the manuscript down and do something else for a while.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Earlier today I made a comment to someone about the fact that as humans, we make some very silly & sometimes extremely destructive choices, due to hurt and fear. I have certainly made many such choices during my life. Now I recognize those choices as part of the current human condition, along with the free will to express them. Fortunately, in my case, when those choices were so destructive that they would have resulted in my death, I was prevented from carrying them out, sometimes in miraculous ways. My choices today are an attempt to add to the amount of love in the world.
Monday, January 26, 2015
Today, I was very aware that there is a big difference between someone who has a firm but theoretical concept of the loving presence of God versus someone who has a “knowing” of that presence. I find that I have little patience for someone who has a theoretical knowledge, no matter how well presented. I also find that I have a great deal of respect for the knowing, no matter how it is expressed, even when the words “God” or “love” are not used. I believe that I can sense the difference, whether they agree with me or not.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Several years ago, during my morning meditation, I would immerse myself in the feeling of the extreme/absolute unconditional love of God. Then, when I came out of the meditation, the memory of that feeling would persist and affect all of my interactions during the day. One day, when I came out of meditation, that feeling of extreme/absolute unconditional love persisted as my reality, not just as a memory. When I asked how I could function in the world and continue to have that feeling, I was told “you’ll get used to it”. That feeling has continued to be my reality and, as I commented to a friend this morning “I pretty much live there”. I do slip from that feeling on occasion, getting absorbed by some obsessive, negative thought, and now miss the feeling when it is not there. I think of myself as living in a “bubble of love” or being in partnership with God. That way of being has changed my life dramatically.