Tuesday, December 25, 2012

The Location of Consciousness

I have been told, and it is generally believed, that consciousness is located exclusively in the brain.  I cannot say that I have a complete picture, at this point, but I do know that is not accurate.  Various people, including myself, have disassociated at times of extreme pain or some sort of extreme emotional or physical upset, and at least part of the consciousness moves nearby but detached, physically and emotionally, from the event.  There is also a similar situation with, what is generally called, “remote viewing”, when a person “views” a distant location without physically being there.  Also when I go into deep meditation, my consciousness shifts to an existence where I feel total peace, total love, am not disabled and have no pain, I suspect that my consciousness moves away from my body and toward, what I call, the God place.  Finally, through meditation, my understanding is that when a person dies his/her consciousness expands and moves with the soul to the “other side”, giving up its temporary home in the body.
To me, the location of consciousness is not a simple, academic question.  My meditation and contemplation time with God has made it quite clear to me that I am more than I thought I was, which is a wonderful realization, but it also makes me uneasy and challenges me to become more.  With God’s help and guidance, I wish to become that person.   It seems important to understand this sort of thing because I do not wish to limit myself with my own beliefs.  Unfortunately, I know I can do that!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

A Different View

Several years ago I asked, very deeply and sincerely, to see the world the way that God does and that has happened, as far as I can tell.  The vast majority of things most people talk about and worry about just seem silly to me, though I always listen with a genuine sense of appreciation.  I have a very strong tendency to feel like a parent watching my children navigate through life, a feeling of love, amusement and gratitude when I see them or myself (similar thoughts and feelings occur to me, I just do not take them seriously).  There is no feeling of condescension, rather a feeling of love and a strong connection.  I am reminded of what I heard years ago that “nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all”.  It is a very loving and peaceful view of the world.
I have been very aware recently of how different my view of the world is and wondered whether that was a problem.  It has been made clear to me the last several days that it is only by having that view, that I can truly connect with the spiritually connected part of others.  They end up talking to me about their own “paranormal” experiences, which they, generally, have never talked about before.  I can normalize their experiences by telling them the same or similar experiences of my own, explain that they were touched by God and help them understand what the experiences mean.  Basically, because of my extreme view, I can help them and then they can go out and relate to “normal” people, something I am too “far out” to do.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Unconditional Love

Through my connection with God, I have learned a great deal more about love, particularly unconditional love.  Within the unconditional love of God it does not seem to matter if I curse God, am apathetic, do self-destructive things or question God’s very existence - the love is still there.  I seek to do the same, to have my love be selfless.  One of the people I work with is/was angry with me, and let me know it.  While he talked to me, I felt nothing but a strong love for him and explained that I said what I said out of love for him and strictly for his welfare.  The whole exchange was a bit strange, but he seemed to understand.  I do enjoy the interactions more when people like me, but I don’t let that alter my behavior.  It is about them, not me.

Enlightenment & Mastery

Enlightenment and mastery are concepts based on duality, and within the absolute they have no meaning.  These concepts, helpful as they can be, are based on judgments, ego and separateness, which is why I choose not to use them.  These concepts represent parts of myself that I would rather not encourage, parts that separate me from others.  I much prefer the feeling of being part of the “oneness” of all things.
Within the absolute there are different levels of awareness for different souls or essences but they are all also part of the greater whole or God.  God and they are all one within the isness. but there is only isness.  Things simply are or they are not.  I can’t say that I completely grasp the ideas that I just expressed, I am too wrapped up in duality!  Understanding is not required.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Pain as a Signal

Pain, to me, is an indication that things are not right, a signal that something could be different and result in less pain.  I have had a great deal of pain during the last twenty five years which did bring me much closer to God, as Catholicism maintains, and, through God, I did encounter a very powerful source of physical healing.  Now, having gone through what I went through, my connection with God continues to get stronger while the pain has subsided and, much of the time, is no longer there.  The pain was a good indication of what was wrong in my life, physical healing has taken place and continued pain has no value.  In my case I needed to make use of the medical profession for some things and then learn to turn away for others, a process of choice which required considerable guidance.  Generally, if the pain lessened and physical healing took place, I knew I had made the right choice.  I also needed to investigate and then turn away from my own tendency toward self-deprecation.  I then needed to turn towards compassion, love and God.  When I clear away my own blocks, then turn to compassion, love and God there can be physical and emotional healing.  The pain then dissipates and/or  vanishes.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Respectful Listening

December 12, 2012
A day of contrasting views of me and my disability/speech impediment.  I spent my morning in various staff and clinical meetings.  My opinion was solicited many times and it was quite apparent that I was respected, though people found me hard to understand at times.  When I got home I found out that the electrical company I had called for a repair to the wiring for my hot-tub would not be coming out.  Maria had called them and they told her that they had a policy of not working on hot-tubs, so she got the name of another company.  I had called them two days earlier, explained the problem and asked if they were the correct people to call.  They said they would be out later that day.  They did not come or call.  It was as if they were thinking “tell him what he wants to hear and just get him off the phone.  He is not bright enough to make a problem for us, and he probably won’t even remember”, an attitude which I get often, usually in person, and the look and body language express that kind of sentiment, though I obviously don’t know what they were really thinking.  Later today we had a men’s group, where I was once again respected.  Both scenarios happen frequently and it certainly keeps me humble, and alert!  The negative response used to make me angry and I tried to counter it, to no avail, now I just take note.  Not many years ago, I would have responded to me and my speech much the same.  Respectful listening and compassion feel much better.

December 13, 2012
Quite a contrast to yesterday!  A guy came out to look at and fix the hot-tub.  He was very courteous and respectful.  He clearly went out of his way to be helpful and of service, very refreshing.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Being Mindful

Typically, I spend one day a week, Sunday, exercising, doing household things and relaxing.  As usual, I spend the first four or five hours, beginning at 2:00 A.M., with a combination of prayer, meditation and contemplation.  Today was that day.  The first part of the day is focused, vital and meaningful.  The rest of the day, the exercise part, is important since I am caring for my body, but I allow my brain to wander pretty freely and it is certainly entertaining to watch and not to be taken seriously.  I find that my brain can go from grandiose to self-deprecating in a heartbeat.  It is particularly dangerous when I get stuck at one extreme or the other.  Not a good time to make decisions.  Today I just wandered back and forth.  It is best for me to be mindful.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Working With Others

Today, I cried tears of extreme gratitude tinged with sadness, both because of being involved with the power of God/love, and watching someone move on.  A few days ago I wrote an entry that made it clear that having my life revolve around God and love had saved my life.  Today, a woman who is moving out of state and on with her life, made it clear that God and love, through me, had saved and altered her life.  She, like many others before her, was extremely grateful.  It is a wonderful gift to be part of that, to get my own ego out of the way, and act as a conduit.

“A true Master is not the one with the most students, but the one who creates the most Masters.
A true leader is not the one with the most followers, but the one who creates the most leaders.
A true king is not the one with the most subjects, but the one who leads the most to royalty.
A true teacher is not the one with the most knowledge, but the one who causes the most others to have knowledge.
And a true God is not One with the most servants, but One who serves the most, thereby making Gods of all others.
For this is both the goal and glory of God: that his subjects shall be no more, and that all shall know God not as the unattainable, but as the unavoidable.”  p 114

from Conversations with God, an uncommon dialogue, book 1, by Neale Donald Walsch, G. P. Putnam’s Sons, New York, 1996

Friday, December 7, 2012

Becoming Willing

The recovery meeting today was about willingness and I mentioned that now I am totally willing to do what ever God guides me to do, but that has not always been so.  Since the meeting, I have been reflecting on the process I have been through in becoming more willing.
I have been through a variety of very difficult and often painful experiences in the past twenty seven years, which have gradually brought me to a compete reliance and a partnership with God.  My growing relationship with God was the only thing I found that made my physical situation better,  or even tolerable at times.  I recall the last instance most clearly and am still coming out of it.  At my lowest point, I had several open sores in my mouth that were all periodically bleeding and could only halt the continuous spastic movement of my jaw during sleep or deep meditation.  I was in a lot of pain from biting my cheeks and tongue several times a day.  I had extreme difficulty with talking and eating, the doctors were prescribing palliative pain meds and telling me to do things like giving up on ever driving again.  They had clearly decided that I was done with any sort of functional life.  At that point, I got down on my knees, crying, early one morning and asked for the strength to deal with what was happening and the guidance necessary to recover from my condition.  Against all odds, I have gotten both.  Immediately after asking/praying, as described above, I felt both the strength and guidance in my life and that continues today.
It is now,  just over two years later.  I have minimal or no pain and bite myself only occasionally and never as seriously as I used to.  My jaw is now relaxed except when I eat or speak and I still have problems with speaking and eating but not like I did.   For obvious reasons, my commitment to the power/source that did that is total.  I also continue to spend several hours a day being with that power, which I choose to call God and continue to pursue my own healing.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Labels & Helping Others

I am Charlie and I know some things, a statement that I am comfortable with.  For some reason, which I do not understand, I am not comfortable with referring to myself with any sort of label like elder, mystic, Bodhisattva or master.  I even have difficulty writing of them here, as if they will confine or describe me.  I am fine with others using those labels and realize that I fit the profile. I am not sure why I have been shown/told the things that I know, other than to pass them on, which I do daily.  I enjoy who I am and what I know and I wish others could see the world the way I do.  I love everything and everybody.  I am passionate about doing everything I can to pass it on.  I want to change the way people relate to the world that supports us.
I get a great deal of joy out of watching myself or others grow and change.  If I play a role for others, it is better for me if my role is not acknowledged or even realized, partly because I like praise too much and partly because “a master craftsman leaves no trace”.  It is also better for the other person if they think they came to see things differently strictly on their own.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Results of a Holistic Approach

A great day!  I did not go into town.  Most of the day was spent doing some sort of exercise, interspersed with relaxation, talking with Maria, computer work and contemplation.  The day began at 2:00 A.M., with several hours of prayer and meditation.  I began my exercising at around 6:30 and finished around 3:30, a combination of free weights, calisthenics and exercise machines.  I have been pushing pretty hard to increase my exercising and stamina.  Not bad considering where I started.  Admittedly, it has been twenty-four years of slow progress and determination.  I recall in P.T. in ‘88, I was learning to crawl and tried to get on a stair-stepper but just crumpled to the floor, unable to hold myself up or perform the necessary movements.  I started my exercise program with 0.3 miles on an exercise bike, with no resistance.  I also recall the dr. warning me, very seriously, that my ability to exercise would be limited by atrophied muscles.

Sunday, December 2, 2012


Today I have a renewed awareness of the delicate balance I maintain between acknowledging and accepting the negative aspects of my life versus being grateful for the positive things.  This balance is something I have been aware of many times in the past.  It is easy for me to fall into feeling negative about the events in my life.  The fact is, feeling negative is neither pleasant nor particularly realistic.  Gratitude feels much better and there are always numerous things to be grateful for.  For example, I have had several people ask today about my shoulder pain, which is fairly minor at this point but still present.  They asked me to explain it, which I did in fair detail.  As a result, I ended up being more aware of the pain than I usually am and I began feeling negative.  The fact is my pain or discomfort now can be largely taken care of with ibuprofen and was quite a bit worse even a few short weeks ago.  Additionally, there are other aspects of my life that are just wonderful and some are very unusual within the human experience.  Like I said, it feels better to be grateful!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Going With the Flow

A pleasant day with an overriding feeling of things coming to a close or changing.  I feel some discomfort because of things changing, together with a desire to be present and go with the flow.  The day began with a series of staff and clinical meetings at the treatment center where I get many of my referrals.  Following that, I had lunch with a friend and he drove me down to Oak Creek Village and a visit with the healer I have been going to.  As usual, it was a two hour session, and, on this occasion, I found it invigorating and energizing (sometimes I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck).  My friend and I had good conversation and a good connection on the way down and back.  Nothing particularly earthshaking.
I was with the treatment center a little more than two years ago, when it first began.  It keeps changing and growing and I try to be alert to the changes and to then change with it.  Recently another clinician came on board and he has some ideas about firming up the role of clinicians at the treatment center. He is questioning our procedures and recommending some changes.  There are also three clinicians now, instead of just me.  I need to step aside a bit, become part of a group and allow the flow of change.
The healer that I have been going to commented that he has now done just about all he can do, so that will come to a close soon.  I have been doing my own healing work and plan to continue.  The two of us, together, have made a lot of progress, but I am not done with my part.  The brain is slow to respond, but continues, just not as fast as I would like.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Processing Fear

I spent a good deal of the day processing fear.  Unfortunately, if I do not stay in touch with my feelings, my body does not perform well.  What generally happens is that I get aches and pains that do not go away like they normally would, if I don’t acknowledge my feelings.  Many healing practitioners would say that my “chi” gets blocked, preventing the flow of energy and healing.  In this case, today, it is my shoulder that continues to bother me and the associated feeling is fear.
I am not sure what I am afraid of other than it is possible future events and my fear is that I will not cope with it well.  This is a very good example of “false evidence appearing real” since there is nothing really there to fear, it is all projection at this point.  However, the feeling is very real and calls out to be acknowledged.  In addition to acknowledging the feeling, I needed to acknowledge that I would do the best I could, ask for guidance, do the next right thing and continue to put myself out for the welfare of others (act out of love, not fear).

Sunday, November 25, 2012

The Absolute

When I use the word “absolute” to refer to a reality other than the relativistic reality I was raised in, I am referring to a reality I was introduced to during a “near death experience” several years ago, a reality I usually just call the “God place”.  I have learned that the God place is the “other side”.  I understand that it is where a person goes when they die.  A place of expanded consciousness and pure love.  I use the word absolute partly because that is how I have heard it called by others and partly because it is just that, absolute, there is no relativity.  There is no love and fear, there is only love.  That sounds wonderful but the fact is, without at least the memory of fear, there is only “isness” within an energetically intense reality.
More recently, I would return to the God place during my meditation and then, typically, after meditation, return to this relativistic reality.  Then one time, I returned and carried the feeling of the God place with me, I could not return completely.  I then asked “how am I going to deal with this feeling of pure love” within my walking around reality.  I was told quite simply “you will get used to it”.  I have and I miss it when it is gone, which I was shown once, for a short time.  Additionally, that feeling changes the way I look at the world fairly dramatically.
Personally, at this point in my life, when I experience fear or terror, I am also always aware of the God place.  Conversely, much of the time I am experiencing the feeling of the God place, with a memory of fear.  It is my hope and belief that others can share in this knowing.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Relative versus Absolute

Tonight I used the word “envy” to describe how the spirits feel about our physical life on this planet.  Maria pointed out that envy usually indicates a desire to go through the same thing being described, meaning that the spirits want to participate in physical life.  I did not mean that at all.  Perhaps I should have used the word “admired”.  It is my sense, through my connection, that the spirits, who inhabit an absolute reality, admire our relativistic existence.  The relativistic nature of our existence (good versus bad, pleasure versus pain, love versus fear), accentuates each pole.  That is, because of the duality, I tend to feel each pole more acutely.  Taking a lesson from the “other side”, I find it more fulfilling to appreciate both sides of the various polarities.  For example, the value of love seems greater when there is also an awareness of fear.  I find it best to cherish all of life, and the spirits certainly admire and encourage that.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Change is slow

Today was Thanksgiving.  I spent the morning doing my various exercises, and in the afternoon we went over to a friend’s house for a meal and social gathering.  The gathering was all people that I know pretty well, from either the sweat lodge or the recovery community that I am part of.  The two things that struck me most were how similar to other people I am and also how different.  We are very similar in that we are all floating through various life situations, trying to do the next right thing and make some sense of things.  Different in that they talked of sports, jobs, politics, movies and TV, things in the created order that I have no interest in.  For the most part, I consider those things as distractions with little or no meaning.
They also talked of the new movie “Cloud Atlas” and the novelty and importance of the ideas expressed im that movie.  Things like connectedness, karma and reincarnation.  On the one hand I was glad to hear them talk about those things.  On the other hand, my thought was “it’s about time!” since various mystics, healers, supposedly primitive people and spiritual leaders have been talking about those things for hundreds of years.  I think I will stick with being grateful, that feels better.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Trudge Time

November 20, 2012
Today life feels like a lot of work, it just feels hard.  Lots of dysfunction, pain and fear with many people.  Fortunately Maria and I only have the pain and fear part.  We are trying to be examples of peace, love and compassion, accepting what is and working with it.  Several of my friends are struggling to overcome personal difficulties.  Some have physical pain.  The pinched nerve in my shoulder has not healed completely, so I still have a small amount of pain.  On days like this, I just try to be aware of my feelings, and, taking a lesson from my Buddhist teachers, neither push the feelings away or attach to them.  I just consider a day like this to be “trudge time” and let it pass.
Today contrasts markedly with the way I felt yesterday, and nothing has changed other than my attitude!

November 21, 2012
This was a neutral day.  Fortunately, trudge time has passed, as it always does.  The sweat lodge tonight was canceled, giving me some extra time, so I made a large batch of soup and relaxed more.
I spent the morning in various staff meetings, and was struck by the fact that other people conduct themselves largely based on fears of things like liability, judgment and responsibility.  I do take steps such as knowing the laws and documenting my activities, in order to address the liability issue, but I also have the basic knowing that everything will be fine and that if I follow my guidance, I have nothing to fear.  I follow the course of love and service and just figure that I will be taken care of.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

An Impact of Love

Today a friend commented that there is a “strange sort of magnetism” associated with our home.  This comment was made because birds and other animals tend to hang out around our house.  Many people have made similar comments and many animals, especially young ones, do  tend to stay here.  As I say in my website “The source power/love/God is in all things and all people, not just humans, Christians, Muslims or Pantheists. A person can sense it in all things and they can sense it in you. I have had a family of rabbits play at my feet, been wrapped in feelings of love and scent from trees and had various children and adults react strongly to the presence of that force.”  More recently, when I go out to put food out for the birds or other animals, they just don’t go away.  They look up, see me coming and go back to eating, as if to say “it’s only Charlie”.  I then ask them to move and they do,  just not far.  This spring we also had a family of young ravens come to visit us each morning, peering in windows, walking on the roof and communicating with each other.  They were a delight.  As I also comment in my website “ A truly magical experience in each case.  I could sense the God/source/power in them, and they could sense it in me, an incredible experience.”  The feeling of love/God that I walk around with has an impact on everything around me, even machinery and “inanimate” things.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Love Versus Superiority & Judgement

Maria and I just attended the movie “Lincoln”, starring Daniel Day Lewis, about the end of the Civil War and the Emancipation Proclamation, ending slavery and changing the Constitution.  What stood out to me was man’s inhumanity to man.  One of the main themes in the movie was the use of harsh judgement, exclusion, superiority and criticism of one white male toward another, toward people of color and women of any color.  The movie portrayed this theme within politics at that time.  The use of judgement, superiority and exclusion has also been part of virtually every religion and the general world culture throughout recorded history.  This attitude has been part of humanity and does not come from God or fit within love.  We are one with God and each other.  Each of us is connected to everything and everyone.
In reflecting on this theme or human tendency, I think of the behavior of children or puppies.  I don’t get angry at children or puppies when they do silly things.  I find it difficult to get more than momentarily angry at a puppy for making a mess or chewing the leg of some valued antique.  They don’t know any better and I am the one being silly if I judge them for their behavior, or place value where it does not belong.  It’s the same with human beings.  Whether we talk about white males, Muslims, Palestinians or Christians, they just do not realize their interconnectedness, if they did, they would behave differently.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Love and a Change in Perspective

I was reminded today of a change in perspective that many of my clients go through.  They finish the 6 month program at B2B and then return home for a few days.  When at home, generally they can clearly see  the dysfunction in their family for the first time, usually lots of insecurity, triangulation and taking things personally.  Generally they fight me vigorously when I initially bring these things up, a few months previously.  They usually disagree and can not see the problem.  Over the next months they become relatively direct and honest and tend to see the dysfunction as needless, hurtful drama.  They come to love their family members even more, and see what is going on as very human.  There is no judgment or criticism,  just loving, accurate observation.  They frequently recognize that their parents and/or older members of the family are unlikely to change, and become good with that.  Quite a change for them and quite something to watch!

Saturday, November 17, 2012

The Absolute and Eternal

For the last several days I have spent less time in the morning doing my deep meditation or zoning and more time just sitting and contemplating on the absolute of God/love/presence.  I do this by sitting in front of the wood stove, possibly doing some spiritual reading and simply focusing on the feeling of love and the presence of God.  I refer to this as absolute because, in fact, nothing else really exists.  There is none of the duality, like hot versus cold or black versus white, we are accustomed to, only the love.  I also have, in the background, the awareness or memory of things like hate, apathy, hurt, pain and depression, feelings that make the absolute of love feel even stronger because of the comparison.  There is also an awareness that the worldly feelings are illusory and transitory.  In part, it is a matter of focus.

What Matters in Life

I have mentioned it in this journal before, but I talked of the phrase in a meeting today have been reflecting on the comment that “nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all”.
I was taught that things like performance, what others thought of me and my intellectual achievements were pretty much the only things that mattered, a fear based approach which resulted in a great deal of angst.  The more I accomplished, the greater the angst.  Those things matter little, if at all.  The things that truly matter are things like relationships, love and compassion.  The more I develop those things within myself, the better and more peaceful I feel.  Those things have some eternal significance and come from God.  “Money, power and prestige”, come from humans and only have short term significance.

Friday, November 16, 2012

A Path With Heart

It felt like a very solid day and I feel firmly rooted on my path.  However, paradoxically, I’m not sure what that path is beyond being strongly connected to God, asking for guidance, doing the next right thing and being of service.  I do not feel attached to much of anything in the created order.  I also have no idea where my path will lead me.  My path has no firm boundaries, limits or direction, and that is excellent, but a little strange.
I had four clients today.  I clearly “comforted the afflicted” with the first and “afflicted the comfortable” with the last two. The second was a mix.  All actions were taken with the utmost love respect and I had a good connection with each.  I was a good conduit today!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Connection With All Things

I have been reading a book called Wolfkiller which consists of stories and wisdom of a Navajo sheepherder from early in the 20th century.  His stories and wisdom were, in turn, passed down to him from his mother and grandfather, through their oral tradition.  He lived close to the earth.  Through his stories it becomes quite clear that he realized and treasured the knowledge that we are all connected to everything and everybody.  It is also quite apparent that knowing of that connection changed his life and made it quite beautiful and fulfilling.  Knowledge of that connection changed his general attitude and the way he interacted with the world around hin.  I too value that connection.  There is a love and respect for all things there and knowing of that connection has also changed my life dramatically.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Understanding is not Required

When I say “understanding is not required”, it is an acknowledgment that I do not need to thoroughly understand something intellectually.  As in the last entry, my accepting a very limited, and totally non-intellectual understanding is based on love and faith, not intellect.  Pursuing a thorough, intellectual understanding would be fear based and would very likely detract from or completely eliminate the spiritual experience.  As several workers in the field have realized, scientific analysis and an attempt at a thorough understanding of spiritual things frequently conflicts with or eliminates spiritual events.  The intellect and the spiritual represent different paradigms and one cannot be used to evaluate the other, except in very simple ways.  For example, it is possible through scientific study to show that healing touch expedites healing in mice but not why or how.

Divine Assistance

We had a very strong lodge tonight and I was clearly “targeted” by the lodge, meaning the lodge, which is more closely connected with God than I am, had selected me as its target for special interest.  The targeting actually started before the ceremony and continued during.  Before the lodge began, the smaller and older of the two lodges on our property summoned me to it and had me place my hands on it so that it could better connect with me.  When I placed my hands on it and began to focus and be open, it began to do a combination of a transcendental healing and a “downloading” (the best description for how it feels) of information into me.  It was so intense I found it necessary to make contact only for a minute or so, before taking a break to walk around some.  While walking around, I was in a dazed state and only minimally connected to what we think of as reality.  I did the contact and walking around several times before lodge time.  During the ceremony, which was in the large lodge, the process continued in much the same way, but less intense so that my connection with reality was stronger and I was more able to interact.  Quite an honor!  I can’t say that I understood what took place but I do know that God and the lodge was helping me with my healing and helping me to be the person I wish.  Understanding is not required.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Beginning My Day Pre-dawn

Why get up at the insane hour of 2:00 A.M.?  The short, and somewhat glib, but true answer is because that is the time I am awakened and urged to start my prayer and meditation.  The fact is I never use an alarm and once when I was on heavy medication that should have kept me under for several more hours, I still woke up/was awakened at that time.  I am then ready to start my day and unable to get back to sleep.  When I was working full time, I only got up at 4-5:00.
A longer, and more complete answer is that the pre-dawn hours are a sacred time, for me and others.  Walsch puts it well, when he writes: “In the stillness, you will find your true being.  In the silence you will hear the breathing of your soul ---- and of God.  I have told you many times, and I tell you here again: You will find Me in the stillness.”  (Communion with God, by Neale Donald Walsch).  In short, it is when I make my best connection with life, my own soul and God.  I also find that if I start my day that way, I can carry it with me through the day.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Human Potential

Two days ago I spoke of re-introducing a young man to B2B and my doubts about the outcome of that process.  I used my connection and faculties carefully and well.  I felt strongly that my approach was right for all those concerned.  I just did not know what the outcome would be.  As is often the case, the action was up to me but the outcome was not.  I found out today that it was a very positive experience for all, with an outcome that far exceeded my hopes.
I was working with the same young man today.  We were talking about some alternative healing techniques and touched on the Noetic Sciences, which promote alternative healing and the general development of human potential.  My day-to-day practices, mentioned above, and my use of alternative healing techniques, remind me that human potential is way beyond what we think it is.  I think I just scratch the surface and the results frequently blow me away.  I also know that the main things that hold me back are me and my beliefs.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Beyond My Understanding

Earlier in the week a friend told me that he had connected with his soul/essence during meditation, as I had suggested he do.  He said that he received some information that was very profound, but he did not remember what it was, a feeling I am very familiar with.  It feels like the information is more than my conscious mind can handle and that the content cannot be expressed using the words and concepts that I know.
I had that feeling in the lodge tonight.  I was warned/told that something would happen to get my attention and that I should be alert and receptive (I have to admit that part of me thought “oh no!!”).  The first stone that came in landed in the pit right in front of me, split open to show its heat and redness and almost left the pit in my direction.  It scared me and definitely got my attention.  Once that happened, I spent the rest of the lodge experiencing the feeling I described in the previous paragraph.  I have complete confidence that the information I received will change my behavior and that I may understand it some day.  Good enough for me!

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Prayer & Meditation in the Morning

In the meeting tonight, as is often the case, it was acknowledged that spending time doing some sort of meditative activity like dog walking or sitting, just after getting up, even if only for a few minutes, sets a very positive and peaceful tone for the day.  Starting the day with some sort of prayer and meditation.  Hearing that at meetings is why I started doing it and I certainly agree that beginning my day that way, changes my day dramatically.  It was also widely acknowledged that most people either do not do it or struggle with it.  For example, they set their alarm a bit early and when it goes off they press the pause button until it is too late to take the time for peaceful meditation.  What I just described puzzles me a bit.  What I did was recognize the benefits of beginning my day with prayer and meditation and disciplined myself to do it.  Now I enjoy it and do it each day, without questioning.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Placebo Effect

Today I returned, once again, to the psychic healer that I go to in Oak Creek Village, near Sedona.  I was also reflecting on what most people refer to as the “placebo effect”, that results when trials are performed on potential medications.  It’s the effect that taking a sugar pill can have on the body, if a person believes that pill to be the actual medication.  To many people the placebo effect is just thought of a the imaginary effect of a sugar pill.  To me it simply demonstrates that the mind can and does have an effect on the physiological processes going on in the body.  I go to the psychic healer because another person’s mind, like the healer, can also impact on my own physiological processes.  We are connected.
I usually use a guided meditation of a lemon for the recovering people I work with.  In that meditation, I have them visualize a ripe, juicy lemon, which I have them cut into quarters and then bite down on.  The effect is almost always increased salivation and often being able to smell the lemon or have their mouth pucker up.  It is only a thought, there is no lemon, yet they have a strong and noticeable physiological response.  The response is not imaginary, though I find that some people think of it that way.
I have been using the placebo effect for many years to my benefit!

Monday, October 22, 2012

A Quiet Day

A quiet day of exercise, introspection and interaction with Maria, my wife.  I did my regular getting up at 2:00, spiritual activities until 4:00 and zoning until 6:00.  I spent the rest of the morning exercising, interspersed with computer work.
My introspection involved several periods of meditation and contemplation.  At first I checked myself for any fears or other feelings that I was trying to hide from.  I encountered minimal fear, some impatience with my disability, gratitude that my disability is as minor as it is and some self-doubt about the actual impact of the things I do, an interesting mix of feelings.  Most of my meditative time is spent on sorting through the events of the last several days.  I do this last by allowing my consciousness to drift over the events in an unstructured and non-sequential way.  I just observe the feelings come and go, without grasping or pushing them away.
I realize now that I interact with Maria in much the same way that I do my meditation and contemplation.  I don’t talk much since talking is difficult for me, but during the day we touch on a variety of topics, usually briefly.  I let the thoughts and feelings come and go without grasping or pushing them away.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Scientific Reality Versus Intuitive Reality

At my recovery meeting today one of my friends brought up that he was now beginning to explore his intuitive, psychic side, after spending his life believing only in the linear, logical, cause and effect side.  I congratulated and encouraged him!  I have a Ph.D. and was trained as a scientist to only really consider that logical, linear, cause and effect side.  One of the primary reasons I moved on from that approach was the realization that science was very practical, but could only elucidate a small portion of reality.  I wanted to explore, understand and live in a world that included things I could not “see, touch, feel”.  Trying to apply scientific inquiry to the intuitive, psychic, faith based side, simply does not work, much of the time.  They each represent different paradigms.  Each is quite real and valid, within its limits.  The intuitive, psychic, faith based side has saved my life and is largely responsible for making my life fulfilling.  I use them both, daily and at different times.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Universal Conduit

Some time ago, I was watching the movie Constantine, starring Keanu Reeves and he referred to water as the “universal conduit”.  That particular line/message really stood out to me during the movie and I knew to pay attention.  I have found water to be a very good conduit to “All That Is’, God or whatever you wish to call it.  I use the hot tub as part of my 2:00 A.M. morning ritual.  I find it really effective for personal healing and connection with God.  Partly because of the time of day and partly because of the conduit property of the water, that soak is my strongest meditation and connection each day.  I look forward to it.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Dealing With Fear

I spent a good portion of the day identifying and dealing with/feeling fear.  I experienced a visceral, almost nauseating feeling that something major, on a broad scale and extremely unpleasant is about to happen.  As usual, my fear is that I will not be able to cope with the change when/if it comes.  I generally refer to my fear as “galloping fear”, since it can basically fasten to anything (finances, relationships, future events, etc.).  Again, as usual, the fear feels very real, and I treat it as real, but the fact is that it has no real substance.  The event may not happen and the fear only happens in advance, when I think about the coming event, never when I am actually going through it. What I do is go into meditation, focus on the fear and let it flood my body, a very unpleasant feeling.  The feeling is very familiar at this point and I just let it go on until it dissipates.  The feeling is very strong and real, it is also illusory.

Friday, October 12, 2012


I have been carefully molded, that is clear.  In many ways I am different than my peers and in other ways, I am just like them.  I walk in two worlds, this transient one, and the “other side”, the eternal one.  Many people have walked this path before and I thank them for their guidance.  I “play my piano and sing my little song”, meaning I go on being Charlie.
I just met briefly with one of my sponsees.  I was instantly, totally focused and connected with him and God.  It was not something I tried to do.  It happened automatically with no volition on my part.  At other times, I have actually tried to resist this sort of transition, thinking I was too tired.  I could not.  It is a magical experience and profound healing can and does take place.  Others feel it to and respond thinking I am doing it.  I am just being a listening conduit to God.  I also sweat profusely, my nose runs and it is exhausting to do it more than a couple of hours without a break.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Relationships Matter

Today I did lots of connecting and interacting, in a variety of settings.  A wonderful day.  I am reminded of what I learned in early recovery, that “nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all”.  Most material things in the created order fall in the second category, they don’t matter at all, in the long view.  Love and relationships are the only things that matter and they matter a lot.  However, considering eternity and the universal, any one specific relationship is not critical.  I use “Would I care about this if I were on my deathbed” as my measure of importance.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Healing Touch

When I performed a healing yesterday, I accessed the transcendental (beyond words and intellect) love/God energy that I was first taught about in the sweat lodge, when it was used on me to heal a burn.  What I do is recall the feeling of that time, and other similar times, fill myself with that energy, funnel the feeling into my hands and then transmit it to the other person.  I also use the same healing technique on myself, at least twice each day.  The results are quite remarkable, some say miraculous.  On myself, I have healed several conditions that, typically, would require surgery.  On others the results have been similar.  Sometimes the results are immediate, sometimes long-term, sometimes nothing happens.  I act as a conduit and the outcome is not up to me.
When I first began doing healing work, I would access the feeling of unconditional love in the manner described above.  I would visualize various items that evoked that feeling, like babies, small children or favorite pets.  After several years I began to access the powerful, supportive feelings associated with sacred sites I had visited, like Chaco Canyon, the Black Hills, Bear Butte, the Grand Canyon or the San Francisco Peaks.  I found the healing power of the sacred sites to be stronger than unconditional love.  I now use the transcendental energy mentioned above, since I have found it to be strongest.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Achieving Happiness

I encountered a man today that made it quite clear that he was very smart, a doctor and had all the answers.  He knew that the main reason his life was not working, was because others did not understand things the way he did.  He was also not happy and his son was distant, angry and drug dependent.  He was in a trap made for him by his own intellect, a totally miserable place to be.  I have been in a similar “trap”, having done everything that my culture and upbringing said would make me happy, and still being miserable.  I cannot speak for him but I was also bewildered and confused, since I had done everything “right” and still felt terrible.  It actually felt like the more I accomplished, the worse I felt, definitely not what I expected!
I did not achieve happiness until I took my intellect off of its pedestal, and put my focus on love, connection, compassion and understanding. That switch sounds easy and straightforward when I write about it, it was not.  The switch to a “softer” way of life took a lot of strength and courage.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Pain, useful but unpleasant

I have experienced a great deal of physical pain since my diagnosis with cerebellar degeneration in 1988.  My level of pain caused me to sweat, have rapid and shallow breathing and caused my heart rate to rise.  I did not enjoy it!  However, the pain did have long-lasting and positive results in that it was purgative and unitive, as Christians would say. My pain and near death experiences were purgative in that they caused me to let go of my attachments to most (all?) transient things within the created order.  Very cleansing.  I found my pain to be unitive in that my connection (prayer of silence, meditation, contemplation) with God, what I learned and the strength I got was the only thing that reduced the pain and made it bearable.
I have come to rely on infused prayer daily to provide me with the strength and knowledge to keep participating in life and being of service to those around me.  Quite honestly, I don’t think this life would have been possible without the pain or the “dark nights” that St. John describes.
The resultant connection with God and my current way of life, cause me to think that my pain was worth what I went through.  My pain, near death experiences and dark nights of the soul have been very effective at stripping away everything other than the eternal truths of selfless love, compassion, inclusiveness and the oneness of all things.  I don’t think my realizations and increased connection could have been accomplished any other way, in my case.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Balancing Male and Female Sides

There is a general imbalance of the male and female side in most people and that imbalance causes a lot of difficulty. What I have learned as the male side is very logical, linear, fairly concrete, aggressive and likes material things. The female side, on the other hand, is full of feeling, diffuse, intuitive, fairly passive and likes relationships. Our culture tends toward the male side, and so did I until I was around forty. My own imbalance caused me to feel incomplete and a bit hollow inside and I had no clue why since I kept pursuing what my culture told me would make me complete. Right now, I embrace both. I have learned to take delight in my intuitive, feeling, relationship side. I use them both daily, in pretty much everything I do. This approach is messier than the purely male approach, but a great deal more fulfilling.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Loving the Whole Person

A few years ago a friend of mine died.  He wanted to be considered a guiding light and a spiritual leader in our recovery community and, at the same time, he knew that view of him was based partially on illusion.  People then and now idolized him and he loved it when they quoted him at meetings.  On the other hand, I watched him steal some books from the Quaker meeting house where we hold some of our meetings.  I then encountered his anger and rage when I confronted him about the theft.  Later, he asked to work with me since he knew something was wrong in his life.  Through our talk it became quite apparent that he was distorting his past and, in part, living a lie.  He then made it quite clear that he intended to continue living the lie.  A short time after that he indicated that he would like to have lunch with me, but then declined to do so since I would tend to “pop his bubbles”.  In short, he was a very good man and also very complex and human.  I prefer to love and remember the whole man, not just the illusion that he and others would like to promote.  The illusion is simpler but not as real or complete.  I was able to connect with the whole man and, though it made him uneasy, he and I honored that.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012


I attended a meeting today that was about the difficulty of dealing with the clients I work with, young men in early recovery from addictions to various drugs and alcohol.  Generally, they lie, manipulate, are extremely self-centered and have frequent emotional out-bursts.  They are difficult to work with, but I enjoy the challenge and realize that I used to be much the same way.  I spend a great deal of time each day on self-care, in order to maintain a high level of ability to connect with these young men without judging them or losing myself in the process.

At that meeting was a close friend who knows how much I do each day in order to maintain my equanimity.  He asked “Is it worth it?”, a very good question.  I did not even know it was possible to achieve the level of connection that I achieve with these young men and, through that connection, I am able to change their lives.  So, in answer to his question and in order to do what I do, I would say “yes”.  However, for other people in different circumstances, the answer would probably be “no”.  There is a whole range of options between being totally wrapped up in the material world and the relatively monastic life I lead.  The best choice for most people would be one of those options.

Monday, August 27, 2012


I went to a movie today.  It was a pretty silly human interest story with chase scenes and some violence, engaging and entertaining and a good break from life's intensity.

Tonight it hit me that very soon, perhaps within six months or a year, my chewing difficulties will be part of the past.  The chewing problems have been part of my reality for the last two years.  The problems started out as quite intense and constant and now are only at mealtimes and pretty moderate, but still troubling.  When this first happened, I asked for the strength to deal with it and to be taught what I needed to know to change it.  I was given both.  I have been guided, through meditation, to use a variety of mind-body healing techniques, such as described in the first entry this month.  They have worked, though not as quickly as I would like.

When I realized the problems would be gone soon I felt a mixture of immense gratitude and some sadness.  Such life changes always seem to be associated with some sadness because of moving on.  I experience the same sort of sadness whenever a period of connection/interaction is over, like working with a family for a couple of hours or participating in the fellowship before, during and after one of my recovery meetings.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Creation and Treatment of Sacred Sites

Much has been made of the conflict between the idea of snow making using recycled water on the San Francisco Peaks versus those that oppose it based on the peaks being sacred land.  Apparently the only reason to pursue snow making is to promote skiing, recreation and making money.  I generally stay clear of this sort of argument, since, to me, it seems to serve no purpose in my life, other than to stir up drama, which I don't need.  The reason I choose to consider the topic is that the subject has come up with my friends and within the sweat lodge.  To me, the question of what is best for the people, this planet and God/spirits, is important.

As far as I can tell, all land is sacred.  The designation of certain pieces of land as sacred is similar to designating certain days of the year as more important than others.  In that such designation promotes awareness, it is a good thing, if a little silly.  I find the emphasis on money and material pursuits over treating the planet as a sacred and limited resource, to be very disturbing.
God and the spirits exist within the absolute of love, compassion and connectedness.  Within that absolute there is no question of desecrating the earth the way humans have been doing.  The issue simply does not come up, if a person follows the absolute.  We tend to be self-centered, entitled and short-sighted as a species.  God and the spirits seem to know that.  Isn’t that part of being human?

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Awareness and Progress

Today has been a day of physical awareness.  My awareness is frequently increased on days when I have significant pain.  Today it is nerve pain (deep and burning) in my right shoulder and arm.  I don't know what I did, but I must have pinched the nerve or moved wrong.  At any rate, it will pass with time and I just need to take it easy with that arm for a few days.

On the plus side, I notice that my chewing is getting easier.  I don t bite myself nearly as often and my jaw is much more relaxed when I chew.  Small daily progress, but with progress the end result is not in question.  It is taking longer than I would like, but that is the way of things.

Friday, August 24, 2012

The Benifits of Connection

A great day!  I was able to stay very strongly connected while working with a family that was largely burned out by dealing with the addiction of their son, my primary client.  Through the process of deep listening, my own intuition and the guidance I received, I was able to reach the various members of the family and give them a more human and compassionate understanding of the disease.  I think it will help my client, and the rest of the family, heal.

We had a sweat lodge tonight to welcome back Maria, my wife, after her vision quest.  I was guided to pour and then, while pouring, to make it fairly hot.  The group protested, somewhat jokingly, somewhat not, that I was pouring too much and making it to hot.  I heard myself say, very forcefully, “Look, I m not going to turn my back on a power that saved my life!”.  That statement and feeling was the reason it was important for me to pour.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Communicating With Spirits

Just prior to the sweat, yesterday, it was raining fairly hard.  I tried communicating and negotiating with the storm in order to stop the rain and have a sweat lodge.  The negotiating involves first joining with the spirit of the lodge and then connecting with the weather/storm.  The whole process needs to be done with respect, love and humility and also with the objective of being of service, not for any selfish motive.  With all that in mind, it is then possible to communicate that intent to the storm and request that it hold off from 2:00 to 7:00.  I have heard of others (Native Americans) doing this sort of thing and have been doing it periodically for several years.  Last night, it then stopped raining for the period of the lodge and a bit more and then it rained all night.  Perhaps coincidence, but similar things have happened repeatedly, before.  I would like some method to be sure something is happening, but perhaps I am just being a silly member of my culture. "Understanding is not required"!

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

The Sweat Lodge, Love and Connection

We had a sweat lodge for the young, early recovery guys from Back2Basics, some of whom I have as clients.  For most of them, it was their first sweat experience.  It s a bit hard to explain, but if a person transcends the physical discomfort of the lodge, it is possible to feel strongly the sense of connection, love and compassion that I have described elsewhere.  If you are in a dark confined space with several others focusing on the same thing, it can be a truly awesome and magical experience.  I know of no other way to achieve that feeling, regularly, for most people.  I achieve it daily through meditation and it can also be achieved in very intimate groups, when a sacred space is established.  At any rate, they all seemed to get there and were very moved by the experience.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Waking Up the Demon

While working with a client, he stated that he had blown up in anger at another person and that it did not feel good.  I commented that it did not feel good to “wake up the demon”, which is exactly what it feels like to me.  I also suggested that he approach the person he blew up at, apologize, express caring and compassion and provide some minimal explanation of his behavior.  Techniques I have used to put the “demon” back to sleep.

Earlier in the day a friend was talking to me about having observed someone else call his x-wife, “you f - ing bi –“.  No one deserves to be talked to like that.  Yet I have said similar things, and still have the capability inside me, if enough hurt and fear is applied.  The demon used to be very close to the surface and I would express it frequently.  Now I generally conduct myself with love, compassion and understanding and the demon is deep inside and never acted on.  As far as I can tell, we all have the capability of either and our behavior depends on which part we choose to “feed”.  People do not hurt other people unless they have been hurt, themselves.

Monday, August 20, 2012

The Fear of Change

Today, I am scared.  My work schedule has changed.  I am doing more.  I feel like more is being asked of me, by God and I have not been able to access that strong feeling washing over me and saying “everything is going to be O.K., I am with you”.  I know that I am the one preventing that feeling, because of my own fear.  The feeling of things being all right is not there and the fear is.  I also know that this will pass, but the feeling of fear persists.  Writing about it and simply being with the fear helps, a lot.  I begin to get glimpses of that feeling of everything being in divine order, being just a tool and not in control of much of anything.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

The Honor of Being Treated Like a Puppy

We had a sweat lodge last evening and I left after three of the four rounds due to some exhaustion and beginning cramping.  Long experience has taught me that I would feel quite a bit worse as soon as I left the lodge.  I did.  One of the participants had brought their dog, a large female mastiff. When I left the lodge and began to lay down, she nudged and nosed me to check if I was alright, which she has done many times in the past.  On this occasion, she persisted in her nudging and then gently (for a large dog!) tried to get me to play.  She was treating me like one of her puppies - quite an honor!  It is quite an experience to connect with another animal the way I do with other people.  I finally covered myself with a blanket to stop her and she laid down next to me, pushing her body against mine and we both just laid there.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

We Are Not in Control

It is certainly not unusual but I work with a person who seems to like to think he is in charge of maintaining order in his own personal life and with respect to events in his work life.  He seems most comfortable when things are going according to his plans and gets noticeably agitated when they do not.  I can certainly identify with his approach since I used to be that way.  Before recovery I was quite a bit more extreme in my desire to have events fit my plans.  During recovery I have experienced increasing faith and trust along with a decreasing desire for events to fit my plans.  At this point, I choose to believe that we are not in charge of much of anything.  That way I can live in the moment, without the stress of trying to control things and with maximal acceptance coupled with minimal expectations.  Desire to control still comes up periodically, which I find to be a somewhat amusing indication of my humanity.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Symbolic Resolution of my Alligator Dream

Without having made a conscious choice on my part, beyond getting in better shape, my spiritual alligators are now swimming around and I am feeding them and caring for them, without knowing what that means.  Faith??  Understanding is not required.

I was a bit surprised by the strength and intensity of the feeling of love and affection that I felt for the alligators/crocodiles as I cared for them during the meditation.  The feeling just washed over me and reminded me of the same feeling I get often during the day when interacting with someone, being hugged by a tree, embraced by sacred herbs or a variety of other things.  A magical feeling that I did not know about until my close connection with what I call God.  I have only felt that feeling before due to my interactions with God.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Symbolic, Spiritual Alligators

Last night I had another dream about my grandfather’s pond, a dream symbol for my spiritual condition.  In the dream the water was very clear and the pond was large and deep, suggesting that I am being very open and clear as a channel for the God power.  Unfortunately, there were also five alligators (I keep saying/thinking alligator, but they were slender, like crocodiles).  They were all suspended above the pond where the stone wall and big tree used to be, near the dam.  At any rate, I threw dirt wads at one of them in order to wake him up and he did.  He dropped into the pond, swam near me as I laid on the path on the house side of the dam and then I woke up.  There was a definite feeling of forbidding like with the snake vision. Between the rattlesnake and the alligator, I suspect I am doing something not healthy for my spirituality.  Perhaps becoming too comfortable and complacent.

Maria suggested that I actually needed to wake up all five alligators, that there is a lot of power there.  She is right, though I know little beyond that.  I am fearful of waking them up.  I have misused power in the past and I am wary of doing so again.  All I know at this point is that I need to be less passive and be more aggressive about getting in better shape, physically, which will have an impact spiritually/emotionally.  Also I need to look into the possibility of a reciprocal therapy license in MD.  Each is proactive and goes along with the possibility of relocating, instead of taking a purely passive role.  This puts me in a strange situation, since I am totally happy with my situation here!

Sunday, August 12, 2012

The Importance of Sorting Time

A quiet day, no clients, I began by doing exercises, cleaning bathrooms, doing paperwork, in preparation for tomorrow and set up the splitter for the next lodge.  I “split wood and carried water” (Zen saying), a good, solid, grounding day.  As I generally do, I also spent a fair amount of time in quiet contemplation of my own process and the process of those lives I touch, what I call  sorting time , I find that a substantial portion of each day needs to be spent in the quiet solitude of sorting time.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Animal Visions

Last night I got up a bit before two AM, my regular time, and did some spiritual writing until just before four and then soaked/communed for a while in the hot-tube.  I then reclined in front of the stereo to listen to monotonous music with earphones and do some deep meditation and relaxation for about two more hours.  Sometime around five (some light was beginning) my meditation was interrupted by a rattling rattle snake right by my right ear.  It had to be an auditory vision, since there was no snake there.  I was quite startled and looked all over for it!  There was a definite feeling of forbidding and a need to pay attention.  I continued to look for the snake during the day and the next.  It reminds me of having “seen” a California Condor a couple of years ago, which was also not there, physically.  I looked for it for days and kept checking the paper, thinking that people would report a bird with a nine foot wingspan that does not live here. No one did.  I have come to realize that the Condor is a protector spirit of mine.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Men's Group, Love and Connection

We had our men's group tonight, seven of us.  We are a tight little group and we all care deeply about each other.  It amazes me how much individual and group strength can develop from the love and support of a close knit group like that.  As I pointed out tonight, the world could use more of this sort of thing.  The strength/power there costs nothing and includes no materialism, bells or whistles, but it leads to a sense of fulfillment one can find no other way.  It also makes distractions, drama and addictions unnecessary.  As the saints say, it is not possible to find that level of fulfillment through anything in the created order but I sure have tried!

Saturday, August 4, 2012

A Dream of Healing

Several days ago I had a dream/meditative vision that I was with a bunch of people and in the presence of a friend of mine in a coma from a serious accident.  He was in a bed in a coma and I was with him, while the others were near by, but not with us.  In the dream I was touching his hand and I performed a healing with him.  At that point of the dream, he opened his eyes and began to get well.  In real life, a day or two later he was moved from Phoenix back up to Flagstaff and given a few days to live.  Until today, I kept wondering if I should go to him and do a healing.  Then, after the meeting this morning another friend approached me and said that he wanted to talk about a vivid dream he had just had.  It was the same dream!  I took that as my answer about whether I should go, so I did.  I performed the healing and it was exactly like in the dream - except he did not open his eyes or begin to get well.  I just knew I needed to fulfill my part.  The rest is not up to me.  It was quite apparent to me that it was important for me to see my  friend and perform the healing.  The reasons for my actions are a mystery to me. As I have learned about such things “Understanding is not required”.

Friday, August 3, 2012


We had a sweat lodge tonight for someone returning from a vision quest and, at the end of the lodge, she spoke of her experience.  She was disappointed because the vision quest was not spectacular enough for her and there were several things during the quest that she did not have access to, though she tried.  I suggested that it was just the higher powers way of saying “you are not going to do this”.  I have gotten the same message many times.  As a result, I tend to accept any circumstance as just right the way it is, and not strive to achieve some additional goal that I set my sights on.  Setting my sights on some additional goal adds stress and takes me out of the moment.

Thursday, August 2, 2012


The meeting today was about tolerance or, as several people suggested, compassion, which has less of a tendency to imply superiority.  Compassion is one of those things that I have been granted or given, without striving for it.  It just seems like a less stressful and more loving approach to life's situations, though that never occurred to me before,  We are all involved in the human condition which means that we all have human flaws.  It feels much better for everyone if we have compassion for ourselves and each other.  I am reminded of a time this spring when a large, junker, pickup truck rear-ended me, causing considerable damage to my vehicle, none to his, and no injuries.  He was distressed at having caused the accident so I comforted him, putting my own stress aside and pointed out that no one was hurt and it was just an inconvenience.  My actions and words changed nothing but certainly made the situation less unpleasant for all, including the police who handled the call.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Holistic Healing Using Love

This morning I traveled down to Oak Creek Village to get worked on by a Medical Intuitive/Psychic Healer.  I was diagnosed with Cerebellar Degeneration in 1988.  At that point, I was told by several doctors at major hospitals that I would never get better and would continue to get worse.  Also at that point I had been getting noticeably worse for about twenty years and very rapidly worse for the prior six months.  I have gotten quite a bit better since then, contrary to what I was told would happen.  My disability stopped getting worse and started getting better the week I began practicing things like unconditional love, meditation, visualization and energy work.  I have never noticed my disability (primarily balance and coordination) getting worse, though I have had other problems.

I have also been dealing with what the neurologists call a dystonia since early 2006.  The dystonia got quite a bit worse late in 2010.  The dystonia is a major spasticity in my jaw which makes it very difficult to talk or chew.  It also causes me to bite my tongue and cheeks.  The biting used to be several times a day and is now every couple of weeks.  I used to not be able to relax my jaw at all.  It was in constant motion, even when trying to sleep.  Now it is relaxed except when eating or talking.  Once again, the medical profession could do nothing to help the dystonia beyond offering me palliative pain medication, Botox and muscle relaxants.  Also once again, I used alternative techniques, more intensely and added the healer mentioned above.  The results have been positive but not immediate.

For obvious reasons, I now believe in the mind-body connection and the power of love and connection to heal.  I would be silly not to.  I have also taught these techniques to several others, with similar results.