Monday, October 22, 2012

A Quiet Day

A quiet day of exercise, introspection and interaction with Maria, my wife.  I did my regular getting up at 2:00, spiritual activities until 4:00 and zoning until 6:00.  I spent the rest of the morning exercising, interspersed with computer work.
My introspection involved several periods of meditation and contemplation.  At first I checked myself for any fears or other feelings that I was trying to hide from.  I encountered minimal fear, some impatience with my disability, gratitude that my disability is as minor as it is and some self-doubt about the actual impact of the things I do, an interesting mix of feelings.  Most of my meditative time is spent on sorting through the events of the last several days.  I do this last by allowing my consciousness to drift over the events in an unstructured and non-sequential way.  I just observe the feelings come and go, without grasping or pushing them away.
I realize now that I interact with Maria in much the same way that I do my meditation and contemplation.  I don’t talk much since talking is difficult for me, but during the day we touch on a variety of topics, usually briefly.  I let the thoughts and feelings come and go without grasping or pushing them away.