Balance

I just re-read my post of two days ago and realize that I have been focused for two days on finding that honest and humble balance between self-deprecation and believing in myself which I wrote about. I now feel balanced and have re-committed, confidently to my spiritual path. It took talking openly about that conflict and balance with my wife and at recovery meetings. I also wrote about it, meditated asked for guidance. "To get we must also give, to advance we must also surrender, to gain we must lose, to attain we must resign. From the nature of things life means choice and selection, and every positive choice negates all other possibilities." (Rufus Jones)

Self-concept

I am struggling with my attempt at staying "right-sized" or balanced in such a way that I not hold myself back from being "all I can be" while also accepting any human fears and weaknesses. I fully realize that with God’s help and guidance I am much more than I was and can now do things that others think impossible. On the other hand I have underlying and long-standing difficulties with self-deprecation and even self-hatred which I picked up in my developmental years. The trick or balance for me is to allow both opposites to exist without holding the development of myself back in any way.

One-ness

Today I was having a lot of difficulty with muscle spasms and the associated pain which is a common problem with my disability. As part of my reducing the pain as much as possible I exercised while focusing on the feeling of one-ness with all that is and harmony. During my periods of meditation in addition to one-ness and harmony I focused acceptance of my condition. The result is far less pain though I am not done and need to keep it up.