Honesty

In order to see “things as they are” and “rest in the present moment” I need to acknowledge that in spite of my efforts to be balanced, I overdid things yesterday and paid the price with muscle spasms and disturbed sleep last night.  I feel the need to admit that in spite of the fine words I wrote yesterday — I still have work to do!  I’m not blaming or chastising myself in any way, I simply feel that loving honesty helps me be at peace,  "When we let go of our battles and open our heart to things as they are, then we come to rest in the present moment  This is the beginning and end of spiritual practice." (Jack Kornfield)

Balance

I find that a balanced approach to living is something I still need to consciously think of and that the balanced approach to any activity will not feel as natural and comfortable as an all-or
-nothing, black-and-white approach.  For example today I will do some exercise rather than my full two hour workout.  I will cut up some chicken and vegetables in preparation for making soup tomorrow rather than exhausting myself by making the soup all at once.  Similarly, I will do some garden work rather than exhausting myself and doing more.  I will also do some resting and meditating (balance) while if I did not take that time I could certainly get more done (unbalanced).  "Sooner or later we have to learn to let go and allow the changing mystery of life to move through us without our fearing it, without holding and grasping." (Kornfield)

Patience

Last night and this morning I have been watching my own conflicting thoughts and feelings concerning my level of patience with my recovery process.  I have also been chuckling with that loving parental attitude of a parent watching a silly but growing child.  When I began focusing healing energy on my disability I was reminded by the powers that be, that it took me five years to progress from needing crutches to using a cane — so if I was going to approach my disability I would need patience.  Right now I do not know what the outcome will be and I do not know a time scale.  I am good with that and quite content to know it will take a while.  I also note that any change in my abilities produces fear because it is a change and I do not know where it will lead.  I feel impatient because it’s taking so long and gratitude that it is happening at all.  So I have conflicting feelings and I need to keep in mind that feelings are not rational — and chuckle.