Meditation

Today, in addition to working with a client, exercising and paying bills, I did a few hours of quiet meditation.  The meditation I did was not oriented at any particular topic, question or even the observing my thoughts like in mindful meditation.  I just relaxed and allowed my thoughts to come and go, letting them sort themselves out.  Before the meditation I felt emotionally “congested”, a feeling that I no longer have.  The feeling of clear flow is back.

Perspective

One of the realities that is quite apparent to me is that I am very different from the norm of the people around me.  This awareness is particularly pronounced when I am with a group of Friends from the Quaker meeting, as I was today.  I feel comfortable with them since they are very interested in spiritual matters, but they are also firmly rooted in the trials and tribulations of this earthly existence.  I, on the other hand, am firmly rooted in the spiritual existence and consider earthly matters to be minor and very short-lived.  Both views are totally valid but different.

Fear Versus Love

I lived a life based on fear for many years; fear of not performing well enough, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, etc.  I also had high blood pressure, an ulcer, active alcoholism and did not sleep well.  It took me several years to realize that fear was illusory vapor, that I was not protecting myself and that I was expending needless energy.  I now lead a life based on love.  A simple choice that took considerable introspection and growth.  I have low blood pressure, a good digestive system and sleep like a stone.  I like where my spiritual connection has taken me!

Balance

During the past several days I have participated in numerous conversations revolving around the fact that much of what people say and do in this culture is based on fear rather than love, an approach to life that I was certainly taught during my formative years.  For example, the news reports and peoples discussions frequently involve problems and some sort of negative event(s) that could result, feeding fear.  On the other hand, it is possible to acknowledge the problems while also noting some positive events and considering behavioral choices that would “increase the integrity of the universe”, an approach that is more balanced and that I use when I am confronted by life.

A Love & Faith Based Approach

This morning, while waiting for a movie, I realized that I had forgotten to do one of the things necessary for my continued licensing. I began to go into a fear spiral, imagining and projecting all manner of negative future consequences.  Then, I realized what I was doing, entering into & feeding the fear rather than staying secure in the knowledge that everything would be fine, a more love based view.  I then reversed my view & enjoyed the movie.  When I got home, a simple phone call took care of the problem & I will have to pay a very minor fine.

Being A Tool

Normally, the day after a family weekend, like today, I feel emotionally drained and in need of a lot of self-care.  Today, I just felt very spiritually connected and energized all day.  As usual, the feeling of being connected was very enjoyable and almost manic.  One of the comments I made to Maria is that when I am strongly connected it is like my self-will just dissolves and goes away, a strange feeling.  I am just a tool and good with that.

Listeninng

Late this afternoon was the closing ceremony for this family weekend and I was wondering if I should attend.  Earlier in the afternoon, I worked with one of the families earlier during the afternoon, so I was pretty tired.  Before the ceremony I heard “be present and listen”, so I went.   Not surprisingly, my presence was appreciated by the families and I was glad I was present.  It feels harmonious to simply do what I am told.