Growth

As I said in my last entry, two days ago, "I am always on new spiritual and emotional ground, always striving" to be the best person I can be, which sounds simple — but is not. When I look back in my history I find many discouraging interactions with people of all ages and levels of authority over me. Many people attempted to hold me back, sometimes "for my own good" or my safety when I was feeling overly enthusiastic. I now expect that and tend to hold myself back at times. I strive to be free of past disappointment and just move forward. "People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, It never was between you and them anyway. (Mother Theresa)

Comfort

"Comfort is not part of Charlie" were the words I spoke a few years ago about my way of life. The fact is that I am always on new spiritual and emotional ground, always striving, so that I am never comfortably at rests. When younger, I did strive to achieve comfort through various material and worldly means only to be disappointed at how short lived and illusory the comfort was. I do feel a strong sense of joy and peace that I did not before, just not comfort.

Surrender

In our reading group yesterday the main topic was the spiritual significance of suffering and I commented that I gave every appearance of suffering, but was not because of the joy, peace love and eternity I lived within. I made the point that I had had a great deal of pain, which had resulted in ever deeper levels of surrender to the Love and eternity of God. I did not enjoy the pain when I was going through it, but I love the results. "To get we must also give, to advance we must also surrender, to gain we must lose, to attain we must resign. From the nature of things life means choice and selection, and every positive choice negates all other possibilities." p 46, Rufus Jones