Choices

I have made several obviously negative choices in my life, choices that involved lying, stealing, drug use and various illegal activities. I have also made some negative choices that appeared upright on the surface such as taking a job because of increased pay or following a career path of intellectual achievement while turning my back on life fulfillment, spirituality and love. None of those negative choices had any impact on the level of Love and support from God. I now watch others in my life make negative choices usually leading to some sort of short-term self-gratification. I can do no less than love, support and respect. "These chapters [1^st 3 of Genesis] tell a story, and through that story is revealed the agonizing discovery of our human freedom— our freedom to choose between god and evil, and not only freedom to choose but the imperative laid upon us to choose the good daily, or inevitably fall into evil."

Creative Force

During a "sweat lodge" ceremony today I, once again, connected with that "intense, physical sensation of unconditional love, a warm glow just below my heart center", which I wrote of toward the end of last month. the sensation that I was shown during a near-death-experience, quite a gift. Today I was told that feeling of love was the creative force behind "everything we see and touch". When I heard that I thought "say what!?" and I am still trying to wrap my head around it. For now I will continue to enjoy focusing on that feeling when I meditate.  "According to Thomas, Jesus says that this primordial light not only brought the entire universe into being but still shines through everything we see and touch." "Jesus said, ‘I am the light which is before all things. It is I who am all things. From me all things came forth, and to me all things extend. Split a piece of wood, and I am there; lift up the stone, and you will find me.’" (from the gospel of Thomas)

Choice

Today I am very aware that, as Loring wrote, "To undertake to live a discerned life, to endeavor daily to be attuned to authentic movements of the Spirit leading us into greater fullness of life, is a strenuous undertaking." Similarly, yesterday I wrote that "Choosing the spiritual path certainly requires discipline and daily choosing ---- which I do gladly and reap the benefits". Those benefits include a wonderful, engaging life and much better health than would be predicted given my disability (so much so that Drs. keep changing my diagnosis!). I keep talking and writing about the benefits, encouraging others to begin the discipline required.

Choice

Yesterday I wrote of "my very human frailties, my ‘all conditions’". I also commented that I choose to not act on those conditions. Dealing with those conditions is a major part of the joy and challenge of life, the joy and challenge of free will. In the words of Gilbert Kilpack: "We want to be spiritually alive, but also to be comfortable; to be prayerful, but not to rise early in the morning to pray; to possess power to lead, but not to undergo the discipline that it takes to control the power." In my case, I actually prayed to see things as God does, having no idea that would necessitate giving up major portions of self and ego. Choosing the spiritual path certainly requires discipline and daily choosing ---- which I do gladly and reap the benefits.

A Gift

I identify very strongly with George Fox and other spiritual leaders who had strong, mystical connections with what I call God. "The Lord explained that it was needful that he [George Fox]’should have a sense of all conditions’. How else should he learn ‘to speak to all conditions?’ Then followed the critical experience: ‘I saw the infinite love of God. I saw that there was an ocean of darkness and death, but an infinite ocean of light and love which flowed over the ocean of darkness. In that also I saw the infinite love of God; and I had great openings." (John Yungblut). I too am very aware of my humanity, my very human frailties, my "all conditions". I simply do not act on those conditions, I just feel them and apologize when they manage to creep into my behavior. I am also aware and have felt and experienced the "infinite ocean of light" he speaks of and I act accordingly. It feels like an overwhelming gift that I can carry the sense of that ocean during my daily activities.

Changing Perspective

Many years ago I set as my life goal to "change the world", which I selected knowing it was grandiose and that it would occupy me for the rest of my life. Moving back east was part of that goal. In the process of pursuing that goal I find that I have a tendency to experience "anxiety over the state of the world, destructive human tendencies and my own physical condition", as I commented a few days ago. This is a fine example of my becoming overly involved in worldly things and feeling like I am "in charge". I’m not. And I really like the words of Gilbert Kilpack: "Seek not for faith to move mountains. Seek God first. Perhaps the mountains do not need moving, perhaps He will lift you up above the mountains which may be better than moving them.  Seek not pleasure neither of body nor of soul. This too is a gift, eluding those who seek it seek God, for He alone is able to give joy, which is infinitely finer than pleasure.  Seek not power, not even power to do great deeds. Seek God and Him alone, and power will flow from you in ways and times which are hidden from you."