Silence

I enjoy silence in the world around me.  External silence makes it easier to look inside to find out what I am thinking and/or feeling and it allows me to hear what God has to tell me.  Maria and I spend Thursday night at her mother’s and the people in that home enjoy constant technological noise from computers, TV and I-phones.  Last night I actually got to the point of craving silence so I went into a secluded room, turned out the light, closed the door and meditated while sitting on the floor, it was wonderful.  “When a peaceful silence lay over all, and the night had run half of her swift course, down from the heavens, from the royal throne, leapt your all powerful word.” (the book of Wisdom 18:14, 15)

Fear

Yesterday and the day before I was struggling with the fear of returning to my destructive, ego driven behavior of the past.  The fear has no basis in my current life but then it’s useful for me to recall that feelings are not rational and frequently have no validity.  It was useful for me to recall that I used to call it “galloping fear” since it switches quickly from one thing to another.  As I often advise others, I felt the fear as strongly as I could, gave it no validity and let it pass (like a fart).  I feel much better today and am able to deal with more computer problems.

Change

I am accustomed to and prefer to have a feeling of sameness and predictability for most of my life, which then allows me to deal with the parts of life that shift and change.  Right now I keep working on the self-healing I mentioned last month which involves working with karma, layers of self and God’s will for me.  As I work on them, through meditation, everything keeps shifting and that makes me uncomfortable and also increases my need for slowing down and self-care.  The day begins!