Recovery

Today I celebrated the anniversary of my recovery or abstinence from alcohol and illegal drugs.  I have been clean and sober for 35 years — incredible!, especially since I had no intention of staying sober for the rest of my life.  My main emphasis has always been maximizing my connection with the God of my understanding.  I have practiced prayer and meditation within Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, Navajo, Christianity and New Age and I keep encountering the same God using different language.  There seems to be no reason to fight or quarrel, sigh.

Courage to Change

Many years ago, I was discussing some aspect of my disability with my current PCP and she said “most people cannot do that!’ and my response was “well I can and will”.  We were talking about some aspect of my meditative and healing ability and I was stating clearly that I had both the ability and courage to change.  Today I feel the urge to say, once again, “I can and I will” regarding my current healing.  I am finding that the process does require a lot of courage since I keep encountering fear.  I have gotten comfortable with the way things are and now I am stirring them up.

Holistic Healing

I am working on self-healing of my disability and it is a complex issue with a mixture of layers of self-interest, karma and God’s will (some sort of universal plan or effects).  I have been dealing with each of them every night when I get up in the middle of the night.  I want to point out that I have healed many things in the past and found them to be relatively simple and straightforward but not this time.  For the last several nights I have been negotiating about God’s will and my impact on other people and spirits.  It is apparent that my physical condition or healing has an impact on others (and myself!) that will change with healing and I need to consider that.  Of course, I could also be imagining this whole thing — but I think not.