Retreat

Today and tonight I am making some last minute preparations for the spiritual retreat I will be leading for the next four days. The location is a small, simple house next to the Sea of Cortez in Mexico. It will be an intense period and a lot of work, but also exhilarating at times. I particularly enjoy being and meditating by the ocean during the hours around dawn - a sacred time for me.

Life

I just found out that my older sister is in the hospital, in intensive care, in a coma and under life support. They are doing tests to determine brain function and the doctors do not expect her to live. We are not very close but there is a definite love bond there and she is the last living member of my family, other than myself. Using the love-based side of myself (peace, connectedness, abundance and inclusiveness), which I mentioned yesterday, I experience and am open to the feelings of grief while also knowing that "the universe is unfolding as it should", meaning feeling good about life.

Choice

I have a choice between two very different sides to my personality or consciousness, either of which can motivate my daily actions. One side, which is largely fear-based, believes in things like anger, aggression, scarcity, separateness and competition. I spent many years operating out of that side and I am very aware of what that feels like and how true this side seems when living it. The other side, which is largely love based, believes things like peace, connectedness, abundance and inclusiveness. This side also feels quite true when living it and is much more enjoyable, less anxiety producing and more fulfilling.

Pain & Difficulties

Life is often difficult, a struggle or downright painful, as has been pointed out many times by various authors and spiritual leaders. I have certainly struggled and had some painful times. Taking a Buddhist approach, my efforts are to simply "be with" the pain or struggle, neither attaching to it like a badge of courage, trying to deny it or pushing it away. I am very much aware of the possibility mentioned by Newton that "Pain in life is especially insidious because it can block the healing power of our souls, especially if we have not accepted what is happening to us as a preordained trial." If I listen to what the pain is "telling" me and go where it is leading me, I generally end up with greater love, compassion and an improved spiritual connection. I make an effort to keep in mind that "Part of a spirit’s mission is to evolve through learning and growth. Some of this growth comes from the love, pain and physical experiences of the material world, which is why spirits incarnate into human form." (Anthony).