Respectful Listening

December 12, 2012
A day of contrasting views of me and my disability/speech impediment.  I spent my morning in various staff and clinical meetings.  My opinion was solicited many times and it was quite apparent that I was respected, though people found me hard to understand at times.  When I got home I found out that the electrical company I had called for a repair to the wiring for my hot-tub would not be coming out.  Maria had called them and they told her that they had a policy of not working on hot-tubs, so she got the name of another company.  I had called them two days earlier, explained the problem and asked if they were the correct people to call.  They said they would be out later that day.  They did not come or call.  It was as if they were thinking “tell him what he wants to hear and just get him off the phone.  He is not bright enough to make a problem for us, and he probably won’t even remember”, an attitude which I get often, usually in person, and the look and body language express that kind of sentiment, though I obviously don’t know what they were really thinking.  Later today we had a men’s group, where I was once again respected.  Both scenarios happen frequently and it certainly keeps me humble, and alert!  The negative response used to make me angry and I tried to counter it, to no avail, now I just take note.  Not many years ago, I would have responded to me and my speech much the same.  Respectful listening and compassion feel much better.

December 13, 2012
Quite a contrast to yesterday!  A guy came out to look at and fix the hot-tub.  He was very courteous and respectful.  He clearly went out of his way to be helpful and of service, very refreshing.

Being Mindful

Typically, I spend one day a week, Sunday, exercising, doing household things and relaxing.  As usual, I spend the first four or five hours, beginning at 2:00 A.M., with a combination of prayer, meditation and contemplation.  Today was that day.  The first part of the day is focused, vital and meaningful.  The rest of the day, the exercise part, is important since I am caring for my body, but I allow my brain to wander pretty freely and it is certainly entertaining to watch and not to be taken seriously.  I find that my brain can go from grandiose to self-deprecating in a heartbeat.  It is particularly dangerous when I get stuck at one extreme or the other.  Not a good time to make decisions.  Today I just wandered back and forth.  It is best for me to be mindful.

Working With Others

Today, I cried tears of extreme gratitude tinged with sadness, both because of being involved with the power of God/love, and watching someone move on.  A few days ago I wrote an entry that made it clear that having my life revolve around God and love had saved my life.  Today, a woman who is moving out of state and on with her life, made it clear that God and love, through me, had saved and altered her life.  She, like many others before her, was extremely grateful.  It is a wonderful gift to be part of that, to get my own ego out of the way, and act as a conduit.

“A true Master is not the one with the most students, but the one who creates the most Masters.
A true leader is not the one with the most followers, but the one who creates the most leaders.
A true king is not the one with the most subjects, but the one who leads the most to royalty.
A true teacher is not the one with the most knowledge, but the one who causes the most others to have knowledge.
And a true God is not One with the most servants, but One who serves the most, thereby making Gods of all others.
For this is both the goal and glory of God: that his subjects shall be no more, and that all shall know God not as the unattainable, but as the unavoidable.”  p 114

from Conversations with God, an uncommon dialogue, book 1, by Neale Donald Walsch, G. P. Putnam’s Sons, New York, 1996