Healing & Addiction

We had the beginning of a “family weekend” at the place where I get most of my referrals and, as frequently happens, I was reminded that addiction is a “family disease” having an impact on everyone in the family.  I was also reminded of the importance of love, support and connection for the healing process to take place.  I have accrued a great deal of information about the process of addiction, some anecdotal and some verified through scientific study.  I have found that without the presence of love, support, compassion and connection, the information means next to nothing in the healing process.

Vigilance

My recovery meeting today was about “vigilance”.  I commented that, for myself, the actions didn’t feel like vigilance - that they were simply part of my daily activities not something to struggle with or force myself to do.  I need to recognize things like getting older, being an addict/alcoholic, being disabled and having an active mind that can sabotage me.  Having recognized those things, there are actions I can take like daily exercise, staying away from addictive substances and meditating.  I have learned that if I do those things, I get to have a joyful and fulfilling life, if not I get pain, suffering and death; pretty simple.

Healing

During my recovery meeting today I reflected and spoke on the early years of my disability, when my physical condition was much worse.  Then, this evening I have been revising parts of my website, also reflecting on the many physical, emotional and spiritual changes and growth over the last twenty-seven years.  I am pleased with how far I have come and the person I have become, not bad.  I have had a lot of help and made a lot of meaningful connections along the way.

Overcoming Fear

Today I was asked permission to include some of my writing in the website for the Friends (Quakers), a thought that a few months ago would have produced a wave of fear.  My fear was caused by the thought of increasing my exposure and maximizing my potential.  Part of me felt that I was not worth it and that I would be punished if I tried.  This occasion was notable in that I gave permission, felt some pleasure at the thought and experienced no fear.  To me this is further evidence that fear is generally vapor with no real substance.

Response To Anger

This morning, I experienced some anger toward a person I was dealing with, wanting to take some action in order to “set them straight” and make it clear who they were dealing with.  Realizing that and knowing that my inclination was not a loving response which would definitely not “increase the integrity of the universe”, I took no outward action.  I have been through this many times before.  I meditated, asked for guidance and let the feeling pass.  After a while I arrived at some clarity about the action to take and went ahead.

Gratitude

Tonight I feel a lot of gratitude.  As always, I am aware that the conditions in my life could be a lot worse, but I am also aware that things are pretty good.  There are many of my friends or associates that are either dying or having difficult times, and I certainly have had difficult times in the past.  However, right now things are relatively harmonious and peaceful.  Today, I had periods of good connections with others and also periods of solitude.  I did some exercising, ate and slept well.  All in all, it was a good day.