Anger

My wife, Maria, got angry with me today and I listened to her anger without shrinking or getting defensive, sincerely apologized for my inappropriate action, and let the incident go without ruminating. This response was remarkable given my history of not dealing well with anger. During my developmental years in an angry home I shrank to a "little mouse" in response to anger. During later years I learned to appear strong in the face of anger while still shrinking inside. I would also blow up in a rage, losing control and doing stupid things, periodically. I was hurt and angry. I then began to confront my anger, which terrified me. After the incident I would ruminate for a day or so. Today I did well and let it go cleanly.

Gratitude

Today I feel gratitude, peace and acceptance about my life, my issues and problems or challenges. The difference between today and a few days ago when I was feeling bothered is the amount of rest, self-care and prayer I have been doing. Exercise helps too. The self-care usually consisted of sitting and sorting, contemplating and meditating, the sorts of things I used to avoid since those things involve looking inside. The issues have not changed, I have.

Holistic Healing

I did not realize it then, but the "massive shifts" I spoke of bothering me two days ago are largely internal and still bothersome. I have not yet come to peace with them completely and I am still encountering some fear. The turmoil in me is due to what I am uncovering in my attempts at the self-healing of my disability and jaw/speech/eating problems. Through my connecting or joining with the problems I have encountered layers of karma, God’s will and personal agendas, all of which need to be addressed if healing is to take place. After dealing with those issues there is, of course, the matter of the physical condition. In the past the self-healing I have done was straight forward since it dealt only with the physical problem.