Progress Not Perfection

The topic at one of my recovery meetings this week was “progress not perfection” and I have been thinking about it since then.  I am aware that I am much more than I thought I could be and a good deal less than I could be.  I really began my growth in 1988 with the beginning of my disability.  At that time, the medical professionals I were relying on made it clear that I had a condition that they could do nothing about and that I would “never get better and continue to get worse”.  Switching from an angry, self destructive attitude to one of loving intent plus the use of healing visualizations, I did, in fact, begin to get physically better.  I have, since, applied the power of love and holistic healing to all aspects of my life, with amazing results.  At this point, I am aware that my biggest block to further growth is myself, my own beliefs and self-doubts.

Listening

I really enjoy having an intense and loving connection with the people I interact with, clients, friends and acquaintances.  I have worked for years on “listening” to the words, energy field and subtle behaviors of others, without judgment or projection, a process I refer to as deep listening.  I also feel and radiate love when interacting with others.  I find this type of listening requires focus and intent, but the results are quite astonishing!  My clients, friends and acquaintances can all sense and respond to it very positively.
There is one black, homeless individual, who does not smell very good, and who I frequently encounter at recovery meetings.  I use this form of deep listening and loving connection with him.  I sense that it puzzles and confuses him a bit and that he does not trust the connection yet.

Through the Eyes of a Child

It is truly wonderful for me to be able to look over a forest and to see and feel it vibrating with life.  I can do this most successfully early in the morning, just before the sun comes up. The scene just seems brighter and pulsing with life, anticipating the beginning of the day.  I suspect that I could see things in this way when I was a small child, before I was socialized and taught how to view the world.  I can also feel the energy field of the people that I connect with, but not see it.  As in these cases and in many other ways I strive to see the world with the eyes of a child, innocent and open.

Doing the Right Thing

It’s a bit hard to describe, but I have been to the “other side” when near death and I have returned to, what I think of, as the outskirts of that place regularly during meditation.  It is a place with God, where I can feel the presence of that force/power.  It is important to me that I find no judgment or criticism there, only an overwhelming sense of love, guidance and support, a feeling that I will do anything to connect with, and cherish most dearly.  I certainly did not earn that connection and I am certainly do not consider myself to be worthwhile, but I also realize my feelings of unworthiness are of no importance at all, that I am totally worthy in that place.  I am left with a feeling that I want to follow that feeling/God anywhere and do whatever it wants.
The question came up today, as it has several times before that without judgment or the threat of hell, why do the “right” thing.  My answer is the previous paragraph.  I have had various people try to coerce me into doing what they wanted me to do, using things like fear, guilt and shame.  Sometimes their efforts worked for a short time, and often not at all.  However, love works, and I even enjoy it.  It simply feels good to do the “right” thing.

Living in the Present

It is frequently difficult to thoroughly accept and embrace the bare-bones of the present moment, rather than holding off complete acceptance in favor of fantasizing about some sort of idealized possible future.  Put another way, waiting for some sort of idealized future can cloud and prevent me/us from completely embracing and living in the present.  For example, I could put off many of my daily activities, which are often quite difficult because of my physical challenges, and wait for a time when speaking was easier and my disability was less of an impediment.  Instead I choose to continue with my present activities as if things will always be as they are right now, while also doing everything I can to improve my speech, balance and coordination.  It has been my overwhelming experience that any “idealized future” is, in fact, no better than the present moment and that I am better off focusing most of my attention on living in the present, complete with its gifts and challenges.

The Choices We Make

I agree with Mother Teresa that the purpose of living is to “learn to give and receive love”.  There seems to be a gradual shift in the world from acting out of fear/anger/aggression to acting out of love/compassion/understanding.  As a species, we are relatively early in that shift.  The shift is led by various spiritual leaders, and is certainly not a linear process.  I have seen a similar shift in myself and my own attitudes/ideas.  In me it feels like there is a choice between two approaches to life.  One choice feeds that part of me that feels true, is attached to God and increases the integrity of the universe.  The other choice feeds that part of me that is based on fear/ego and does not increase the integrity of the universe.  My first tendency in a given situation is usually emotional and fear/ego based.  Fortunately, my initial tendency usually passes within a few seconds or minutes, and I can avoid acting on it, if I have the discipline to wait.  I can then act out of love/compassion/understanding, which feels a great deal better, and promotes the shift I mentioned earlier.

Increasing the Integrity of the Universe

Living within the absolute of pure, selfless love changes things for me, rather dramatically, and today I have been very aware of some of those changes.  For example, one major change is my relationship as a husband.  I love my wife very dearly, as I do with all people, and I tell her that frequently, and demonstrate it also.  However, I do not put her on a pedestal above all others as I used to, a change that makes our relationship challenging.
Another difference that I was aware of today is that I always anticipate and encourage a favorable outcome for each of my clients.  However, when I say “favorable outcome”, that is, and can be whatever occurs, anything that happens.  For example, I do not mean that a client will stay clean and sober, they could relapse and end up, lying, cheating, manipulating and living on the street, an outcome that would be wonderful as well, since even that outcome would further their growth and development.  In each case, if they continued to work with me, I would encourage them to consider the impact of their choice on their own welfare and the impact of their choice on the integrity of the universe.