Meditation

It is only through quiet, peaceful and persistent meditation that I seem to be able to discern what is really going on inside me and in that process I am amazed at how good I am at hiding from myself. It’s as though my ego wants to protect me from myself! For example, when I have back pain I might meditate to find out if there is some emotional component to the pain, which there usually is. My first meditative response is "no" which generally relents to "yes" and then an honest exploration of some fear or anger. Recently I have been meditating to explore what my disability means to me, not that my thoughts could be the cause of my problems but the exploration could lead to a better understanding and eventual healing. So far I have come to realize how much my disability has contributed to me becoming the strong, spiritual, loving man I am today.

Discernment

Today, before the recovery meeting there was a young man speaking first about his drinking then his gambling and I could readily discern that in his words he was trying to convince me and himself that he was speaking the truth, while part of him knew he was not. I was seeing my past self so I loved him and listened. Many years ago in the sweat lodge I prayed for discernment, thinking then of negative spirits and energies. I was granted the gift and have found it goes beyond what is called evil and is very useful in my listening and learning. "Discernment is a gift from God, not as a personal achievement. The gift is not the result of training, technique, or analysis. Like other gifts of God, its origin is mysterious and gratuitous." (Patricia Loring)

Spirit

I attend a Quaker meeting for worship twice a week, a one hour period of meditating and listening in silence with minimal talking. I enjoy sitting in silence with minimal dogma. I have no religious training in my history but spiritual searching and listening to the light with minimal bias. The love and peace I have encountered is totally unconditional and a wonder for this human to behold. I am accustomed to definitions, boundaries and conditions — there are none, only love. "To undertake to live a discerned life, to endeavor daily to be attuned to authentic movements of the Spirit leading us into greater fullness of life, is a strenuous undertaking." (Patricia Loring)