Connection

I spoke a few days ago about Thanksgiving as a time of connection. I have realized through my recovery process and life experiences over the last decades that I am connected energetically and emotionally to everything and everyone. Daily, being aware of that connection is a wonderful experience or, as Walsch puts it "The highest feeling is the experience of unity with All That Is. This is the great return to Truth for which the soul yearns. This is the feeling of perfect love." Within that feeling it is impossible to treat other people or the earth in a destructive manner.

Peace

Today was what is called "black Friday", a day of retail sales and marketing which marks a day that stores move into the black as far as sales. I consider it as a day to avoid going shopping! I prefer to go into a store, buy what I need and leave, a process I call "buying not shopping". That sounds trivial, but I choose to participate in activities that do not disturb the peace within that I feel. I recall a comment by God in one of Walsch’s books "If you believe the noises of the world rather than the silences of your soul, you will be lost."

Connecting

As expected this was a day of connecting with individuals from the family of my wife, gratifying and tiring. I noted that most of them are very good at talking about nothing, meaning sports, weather and jobs, socializing. This talk is something I was never good at. I did manage to take advantage of quiet, alone times with each of them to begin talking about deeper personal subjects and beam love at them. At these times I noted that it made them very uncomfortable and that they wanted to return to simpler topics, which we did. It was a very good day.

Acceptance

During my recovery meeting today I was reminded that this is a time of family, love and gratitude. I have experienced many losses in my life and finally realized that most of my losses were just part of the process of becoming who I am today - a person I am pleased with and proud. Many years ago, during the four years I was still on crutches a person asked "How can you be grateful, you can’t even walk" and I replied "You can’t fly and it doesn’t bother you!". Meaning, if I accept my condition, I can be grateful.

Self-Care

I frequently wake up in the morning with a feeling of dread, in part due to my own anxiety disorder and in part due to these stressful, chaotic times. To get past the anxiety to a feeling of love and well being I begin the day with a period of cardio exercise, using an exercise bike. I begin by feeling and releasing the anxiety and finally, by the end of the exercise, feeling peace and love. I think of the words of St. John of the Cross "He should learn to remain in God’s presence with a loving attention and a tranquil intellect", even though this seems like idleness to him. Soon he will find little by little that a "divine calm and peace with a wondrous, sublime knowledge of God, enveloped in divine love, will be infused into his soul".

Meditation

I have many imaginings about what my role and activities will look like in MD. We moved here from AZ in response to a spiritual need that we sensed, a "calling". Having arrived in MD and purchased a home, I have worked on that home (mostly the yard), meditated, communicated with the spirits here, communicated with the people and explored life in the Eastern U.S. My communications and finding out about the people here have revealed things I did not expect, would not have imagined. The imaginings I mentioned in the first sentence are rooted in my past and the things I know. Behaving according to those imaginings could restrict my activities here and limit my usefulness. Forgetting those imaginings and simply being open and listening would be better in determining my role here. It is time to meditate!

Fear

I have had many fears about the life that awaits me in MD, having moved from AZ. I feared what challenges I would face and what I would be called upon to do, as if having fear would help or protect me. Today during an encounter group with some Friend’s (Quakers) I commented that fear was hollow and has no substance, while love has depth and is a genuine force. The fact is that fear speaks within and with a loud voice. However, if I face the fear, act lovingly and simply go about my day, the fear evaporates. At the same time love grows and spreads. As I sit and write this tonight I think "can it possibly be that simple?". Yes

Trivial Difficulties

On the eleventh I commented that I generally had the options of responding to a given situation as a mature, loving adult or a hurt and angry child. Today I felt like the hurt and angry child though I did not lash out, other than expressing frustration. I have been inconvenienced because of a computer problem that has been going on every few days for close to two months. The situation was made worse by my poor communication skills. It even sounds trivial as I write that! I need to remember that "noting matters very much, and most things don’t matter at all".