Growth

Today, my birthday, I was acknowledged as being a gentle and loving man, which is true, though, as my wife and I pointed out, I still have periods of being a jerk. I used to be hurt, angry and very judgmental. I was self centered and considered myself to be superior to most people. I finally realized that I was hurting myself and began turning towards love and being loving as a way of life which felt better and was constructive, not destructive. "What deeper meaning did this paradox hold for him [Jung]? It was the revelation that not only might good be wrought from the darkness of the unformed abyss, the unconscious, but that part of the very energy of the evil urge in man, if one would but wrestle with it, as had Jacob with the angel, would yield its own peculiar blessing. So profoundly did he trust the darkness of the unconscious!"(John Yungblut)

Forgiveness

The topic for today’s recovery meeting was "forgiving" and during the meeting, in the process of listening I reflected on the changes I had gone through in forgiving my father for the way he treated me as a child. My father carried a lot of anger which he expressed toward me in attitude and some physical abuse. I have come to realize that he was doing the best he could and that given similar circumstances I would have probably done the same. I realize that people who hurt others have been hurt themselves. I understand that I was a difficult child and that I provoked him, but also that there is no reason for an adult to hit a child. I finally got to the point that I simply loved and cherished him. The abuse became an unimportant memory. At that point forgiveness was not needed, just love and understanding.

Perception

Typically I have considered my reality to consist of two levels; the divine, loving, eternal level and the secular, mundane, temporal. Then today, in our book study group, I found myself saying that for me there was no longer the secular level and that it was all divine, loving and eternal, though sometimes very short-lived. Over the last few years I have put a lot of effort into perceiving the divine and eternal in things and that effort has evidently changed my view. An example from today was that while weeding the plantain out of my yard I was also feeling respect, admiration and honor for its survival capability. That plant is a remarkable and valuable part of the reality of that ecosystem. "When the will, in becoming aware of the satisfaction afforded by the object of sight, hearing or touch does not stop with this joy but immediately elevates itself to God, rejoicing in Him who motivates and gives strength to its joy, it is doing something very good. (St. John)