Balance

As I told Maria, my wife, tonight, I am finding it, physically, much easier to talk, recently.  I wanted to know if the difference was apparent in my speech.  I gather that the change is evident at times, and at other times not.  I do a healing meditation with myself twice daily and I also try to keep a positive attitude in order to allow for healing, the rest of the day.  I can sense the power and it seems to be making a difference.
I find it challenging to walk the line between total acceptance of my disability, realizing that my physical condition has little real significance and doing everything I can to improve my physical condition, all at the same time.  The balance keeps shifting, slightly.

Being Lost & Found

Having made the transition to a foundation in the eternal and away from belief in material things, money, power and prestige, my life feels both wonderful and a bit strange.  The nearest I can come to describing my position is that it is like being very solidly and purposefully, “lost in a trackless desert” (Thomas H. Green, S.J.).  Other than speaking my truth and using my gifts, I have little idea of what to do next, perhaps that is enough.

Spiritual Path

Be it Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Taoist or whatever, it is apparent that no particular spiritual or religious path is required in order to reach the goal of peace, love and knowing eternity that I spoke of in my previous entry.  It does seem to be necessary for a person to select some path and to then stick to it, even if the path has no name, as in my case.  I really like the analogy that Kornfield uses, that digging several shallow wells is not equal to digging one deep one, meaning dabbling in several spiritual practices is not equal to pursuing one path deeply.
It also seems required that a person turn away or detach from any desires, concepts or attachments to things within the physical realm, and turn toward things like love, relationships and being of service to others, things with some eternal significance.  In my case, things like  love, relationships and being of service to others, gradually took on meaning, while material objects lost meaning.
The shifts I speak of in the previous paragraphs took me several years to complete.  They seemed easy and straightforward when I first encountered them, but they are not.  Some of my attachments and desires had to be wrenched from my grasp.  The shifts have been a bit easier as I get older.

The One True Path

I am struck by the fact that no matter whether a person calls it Bliss, Self, Supreme, God, All that is, Love, The Causal, The Tao, Christ or any of other numerous names, the feeling of being with that timeless power is still the same.  The names are of the mind and reflect transient, worldly, cultural influences, while that feeling and knowing is eternal and real.  Because of my history, I call it God, Love and Christ, but, more importantly, I know the feeling, which is beyond words. Similarly, the images or visions that various people report from near death experiences or hypnosis differ considerably and, once again, reflect the worldly influences, but the feelings experienced and reported within that place tend to be the same.
There is a knowing which goes along with the feeling and also transcends the words used.  That knowing includes: that everything is connected, we are all part of that power, that power is eternal, the power is inclusive and it feels like truth.  Given the feeling, it is easy to see why, having followed a particular path, a person would think that they had followed the “one true path”.

Guidance

I spoke with a person some time ago who had made a significant life choice, he felt, because of guidance he had received from some source outside of himself.  He was freaked out a bit since he did not have any particular faith and struggled to believe anything at all, yet he still got the guidance.  I call that source God and make use of that guidance daily.  I was originally led to that source in much the same way as I describe above, for another person.  My point is that I did not earn that guidance through years of practice and I certainly was not worthy of it because of having led a virtuous life with lofty ideals.  I had not done either, though I do now.  As far as I can tell, I get that guidance because I ask and I am open to it.  There is a lot of love and power there.

A Matter of Choice

A “meat and potatoes” kind of a day, at least as close to that as I ever get since I am never as grounded in the physical as I used to be.  I always carry a strong feeling of “I am”, love and the eternal with me in everything I do.  I also enjoy looking out over the landscape around me and feeling it pulsing with life and strongly sensing the changing of the seasons.  Today I exercised, payed bills, read, napped, ate healthily, soaked in our hot-tub and talked with Maria.
In my reading today, I kept encountering comments by people stating that they wanted to enjoy the feelings I describe in the previous paragraph, without giving up their attachments to material things, desires and drama.  As far as I can tell, that is not possible.  I would have to admit that, in many cases, my attachments had to be wrenched away, but I enjoy the resulting freedom.

Being a Clear Channel

Last night we had a “no sweat”, meaning a sweat lodge ceremony without having a fire or heating up the stones, because of the current fire restrictions in this area.  The no sweats can be just as powerful, spiritually, as a full sweat and, as frequently happens, I went into a meditative state and was minimally conscious of the world around me, during the ceremony.  Evidently I said something which indicated that I was a relatively clear channel for information from God or my own intuition, meaning I have few desires, attachments or ego involvement.  I do recall saying that I had been through extensive “cleansing” of such impediments, and that the cleansing was done, for now.  At any rate and after reflecting on it, I do feel like a fairly clear channel, which feels like being dead to the world, as I knew it.  For example, this morning, before the recovery meeting, a person that I know from meetings, came and sat right next to me for about ten minutes, during which he looked at me intently, but did not speak.  I felt no need to talk or ask what he wanted or anything else.  He finally, excused himself, got up and went to another meeting.