Anger

The topic for my recovery meeting today was anger so I have been reflecting on my expression of anger, both past and present. During my formative years in my family of origin I was not taught healthy ways of dealing with anger so I tended to stuff it, intellectualize, blow up in periodic rages and become destructive — the best I could do! When I got into recovery, at 36, I noticed that a carpenter associate of mine would get very angry, express it vigorously and loudly and then forget it a few minutes later. I decided he was psychotic. Then I noticed that my dog did much same and the behavior seemed to work well as long as the expression of anger was not destructive. I adopted that behavior as my model. I then noticed that most of my anger was due to some underlying feeling like hurt or fear and that my anger was only the surface emotion so I worked on feeling and expressing the underlying feeling, avoiding the anger entirely. I have since discovered that most of my underlying feelings have been about things that actually matter very little.

Holistic Healing

When I do the physic or spiritual healing I wrote about a week ago I first "join" with the problem telepathically by asking it what it is trying to tell me and learning what it feels like. This joining has to be done with love and respect which necessitates getting past/over any fear or anger response to the problem. I can then encourage the tissues to return to a state of harmony with the rest of the body. I find that the various tissues and parts of the body actually seek to be in harmony and work together. This whole process is strongest when done with God as a power driver.

Focus

My disability or condition has helped me develop my ability to focus on my present activity and listen to what will work for me. I need to stay focused and present on whatever I am doing at the time and I am constantly listening for guidance. If I am walking and break my focus by looking to the side or even thinking about something other than walking, I stumble and sometimes fall. When I am connecting and/or working with someone I usually stay focused on them, what they are saying and the present moment. When I do that I frequently receive guidance about what to say next. If I begin thinking about cooking dinner or my next activity I lose that connection, very noticeable.