Recovery

I took my last pain pill this morning at 5:30 and then spent the rest of the day quietly - reading, meditating and contemplating, then ending the day by fixing dinner. It is hard for me to realize that two days ago, Thursday, I had surgery. I am now largely over it with a small amount of pain and some healing to go. I am reminded of the words of Emmet Fox, that "There exists a mystic Power that is able to transform your life so thoroughly, so radically, so completely, that when the process is completed your own friends would hardly recognize you, and, in fact, you would scarcely be able to recognize yourself. It can lift you out of an invalid's bed, and free you to go out into the world to shape your life as you will. It can throw open the prison door and liberate the captive. This Power can do for you that which is probably the most important thing of all in your present stage: it can find your true place in life for you, and put you into it. This Power is really no less than the primal Power of Being, and to discover that Power is the divine birthright of all men." I have tapped into that power and it has indeed transformed my life, in addition to helping me recover from surgery quickly.

Medication

Today was a quiet day of healing and recovery after surgery. I read, meditated and slept a lot. In keeping with my holistic "joining with" approach to pain, I took minimal pain medication in order to stay connected to my body and its needs. I wanted to respect, love and listen to my body so I only took enough pain medication in order to minimize the pain, not mask it. That way I was more likely to do what was needed to heal. This balance is made more difficult in my case since I am an addict and like drugs too much!

Surgery

I had left-side-inguinal-hernia-repair surgery today and felt much blessed by the whole process and aware of how differently I could have felt. I could have been angry that I needed the surgery and impatient with the inconvenience of it. Instead I was delighted with my feisty, young, brown-skinned, professional surgeon and her extremely competent and helpful staff. I looked on the whole process as a "God thing" but was also aware that these were just my words and thoughts, and that it was the attitude and feeling of gratitude that mattered. The actual words used make no difference.

Choice

Recently I have been encountering people who are committed to and emotionally attached to their material possessions and, as I have come to realize through mu meditation, that is completely fine. The material possessions bring them satisfaction and a feeling of completeness. I need to realize that, in addition to that situation being fine for them, it is not for me. I found fulfillment from material possessions and intellectual achievement during part of my life and still enjoy them. I now take a small amount of pleasure in the material, recognize those things as transient, let them pass and focus primarily on the spiritual. As was stated by Marsh "If you choose to center your life in Divine Radiance, two things can be pretty much guaranteed. One, life will not be as simple as it could be if you had chosen another way. The Spirit-centered life has little in common with ‘Business as usual.’ Two, there will never be a dull moment. You will see the colors of music, hear the songs of color and be blessed with magic people.   A fair trade I'd say."

Limitations

Within limits, I keep pushing myself and trying to do more, a complicated effort since I am disabled. Today I rested on a hot pad for most of the day since I an experiencing some sciatica and have a substantial amount of pain. I have always enjoyed the comment by Sawhill that "To attain excellence, you must care more than others think wise, risk more than others think safe and dream more than others think practical".

Expectations

I often find myself wondering just what I am capable of. As I pointed out the last couple of days, I have already gone beyond the expectations of the medical community and myself. I am now in uncharted waters, which I am not entirely comfortable with. LeShan expressed it well when he wrote "Reality is only partly our invention; it is also partly our discovery. Our task is to discover how much and in what areas which is which; and then to determine how much new freedom this gives us and what we can do with it".

I am 2

Yesterday I wrote "On a much deeper level I am a child of God/love and I conduct my daily life in partnership with that power. This latter is viewing myself as the eternal 'I am' and gives me abilities and awarenesses I did not know I had." I have learned a great deal about my increased "abilities and awarenesses" through my disability and interactions with various experts, therapists and doctors. Typically they tell me what I cannot do, I then go way beyond that and they then tell me that what I am doing is impossible given my diagnosis or physical limitations. They then look for explanations from within the confines of their training and find none. I move on in my own life while watching this scene play out and trying to not hold myself back based on their understanding. I always keep in mind the words of Williamson when she wrote "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."